T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 42892
posted 12-02-2009 10:48 PM
I posted here a few months ago about how I was adjusting to my long distance relationship. I'm currently finishing my first semester of college, while my boyfriend takes a year in Germany before he goes off to college as well. It's been hard to adjust, but we're doing pretty well. We talk often and have successfully survived nearly three months so far.
We are planning an amazing trip for May, when I'm out of school, so that I can go for a little over two weeks to visit him. He's been excitedly planning, and I'm watching airfare prices and I've found a great deal that I just have to wait a bit for (it's a student deal with lufthansa but they haven't gotten to the end of May yet). I'm so excited and happy we've stayed close, but sometimes it's obviously still hard. I find myself longing for him, physically and emotionally. I've done a great job telling myself that we are going to get through this year, and he tells me too, and that we'll be able to focus on our relationship once he gets back home (in June). But I'd really like to hear from people who've been through similar things. I know we will come out of this stronger, it's just a matter of powering through. We love each other so much, and we're each enjoying our separate exciting years, my freshman year of college and his year abroad. And we're both excited to travel Europe together when I go out there. Thanks I came to this site because I love it and I've always recieved great responses here.
Member # 42892
posted 12-05-2009 03:09 PM
It just gets really hard sometimes, and I realize that this is why we were originally going to sort of break up when he went away because it would be too hard to keep up a relationship. It gets easier at times to cope with but if we don't talk as much and I'm also having a rough time with school or something, as is the case right now, I get lonely or depressed and therefore insecure even though it's completely normal for us to become busy and not be online all the time. I want for him to enjoy his year in Germany, and when he's not at the computer it's a good thing that he's out enjoying himself, it's just hard when I get stressed out and then start to get nervous. But I know there's nothing to be nervous about, we still love each other and when I go there in the spring it'll be the time for us to concentrate on each other. Right now isn't the time, but obviously it gets hard sometimes. Sorry, I just need to vent. I hope someone can relate.
Member # 3
posted 12-05-2009 03:20 PM
In all honesty, I'm someone who has had a few LDRs, and actually has often enjoyed them. That's not to say sometimes it hasn't been very hard, it has.
But for me, I always gave liked having plenty of time for myself, for my friends and for my creative work. Not seeing a partner daily, even when I want to, does tend to free up time and space for all of that. And deeply missing someone can also result in some pretty good creative work. What I'm hearing in your posts is that it sounds like he may be the only person you are really close to: is that so? Do you have friends, for instance, with whom you are just as close? How about YOU going out and enjoying YOURSELF? Is that happening?
Member # 37835
posted 12-06-2009 07:54 AM
Last year, I did the whole intercontinental relationship thing, and so I definitely know what you mean. The time difference was awful--we either talked at midnight my time or about 6am, depending on his work schedule. Sometimes, when he was traveling in remote areas for work, I didn't hear from him at all for weeks at a time. A lot of the time, it really hurt, and I missed him terribly. But. It was my last year at college, and I had a blast. I spent way more time with my friends than I had the previous year (and, the year before that, I had yet to settle into my current oh so awesome group of friends). I went to more on campus events, I went into the nearby big city a lot more, and to top that all off, those two semesters were by far my best academically. The key to making all that work is that I developed closer ties with my friends (who also happened to be the other people in my major--which goes along with the better grades). I also think that the time apart ultimately made our relationship--particularly our communication skills--stronger. We've lived together for this semester, but next semester we'll be apart again (though, on the same continent and in the same time zone! so I don't even want to count it as "apart), and it's hardly even a concern. We know we can do this, because we've survived something *way* harder in the past. That year apart was really valuable for us, and you and your boyfriend may find the same thing. Granted, you may also find it really hard to get readjusted to being around each other again, but, at least in my experience, an period of long distance in a relationship can really be a blessing in disguise.
Member # 42892
posted 12-06-2009 04:21 PM
Thank you for the responses. I guess I didn't mention my extremely close relationships with my friends, but don't get me wrong. I don't miss him because he's the only person I'm close to in my life. I've got extremely close friends who have been in my life much longer than him, and I have awesome new friends here at school AND I've got my amazing friends back home. So I definitely have people who are there for me besides my boyfriend. And don't get be wrong, I've been doing really well with all of this. My first semester went really really well!! I enjoyed myself, I've had an amazing time with friends, and I've gotten good grades that I'm very proud of! But obviously there are certain moments that are harder than others. And I definitely find myself really really happy we have this time apart for ourselves. I'm glad I don't have to plan time for him during my first year, and I've been able to settle a lot better here. I think in the end, this WILL make us stronger. I mainly just wanted to hear from people who have been through similar things, because though I'm great most of the time, there are those moments when I just get a little sad. I'm obviously more vulnerable when I'm stressed, and I know that about myself. I think that's true for a lot of people, and this week when I posted this I was really stressed. I'm SO happy that he's having a blast in Germany, but I think it gets a little harder when I'm not having a super fun time. But I want him to have fun, so I'm in no way saying I'm not happy that he's there having fun. I like hearing from people who have done this before, because it did happen a little early in our relationship but we are confident we can do this, and I can't wait to see him again. But at the same time, I'm having a great first year of college. Thanks!