T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 38899
posted 11-11-2008 06:33 PM
Ok i have promblem and i dont know which boy i should choose and none of my stupid friends are no help cus all them like one and hate the other.But anyways like since may till september when school started me and my boyfriend ima call him Cj were goin out and everything was goin fine untill a whole bunch of rumors started that he was talking to another girl and it was just a lot of drama.So we brokeup becus of other people i was really hurt becus i really have strong feelings for him and he just let our relationship go down the drain becus of other people.I was tryin to tell him that drama is always gona be there regardless but he kept saying that he think it was best for him to stay single becus of all this drama.I was like ok cool after that becus i didnt want to seem worsome or anything.I just kinda stepped back a little bit.But the day after he said all of that he was still acting like we was going out i was so confused becus to me he was giving me mixed signals.So after that we still kept talking but the other boy im goin to call him Jt.He had sent me a message asking for my number on myspace i gave it to him and we started talking again we did go out in middle school so i was like ok maybe should him another chance.So i did and like 2 days later he came over and we hungout.Everything was good and i had stopped talkin to Cj.So like that weekend he sends me a message flipping out talking about how i just cut him off becus i didnt talk to him the whole week i just left that whole issue alone becus i didnt want to argue with him.So now me and Jt have been going out for like a month now even tho i just found that out like 2 or 3 weeks ago becus he didnt tell me.But now me and jt dont even talk that much for us to be gf and bf.And i have been talking to Cj almost everyday now im starting to have even more stronger feelings for him.Also in class yesterday he wanted to like cuddle with me and stuff so i started to miss him even more.But i dont want to just breakup with Jt like that becus i do like him i dont know this whole thing is confusing.So to make matters worse Cj keep saying that he has something to ask me and i think that its he want to go back out with me but i dnt know what im going to say.A part of me want to say yea but then i dnt becus of Jt and i dnt want to jus forget about him like dat.So what should i do??
Member # 28780
posted 11-11-2008 06:59 PM
You know, I agree with you when you say that you feel like you are getting mixed signals from Cj. It's really not considerate of your feelings for him to say he wants to step back from the relationship but act in a way toward you that suggests otherwise. To watch out for your own heart, I would have a very honest talk with Cj that would go something like, "Look, I've been respectful of your decision to step back from the relationship. However, I need you to respect my feelings as well." And with Jt, from hearing you explain that you just "found out" that you two were going out a couple weeks after the fact, it already sounds like there's an unfair dynamic at play here. Being in a relationship is all about communication, and if one partner is being left in the dark about the nature of the relationship then that is unbalanced. Each partner should have equal say as to how fast the relationship moves, personal boundaries, how much time you each might want to spend alone for homework, etc.
I think a big thing to remember here is that you and your happiness is very important, and that you deserve to be in a relationship where you opinion matters and your feelings are respected.
Member # 38899
posted 11-12-2008 05:13 PM
Thanks,but with Jt i had a feeling that we were going out i just didnt want to ask then to look stupid if he wasnt event thinking like that.But i have decided that i going to let both Cj and Jt go because i dont need this extra stress in my life right now i have other MORE important prioritys to tend to like my school work and trying to get a job.So im just going to tell Jt we should just remain freind because we barely talk now i havent to talk to him like 3 or 4 days and like you said its all about communication and we really like barely communicate.And as for Cj im just going to maintain our freindship and not take it no further than that for the moment.So thanks for the advice it really did help.
Member # 28780
posted 11-12-2008 07:27 PM
Glad to hear it! Best of luck with school and the job search too