T O P I C ††† R E V I E W
Member # 37848
posted 04-05-2008 10:36 AM
I started dating my boyfriend about 6 months ago. It's been really great, and I love him to death because he doesn't pressure me into anything sexually. He's 18 and I'm 15. The thing is, before he went otu with me he had sex with other women. The thing is, his relationships sounded quick and just for the sex. I've never had sex or done anything really "sexual". He says that's what he likes, that I'm innocent. He hasn't pressured me into anything and he's fine with me wanting to save sex for marriage. The thing is, I'm jealous because another woman stole his virginity and I really wanted to take it. Everyday I fall more in love with him and it bothers me more and more that I can't have it. Am I too jealous?
Member # 13245
posted 04-05-2008 10:47 AM
You may want to check out
Virginity In Context for some general information about virginity. It might help you to see the situation more clearly.
Member # 17924
posted 04-05-2008 01:46 PM
In addition to Courtenay's advice:
One thing you have to understand is that, no matter the dynamics of someone's previous relationship(s), the vast majority of people you date in your life will have had some kind of sexual encounter: the older you get, the more true this is. So, with that in mind, expected to be the one to "own" or "take" someone's virginity is only going to leave you frustrated. What you're feeling is comepletely normal; many, MANY young adults have the need for a kind of control over their partner's sexual history. That said, his sexual past doesn't effect your relationship; he isn't with past partners, he's with you, and there is plenty to discover and learn about someone, as well as about yourself, even when you've had previous sexual experiences. (As a side note, one thing to keep in mind: the age of consent to any sexual activity in the state of Ohio is 16. This means that, in the eyes of the law, it is illegal for anything sexual to happen between you and your partner until you turn 16)
Member # 37875
posted 04-06-2008 05:33 PM
i think ur jealous every girl has a reason to feel like that because now its ur man and when ur first time does come ur gonna feel wiereded out trust me i did to because before me and my boyfriend got together he had,had sex with another girl.. but soon after that we all learn to get over it
Member # 139
posted 04-06-2008 10:19 PM
(Lil_blue--in the future, can you please post with Standard English? It's really hard to understand what you're saying without punctuation. Thanks!)
Member # 38244
posted 04-30-2008 08:55 PM
I know exactly how you feel! My boyfriend and his ex lost there virginity to each other and I really wanted us to share that moment (when the time is right). I can't stop thinking about him and her sharing that moment. I get jealous sometimes but, finally i talked to him about how I felt. It helped a lot.
I think you are jealous and thats normal but, it really shouldn't get to the point where it bothers you everyday. JamsessionVT is right, you are just going to frustrate yourself if you are expecting to take some ones virginity. He is with you because he loves you and who knows maybe he really regrets loosing his virginity to that woman. The point is you can't change what happened, you can only except it.
Typical Young and Dumb Teenager?
Member # 37530
posted 04-30-2008 09:17 PM
I sort of know how you feel here. You see, I've been knowing this one guy since I was about three, and nine months ago we finally hitched up (started dating). He's actually close to a year and half older than myself, but we are currently 15 and 16. Well, after nine months, I can tell you that I have done sexual things with him, but we have NOT had intercouse. However, he is not a virgin. Last year he dated a girl for nine months; three months after the relationship began, they, you know.. He ended up telling me before we ever dated because he felt horrible that 'it' had happened especially with the girl it did. So, he does regret it, but yet, I still feel somewhat BLEH about the entire situation. As mean as it sounds, Im kind of scared that Ill catch an STD, not saying that he has one, but he said he 'thinks' she was a virgin. The question I keep asking myself is how does someone date someone else for nine months and not really know if they are a virgin or not.. What kind of relationship was going on? I mean, I love my boyfriend, as a friend, as a guy friend, and as a boyfriend, but if he did contract an STD from her, I surely dont want it. Ya know? And even if he didnt, I still feel a little awkward about the overall idea of us having sex after he did it with her.. at such a young age. Im sure in the moment Ill forget, because after all, Im with him now, not her, and I know he loves me. So it's really not a matter of 'does he still have feelings for her', but more of a 'why did he do that' kind of thing. Honestly though, I think a lot of girls probably feel the same way, as you can probably see. Like a friend once told me though.. "A little jealousy is good in a relationship; it shows that the person cares."
Member # 36725
posted 04-30-2008 09:21 PM
It also helps to remember that virginity is actually more of a social concept than anything. Many people have a different view on what exactly that means - and what exactly constitutes being a virgin. Also remember that everyone becomes ready for sex at different times and with any one partner being ready may happen earlier than with another or with one and not another at all.
We make decisions every day based on what happens to be right for us at any moment. For instance, I chose the university Iím attending because it was right for the major I wanted and itís a place that at this time in my life I feel comfortable attending. I wouldnít expect people to be upset with me for making that decision when right now in my life thatís what Iím comfortable with and itís what feels right for me. The same thought can be applied to previous sexual relationships. Itís a matter of the participating person(s) being ready for that decision and it helps to keep in mind that making decisions on what is right for them at any time isnít wrong and shouldnít be held against them. 20 Questions About Virginity: Scarleteen Interviews Hanne Blank