T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 37615
posted 03-22-2008 09:29 PM
It saddens me to say that I am 19 and have never been kissed let alone have been in a true relationship or date of any kind. I constantly get the explanation that I'm intimidating. However no one really explains why even my guy friends who agree. So I'm not sure what I should do to put myself out there because I'm constantly trying to be open to not just guys but people in general. What should I do?
Member # 139
posted 03-22-2008 11:24 PM
Intimidating? That's an interesting description. I suppose the best way to start would be to figure out WHY and HOW you're intimidating. Is it because you're outspoken? If that's the case, are there times you dominate a conversation and others don't get a chance to interject? Is it because you have confidence in yourself? Could it be because you like to make decisions--if so, do you take others into consideration?
See if you can get some more specifics on how you're intimidating. Is it something that's a personality flaw or something that enhances who you are? If it's a flaw, then you can figure out to correct it (like letting others have a chance to speak); if it's the latter, then you may have to wait and find someone who doesn't mind that so much. But either way, anyone you go for should accept you for who you are, faults, flaws, personality and all.
Member # 37615
posted 03-22-2008 11:36 PM
I've been told that I just look angry by a couple of my female friends. That's really the only straight answer I've gotten. I guess I can be outspoken but that's after I get to know people better most of the time and I'm a pretty good conversationalist so I don't really dominate conversations. Apparently the big factor is that I look angry even when I'm content. So I'm not entirely sure how to correct that.
Member # 139
posted 03-23-2008 12:20 AM
It might be silly...but how often do you smile? Maybe making a conscious decision to smile more? That might help take away the angry look.
Member # 27966
posted 03-23-2008 02:34 AM
I naturally look a little angry myself, Sydas- I have a downturned frowny mouth, so when I'm just assuming a neutral expression, I still look frowny. Like Darkie suggested, making a conscious decision to smile more does help- I find myself getting into the habit now of smiling a bit all the time when talking to people, and have been told it does make me seem more approachable.
Hope Emme D
Member # 36898
posted 03-24-2008 10:08 AM
Sydas, I'm in somewhat of a similar situation and have been described as being cold. You sound like you're very confused about why people think you're intimidating, try asking your friends again and see what comes up. Leabug and DarkChild have good advice about being conscience about smiling. Try showing other emotions like happiness and sadness, it shows people that you have a softer side and they can relate to you and get to know you better
Member # 36725
posted 03-24-2008 12:41 PM
Additionally, if you really want to see someone's perception of how you look at any time you can always look at some old pictures. You know those pictures people take when you're not expecting them and we all get mad about them because they "make us look bad"? Those are the ones you want to see.
It gives you an idea of what facial expressions you may have on when you're not thinking *smile for the camera* type of moments. And of course being more conscious about how you're reacting to people in social situations makes a big difference. Smiles really are contagious.
Member # 36972
posted 04-07-2008 05:01 AM
I think I kind of get what you're talking about. I've been told a few times that I'm intimidating as well - especially to guys. I thought it was because I'm fairly reserved with new people. Apart from your facial expressions, could it possibly be something to do with body language as well? I find that I often cross my arms when talking to people, out of habit, but it can come across as quite stand-offish. Things like that, which we don't even think about, really make a difference. Leaning away from people slightly is another thing - especially when sitting down. Consciously making an effort to show positive body language - like leaning forwards, making eye contact, mirroring the other person's stance - can sometimes be helpful. Thinking positive is a total cliche, but sometimes it does work. I'm not sure if this has been helpful, but hey. My two cents.