T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 36078
posted 03-19-2008 04:15 PM
Before I say what I want to say, i.e. the real content, I want to stress that my post is not saying that all relationships need time out, or that all relationships are negative for the people in them, or that I'm trying to give any kind of advice - I'm not, I'm just trying to share some thoughts which I only really considered recently, having decided to end my so-called relationship.
One of the best things I have found recently is that, at this time in my life, I just really didn't need the relationship I had and it really wasn't the wise choice for me or my boyfriend, and that's why I was struggling so much with it. I said I'm not trying to prescribe, and I'm really not, but I want to say that taking time out from a relationship and just being able to focus on myself, my life, what I enjoy, has taken a whole load of stress off me. I feel freer, seriously. The relationship wasn't healthy for a whole load of reasons, mainly because our personalities completely clashes and he had a completely different model of a relationship to me, but what I want to try and get across is how much fun it is sometimes to not be in a relationship, to indulge yourself in what you really enjoy, and to be able to accept that if you are having so many doubts and/or difficulties with your partner(s)/ relationship(s), then maybe it is not the best decision for you right now. And that this is okay. It is fine to take time out to reflect, it is fine to not be in a relationship, and it is fine to accept that it is not working, rather than trying to forge something which is just making both of you stressed out. If you're not feeling loved by your partner, and your needs aren't being met, then it's probably not a wise choice for either of you. It can be scary, and it can make you feel lonely, but you also realise who your best friends are even more so, and you allow yourself to experiment a bit more. Like I said, I'm not saying all relationships are negative, but I think if you're doubting a relationship so much, there are probably reasons why... being out of a relationship where I was in effect being asked to conform to an idea of femininity which I did not fit is something I am so glad to have done. If people don't respect your boundaries, however they try to disguise trying to change you, or if they don't respect your choices for your own mental and physical health, then it is not a good idea to be in a relationship with them. If people don't care for you, and don't show this (because it is not enough to just say it), then give yourself a break from them. There are people out there who are great, and if they are 'just' friends and not a boyfriend/ girlfriend, or relationship material, they are probably still better for you. Basically, what I am trying to say is that whilst many relationships *are* healthy, if you feel yours is more often not healthy than healthy (or not healthy any more, even if it was at the beginning), you probably have an inclination, and that to take some time out from the relationship(s) might really allow you to enjoy your body, your mind, and life in general more. Which can only be a good thing
Member # 33665
posted 03-19-2008 05:43 PM
I don't think there is anything wrong with what you are saying at all. In fact, I agree with it very much. In my opinion, taking a break from getting involved in serious relationships can be beneficial in many ways and I feel that it is an important part of growing up, too. It frees you up to make decisions about your future based on what you want, rather than on what will work best for the relationship. It also gives you the chance to explore yourself and your sexuality, something which some people don't get the chance to do if they're always hopping from one relationship to the next.
Plus, I believe that you have to be happy with yourself, by yourself, before you can be happy in a relationship. Relationships don't fix loneliness or sadness, and sometimes they can even escalate those feelings, so it's important to be happy and emotionally healthy before entering into a relationship. Not to mention, it's unfair to ask a potential partner to fix all of your emotional problems for you. I also find, personally, that relationships take up too much of my time that could otherwise be spent working on my classes, going to art exhibits, going to lectures, making new friends, hanging out with existing friends, writing, painting, reading, travelling, or just otherwise working toward self-improvement on the mental as well as physical level.
Member # 36078
posted 03-28-2008 01:05 PM
Yeh, I think it is really good to not be in a relationship and just be given more of an opportunity to explore myself. I feel like I can try out so many more things now! It has made me think, also, that relationships are something which in a way there is a lot of pressure to have, even if it's not right for the person/ people just then.
I'm so glad I found this site, and for all the volunteers who keep it running. Really, it has changed my perception of things in a good way, and been a support which I didn't have elsewhere; the people who volunteer really deserve a huge congratulations.
Member # 35773
posted 03-29-2008 03:13 PM
I do agree that not being in a relationship can be a very positive thing. I wasn't in a relationship through most of high school for a variety of reasons, and people always thought I was a little strange because of it.
But honestly, I just didn't want a relationship. Part of it was that I hadn't really met anyone I'd want a relationship with, and also, I just enjoyed being single. I enjoyed being able to flirt with whoever I wanted and not feel guilty. I enjoyed not having to fight with a partner about stupid things. I enjoyed being able to concentrate on my six billion AP classes and not be distracted by someone demanding my attention. I liked being able to talk my friends through their relationships problems and not have to worry about having those problems myself. Now, granted, for the right relationship, all those troubles I enjoyed avoiding can be very much worth it, and I love being in the relationship I'm in now, but I think part of why I love it is that, rather than always needing to be in a relationship, I came into it knowing that I could handle myself being single, and wanted the relationship because I wanted to specifically be with my boyfriend because I really liked him a lot, rather than wanting to be with him just because I wanted to be with someone. So yes, being single can be a very positive thing, and honestly, I've always had trouble understanding why so many people see it as a negative thing.