T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 35185
posted 12-03-2007 08:23 AM
So I've been in a relationship with my bf for 6 months now, and since we got together, everytime we see each other, we just can't keep our hands off each other -- yes, we're always frisky and horny as hell. Heck, he can even get an erection just by holding my hand or by hugging or holding me just because of the physical proximity. Lol. We're both starting out quite late in the relationship bandwagon (we're both in our early 20s and it's our first relationship).
So could our antsy and frisky feelings be due to the fact that we've never been in a relationship before so this is extra exciting for the both of us? We seem to make out and get very horny Everytime we hang out or meet up (we havent' actually consummated the relationship yet though). Friends have commented that it isn't healthy and that 6 months is too soon, and that we DON't Have to make out everytime we see each other, but heck, we both want to cos we're as horny as hell! Friends say that it isn't good for the relationship and a particular friend who has more experience commented that firstly 6 months together is too soon, and secondly, she wonders if we're together for the right reasons, and not just because of raging hormones. What do you guys think?! Also, seeing my guy best friend treat girls like dirt (he's always cheating and his gfs don't know it) but he gets his way all the time anyway because he's a sweet talker. Besides that, I've seen many friends get hurt in the process, being won over by sweet nothings just because guys wanna get in their panties. I know I shouldn't be having thoughts like these based on what happened to my friends and cos of the way my best friend treats women, but I can't help but wonder that when my bf seems to always be talking about the future and how he wants to marry me and hopes to marry me someday, whether he really means it or is it just because he just wants to get into my panties? I mean, my bf respects the fact that I don't wanna lose my virginity just yet, and that I will initiate it when I'm absolutely ready to do so. A perfect gentleman who cares for not just me but also my friends (like making it his responsibility that they get home safely if we're out together, etc) and who's always there when I need him to be. But I just can't help but wonder, if he really means what he says about having a future together or is he just a sweet talker who can't wait to get into my panties.. and doesn't mind saying all the right things as a means to an end? Is this bad of me to distrust just based on friends' situations and my casanova best friend?
Member # 17924
posted 12-03-2007 09:33 AM
It's hard not to be influenced by what our friends say; it really is. But you've got overcome that, because while many a time our friends have our interests in mind, they don't always know what they're talking about. I don't think it's "bad", persay, that you are having these doubts, but would you have them otherwise if your friend hadn't said something? Probably not. That should be your biggest indicator.
My partner and I are in a similiar situation; we do something physical almost every time we're together. But we both consent to and enjoy every minute of it. We've talked multiple times about it, and decided that since we both are OK with it, neither of us see any reason to change things. We've been together for what's getting close to a year. It is true that, generally, during the beginning of a new relationship, sexuality tends to play a larger role. There is that excitement of getting to hook up with someone, and over time, that excitement tends to die down as you become more used to eachother. This doesn't mean intimacy becomes boring, but as you get to know someone beter, being physical takes on a new meaning. Most dating/relationship experts agree that you don't really get to know someone until you are at least 6 months into a relationship. With that said, I think it's premature to be talking about marriage at this point. There are a lot of feelings being tossed around, and it's important to see through those before you start pulling out the big guns. All in all, I think if *you* and *your parner* are comfortable with the relationship at this point, you can kindly tell your friends to shove off. Not everyone reacts the same in a relationship; it's not up to your friends to decide whether or not you're together for the "right reasons".
Member # 35999
posted 12-03-2007 04:10 PM
I'm in a similar situation as you, really. I've been with my current boyfriend for about 3 months and recently began having sex with him. Some of my friends (especially those who witnessed my last relationship, which lasted about 3 years without the two of us having sex)are worried that I'm rushing into the physical intimacy. However, my partner and I are very, very open with each other, especially about our desires, likes, and dislikes. Moreover, the dynamic between us doesn't feel so sexual that conversation and emotional connection are put on the backburner. Sure we're horny, but we also can talk for hours, goof off, tease each other, vent our frustrations, watch a movie, just cuddle, or go on a walk. Basically, from the inside perspective, it feels like a good balance of physical chemistry and emotional intimacy.
The bottom line is, your friends are not in your relationship. You are. If you and your boyfriend are being careful, honest, and communicative, you should be guided by what you want and feel comfortable with. You seem to have talked with him about your limits, which is great! If it makes you feel good and if it makes him feel good and you're being honest with yourself about the satisfaction you're getting out of the relationship, then trust yourself. Now, if you're wanting this to be a serious emotional relationship as well as an exhilarating physical one, it is important to feel that you can talk to each other as well as hook up. Do you think your physicality is getting in the way of meaningful conversation? Do you feel as though you can't have fun with him without being sexually involved? Would it be awkward to spend time with him if one or both of you weren't "in the mood?" You might want to consider those questions if you're worried that your friends' objections are accurate. Just a word of caution-- 6 months into a relationship, you still can be in the throes of that new relationship buzz of hormones and shiny feelings. As such, it might be a little early for talk of marriage... Promises about staying together forever can be very hurtful if broken. You might both feel right now as though this relationship could never end, that you're meant for each other, but the odds are against that happening. It's possible, of course, just not likely. That doesn't mean you shouldn't trust him. It also doesn't mean that the strength of his feelings right now isn't real. What it does mean is that someday, things might change between you two and you should be emotionally prepared for that possibility. Anyways, best of luck!
Member # 35773
posted 12-04-2007 04:43 AM
My boyfriend and I started having sex a few days after we became a couple. Yeah, it was fast, but honestly, things seem to have worked out really well. Having sex so soon in our relationship hasn't had any negative effects. Of course, neither of us were virgins and we've both had previous relationships, so my situation is a little different from yours.
Like others have said, while I'm sure your friends have your best interests at heart, they're not the ones in charge of your relationship. There is no right or wrong length of time to start being physically intimate with a partner. To me, six months seems like a really long time to wait. To someone else, three years might not be long enough. How far to take the physical part of your relationship is something that needs to be decided by you and your boyfriend and no one else. Like Cloudberry Marmalade said, I think you just need to ask yourself how much your relationship seems to centre around the physical stuff. It's great that you two seem to have so much physical chemistry, but you should also make sure that you can enjoy other, non-sexual things together. My boyfriend and I are pretty sexually charged, but we also really enjoy watching our favorite shows and movies together, playing board games, going out and wandering the city aimlessly, and just talking. A healthy relationship should have a good balance of the physical stuff and the emotional stuff. As for your concerns that your boyfriend just wants in your pants..honestly, from what you posted here, it doesn't seem like that's all he's after. Personally, if I just wanted a shag, I wouldn't wait around for six months. Not all men are like your friend. Your boyfriend sounds like a good guy. And, like others have said, do be careful about things like plans for marriage and such six months into the relationship. I'm not saying that his feeling about such things aren't genuine now...it's just that things can change, and I think people who enter relationships convinced that this is the one that will last forever are setting themselves up to get very, very hurt.
Member # 31918
posted 12-04-2007 05:08 PM
Obviously, this is a decision for you and your boyfriend to make together, not for anybody else.
To me, your friends sound a little on the judgmental side. Just judging from the way you write about your relationship, it sounds like a pretty fun and healthy one. I would be surprised if all he was looking for was sex. Most guys don't spend six months *not* having sex with a girl and talking about stuff as serious as marriage (which may or may not be wise on his part, and which could get him into a pretty deep hole if he's not serious) if all they want is sex. Guys who just want sex go to parties and hook up with girls whose names they don't know. To me, it sounds like, at the very least, he really does care about you.
Member # 35185
posted 12-05-2007 03:43 AM
He DOES however keep aasking me if I wanna do it yet, or if I'm ready for it, and when we're making out, he keeps telling me how he SO wants me and wants to make love to me. Yes 'make love' were the words he used...
Member # 27966
posted 12-05-2007 12:56 PM
I don't really see any reason to be suspicious of his motives simply because of that, though (unless he's really pressuring you)- it sounds to me like he's trying to be communicative about what he wants. If you're uncomfortable with him asking you about it, simply let him know that when you're ready, you'll tell him. If he respects that, then there's no need to worry.