T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 34574
posted 07-06-2007 04:42 AM
My Fiance and I are Christians, and virgins, who don't want to have sex till we get married. We have been together for a year and a few months now. The only problem is, we have two years till we get married due to college. The temptions are getting harder and harder to the point we have not had sex or done anything that ends in the word sex (oral sex, etc), but we still do things to be satisfied. We need help. Please help us! We want to remain pure.
Member # 22471
posted 07-06-2007 06:31 AM
I'm not really sure what all we can suggest for you except perhaps avoiding situations in which you would become intimate. So, for example, go out on public dates, spend time with friends/mutual friends, etc. - other than that? There's nothing that says oral sex or intercourse are necessarily more satisfying than say mutual or solo masturbation. If you both feel strongly about not engaging in most sexual activity until marriage, then that's about all there is to it - will power is a lot more powerful than some people like to make it out to be, and there are certainly ways you can enjoy yourselves without being sexual.
Member # 17924
posted 07-06-2007 07:24 AM
One thing I want to mention here that I have a big problem with is the use of the word "pure". I have no problem with religious beliefs when it comes to sex (each to his own suits me fine) but using the word pure here ultimately suggests that those who decide to have sex before marriage, or participate in sexual activity before they are married are "impure". That is certainly not that case.
I know you didn't mean it maliciously, but I wanted to mention it because I, for one, was a little put off.
Member # 27966
posted 07-06-2007 10:56 AM
Hey Krystina Joy, I just have a little note to add- since you're trying to abstain from sex for reasons of faith, why not talk to a priest or pastor for guidance as well? After all, it's what they're there for!
Member # 33994
posted 07-06-2007 12:55 PM
My husband and I didn't participate in any form of sex until we were married, for religious reasons. I agree that it's hard, but there are things that the two of you can do that might help you meet your goals.
Speaking of goals, let this be your first step. Sit down and decide what behavior the two of you are comfortable with, and what behavior you don't want to engage in. You both should agree with this list. Then you know clearly what boundaries are drawn. Actually, maybe goals should be your second step. Perhaps the first thing to do is to review why you are making these decisions. Do you both firmly feel that this is the right choice for you? Why? Or are you simply following the social pressure created by your church? If it's the latter--and you two aren't fully committed through deeply personal convictions--then it's going to be a lot harder for you. I suppose that social pressure can be beneficial if it helps you achieve a particular goal, but only if you actually want that goal for yourself. Have good, solid reasons that you're deeply committed to. I think that Leabug's idea is really good--talk to a religious leader for guidance and for ideas. Do things with groups of people rather than always doing things with just the two of you. Maybe there are church functions for you to be involved in. Do lots of activities--go to museums, go to movies, go on hikes--instead of just sitting at home. Explore different areas of your relationship and your personalities. But make sure that you don't neglect the physical aspect of your relationship; even though you're waiting for sex, this is still a central part of your relationship. If you notice particular situations where you're more apt to go places that you're not comfortable with, avoid those situations. Finally, on a realistic note, have you thought about moving up your wedding? If you're really, really committed to this then you can make it, but...maybe you don't really want to wait. Nothing wrong with getting married earlier and while you're both in school. And even though you're waiting until marriage for sex, make sure that you're both open and communicative about sex, your needs, your likes, your dislikes, and be educated about sex--safer sex practices, the physical side of it, and the emotional side of it. All of these things are important now, even if there's no actual genital contact between the two of you until your wedding night. Anyway, hope this helps at least a little bit. [ 07-06-2007, 01:02 PM: Message edited by: acs79 ]
Member # 41718
posted 12-28-2008 08:39 AM
I realize this thread is nearly a year and a half old but here is my response to anyone in a similar situation.
If you are engaged and you have been for quite a while and you truly are going to marry, then why wait two years to marry. My wife and I successfully used birth control for five years and had our first child on purpose. We did not have sex before marriage but we were only engaged six months, just enough time to plan and pull off the wedding which is what I thought that time was for. It seems to me that this prevailing idea of long multi year engagements is promoted by a culture where premarital sexual activity is the norm and there is no need to get married sooner rather than later. Anyway my advice is get married.