T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 29292
posted 06-25-2006 08:39 PM
How do you girl feel when guys check you out ? I work in the public and there is like everyday boys of every age checking me out. It's not like there's something special about me. There's like for example boys who says to each other : maybe we should go say this sexy girl over there. Or there is people who are saying : you know you are cute, what do you think about us spending the evening together.It often happens when there are like two boys together. Seems like they are joking but I find it uncomfortable. Someimes it's adults who are like 50 or something. I just find it disgusting. Sometimes they even ask me personal questions. I don't know what to do in this situation. I just blushed and have nothing to say. How do you girls deal with that ?
Member # 29464
posted 06-26-2006 03:25 AM
i work with all guys and while i definitely have delt with a lot of come-ons, most of the time i'm oblivious to how much guys really notice me. i'm the type of gal who when honked at will look down to see if i have toilet paper stuck to my shoe or something, i just don't see what all the fuss is about. but every guy i've worked with has hit on me or asked me out and i've just learned to accept the compliment politely or completely disregard the comment. like say when i'm walking down the street and some guy compliments me, i just smile politely and say thank you or just nod my head. if a guy in a car yells out something i just completely ignore it. it doesn't so much make me uncomfortable as it does give me a confidence boost, because i don't really see myself as this really attractive girl, yet i'm constantly being told that i am. it does make me uncomfortable sometimes if it comes from someone who looks like scum or whatever, but i just brush it off, i don't really dwell on those things. i ignore the come-ons and politely accept compliments, but i just don't really let it effect my everyday life.
Member # 13388
posted 06-27-2006 06:52 AM
A good reply to unwanted, invasive questioning is:
"Now that's a very personal question!" said with a loud, "I cannot believe you are actually asking me this stupid question" voice. Assuming the person's not totally dense, s/he'll realize that was an inappropriate thing to ask. Unfortunately, such unpleasant people always seem to pop up. Just ignoring the come ons and continuing to act professionally is also a good way to brush them off. Or if they're really bothering you, a firm "please leave me alone" also can work. And then getting your supervisor if necessary. While a welcome flirt from someone interesting can be flattering, good for you for listening to your weirded-out-vibe intiuation. Any guy who makes you feel uncomfortable is one to avoid. You are in no way required to answer their questions or even be nice about the unwelcome, creepy attention. As for the groups of guys trying to hit on you, chances are they are doing it to stroke their egos and would be too scared to come and talk to you on their own. May I ask where you work? [ 06-27-2006, 06:53 AM: Message edited by: Ecofem ]
Member # 29292
posted 06-27-2006 07:17 AM
In a store. Yeah, it's a little unbelivable to hear that people do that. People do that when there's not too much clients.
Member # 28273
posted 06-27-2006 09:52 AM
I hate that and it happens alot I just look away and ignore it, it is very uncomfortable 4 me to
Member # 28374
posted 06-29-2006 08:39 PM
Ick... I hate it when that happens. Sometimes it is uncomfortable for me, but usually just unwelcome. I find stupid comments from people I don't know to be quite invasive and disrespectful but mostly just let it go. People who do stuff like that really aren't worth paying attention to or wasting time and energy on unless it just gets abusive and you feel harassed. If somebody asks me personal questions I usually answer them coldly and concisely and then try to put a quick end to the discussion. But yeah, I find that pretty dang creepy and gross too... just tell them politely (or not so politely) to mind their own business and leave you alone.
Member # 1386
posted 06-29-2006 09:01 PM
Just to through a spanner in the works, do any of you ever check guys out?
Member # 29292
posted 06-29-2006 09:23 PM
Yeah. But I'm not like asking them personal questions when I don't even know them.
Member # 5375
posted 06-30-2006 12:26 AM
Bobo, for some reason that question gave me several more.
I'll look at someone I'm attracted to but I don't stare and I try not to look more than once or twice if I'm not going to go over and talk to that person. And if I do start a conversation I try to keep it general, no overly personal questions, no overly suggestive comments. But that's my approach because that's how I want people to approach me. Are other people's limits and preferences very different from mine? How do you decide when someone has taken things too far? What makes you uncomfortable? I'd love to read everyone's perspective. (cool87, I think this is relevant to your topic but if you disagree just say the word and I'll start a new thread.)
Member # 29292
posted 06-30-2006 05:44 PM
I'm perfeclty fine with it. Thanks for asking me though.
Member # 29292
posted 06-30-2006 06:38 PM
I don't really mind people looking at me. It makes me a little uncomfortable though. But as long as they're not asking personal questions.
Sometimes two guys shows up and start joking about something together than I'm very aware is directed at me. Sometimes I don't even know what they are talking about but I know they are talking about me so I just blush. They just don't think I'll understand they're talking about me. Or they're using signs for me to not understand. That makes me really uncomfortable. They have taken things too far when they are invading my personal space asking me about my personal life, even sometimes on a sexual level. I also don't like sex jokes from strangers boys because I will be honest with you, most of the time I don't quite really get them. Guess, it's a lack of experiences here.
Member # 29502
posted 06-30-2006 06:42 PM
I would have to agree with most of the opinions on this topic: just ignore it! It sounds really stupid, but chances are, if you're on the street or in some other situaton where you can walk past whoever is making you feel uncomfortable, do just that - walk past them with out saying anything, and with keeping your facial expression as neutral as possible. It might sound stupid, but that tactic works in shutting about about 95% of the unwanted comments I get
Member # 29464
posted 06-30-2006 08:37 PM
quote: Originally posted by cool87: Sometimes two guys shows up and start joking about something together than I'm very aware is directed at me. Sometimes I don't even know what they are talking about but I know they are talking about me so I just blush. i hate when there's more than one guy, it feels suffocating to me, i just don't trust men. and i hate when they talk in code or in a different language so you don't know what they're saying about you.
Member # 29736
posted 07-07-2006 10:37 PM
me being a guy i kinda have 2 defend my gender. However, i never look at girls unless i want 2 introduce myself and start a conversation and personally, if i was in youre shoes cool87, i would HATE have old men staring at me!
Member # 29623
posted 07-22-2006 01:17 AM
I find it incredibly uncomfortable when other guys look at me, im skinny but my boobs are almost d cups. It makes me feel so selfconcience because i never really find myself pretty at all and i feel like a kid trapped in an older girls body. I know its not my right to control other guys umm...well im not sure how to put it, but uhh, guyness, lmao. Yesterday i went swimming with my boyfirned and his friends which are all guys, and i feel really ashamed when we all get out and they have erections and keep looking at me dirtyly. basicly because i hang out with more boys than girls i feel terrible, most of them have fun making jokes about my breasts and everytime they do i wanna just yell at them.
Member # 29890
posted 07-22-2006 07:46 PM
I'm sixty. My father was in his eighties before he died a few years ago. We were walking on the beach with my son and daughter, both in their upper twenties. It was a nice family scene. My father, even at his age, liked looking at the women.
I was walking in a mall with my cousin who's my age and is gay. He liked looking at men. Men of all ages like to look. It thrills us. BUT, it isn't right to stare in a manner that is impolite. No one should act in a manner that hurts someone else or even makes them uncomfortable. A quick glance is okay, and then keep your feelings to yourself. If you want to get to know someone, and I'm not talking about a fifty year old getting to know an eighteen year old, then be friendly, make small talk, and don't get too personal. Don't stare at a woman's or a man's body. Look at their eyes as you converse with them. See if your tentitive friendliness is reciprocated before proceding. I buy coffee in a coffee shop, and there is a young woman who works there who has served me many times. I felt as if I knew her in a casual way. Once she was wearing beautiful filigree earings. They were very artistic and I said, "I like your earings." She made absolutely no response. It was as if she hadn't heard me, though I know she did. She just carried on with taking and filling my order. I realized that I had made a mistake. I didn't know her well enough to comment on her acessories, and I shouldn't have. Her response was effective, and I recommend it. After that she filled orders for me at other times, and I acted businesslike -- not at all personal. Perhaps she appreciated that I got her message, perhaps it's only coincidence, but recently she opened up a conversation and told me she was going to Europe (from the US) for six months to study. She was excited about it. Men, particularly older men, shouldn't pray on young men or women, even slightly. I'm sorry that I acted inappropriately.
Member # 17971
posted 07-23-2006 11:59 AM
I don't particularly like it when people "check me out", mostly because I've had a significant other for over three and a half years and I hate having to do the whole "No, I'm with someone," "Well, you should think about it anyway!" song-and-dance every time.
Even more than that though, it's because I get pretty self-conscious around people when that happens. I don't know how to respond when people stop me on the street, whistle at me, honk at me, follow me around in stores, try cheesy or downright vulguar pick up lines, ask if I've ever thought of being a model, stare/leer at me, and all that (and yes, all of those things have actually happened to me on so many occasions I've lost count). The people can be any race and any age, but that doesn't make it ok for them to make me so uncomfortable. It sometimes got to the point where I was actually scared of being alone when I went out. Now I take my friends or my boyfriend (he doesn't take too kindly to people treating me like that). I went overseas once and I even took to wearing a fake wedding ring so that it would lessen--it did, but only slightly. Ew! I always wish that if someone was interested that he/she would try to make conversation or just say hi. It makes me feel better when they act as if they're genuinely interested in me, even if it based solely off of how I look. I don't want to be treated like your next object of conquest, thankyouverymuch. In fact, the very first random guy who told me I was beautiful said it in such a positive and non-sexual, non-threatening way that I still remember it to this day. When some random guy shouts "hey girl, you look gooooood!" at me, my immediate inclination is to say "you too." See how that can become a problem? [ 07-24-2006, 12:55 AM: Message edited by: faifai ]