T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 27221
posted 05-03-2006 02:39 PM
Please tell me what you think of this, thank you:)
I met this sweet person 2 month ago over the internet and we have decided to meet, i have been very carefull and i have taken your advices.Before meeting him, while chatting,we used to cam and he would tell me that he found me attractive and i told him that i found him attractive too.Im not only physicly attracted to him but also very very attracted to his kind and generous personality. So we met at a shopping mall and we talked for hours and hours, i had a pretty good time and he was very interesting and he said that he wouldent block me as a joke. The thing that is driving me crazy right now is that we have been on 4 dates..well i think they are dates since he's the one who always insisted on paying the movies and restaurants.But i have always been the one asking him out after the first time we met. I mean if he didnt want to see me he would've not accepted the invitation and tried to find and excuse not to go out,right? The last date that we went on was saturday, i asked him if he wanted to do something and he suggested to go to the movies, we ate before going and we talked and talked, at the end when i was in his car he gave me 2 kisses and i gave him a hug and he told me he had a good time. Even when i come online, i always have to be the first one to say hello, and when i do he starts talking about his day and our conversations always last for more than an hour...is it just a shyness that he has? He has never been in a *relationship* , never had a girl friend. The only relationship that he had was a sexual one that ended pretty fast with a girl he met a couple of months ago. He told me that they only met to have intercourse and that it just went..nowhere. So now i am wondering, is he interested? and how can i know?Does he maybe only want to be friends?Maybe now that he met me, he's not physicly attracted to me anymore and doesnt want to know anything?Is it normal that he didnt kiss me after the 4th *date*?(I have told him that I have been in a relationship for 9 months and still a virgin, i just wanted to make things clear,that was on the 2nd date). Sorry if the topic was long, i am obviously very confused, thank you for your help:)
Member # 27369
posted 05-03-2006 03:09 PM
Of course he's interested in spending time with you if he goes to the movies and things with you, but if you want to know if he's interested in a romantic relationship, ask him.
Because of his other relationship, he might want to take things a little slower, and that doesn't mean that you're not worth dating, it probably just means that he's scared or shy. I'm of the opinion that you should tell him that you'd like to pursue a romantic relationship and ask him if he feels the same way. Awkward as it sounds, it's a whole lot better than having to super-analyze every move he makes. As for being the first one to IM him thing, I wouldn't worry too much about it. I'm always the first person to IM my friends, and they've become so used to it, that they just wait for me to do it.
Member # 28071
posted 05-03-2006 03:30 PM
Are some people simply shy? You bet. I'm one of those people who would have to have conversation initiated in a new relationship, and who would wait for an invite to do something. It drove my boyfriend nuts initially...he tends to be like that too. Good friends of mine clued him in however that if he wanted to talk online or hang out...he would have to approach me. For me it was simply not wanting to be a bother or be in the way when people are busy doing other things...I've always been that way with everyone on any friendship level. It is very possible that this guy has his own personal variation of the same. Also, I purposefully interpreted EVERYTHING he did as simply friendly...something else I did with every guy I'd met...until he made it expressedly clear that he had further interests. It was just a protection mechanism I had in place so as not to read into something that wasn't there...so I went to great lengths to force him to come to me (was my first relationship too, for perspective).
In short, how can you tell if he's interested? You may have to directly ask him how he feels. If he's never been in a real realationship before he may be very shy or uncertian with exactly what he is feeling, as if he does have feelings for you they would be very new to him at this time. So I'd say let him know how you feel about how you feel and where you would like this to go...being open to either a relationship simply remaining as friends as he is comfortable. As for first kisses....it really depends on the paerson. Some people kiss on a first date...some people don't kiss in the first month. It depends on the people, the relationship, and what people's comfort levels are. This would be especially the case if the two of you have not specifically declared what your current relationship level is...as he may be nervous about going further than you are comfortable or want. So talk to him...and see what happens from there. Good luck.
Member # 27221
posted 05-03-2006 03:45 PM
Thank you, this really helped,i am a very shy person myself. I will not be shy to ask him out, but to open up about my feelings YES, i have the fear of being rejected.If he has no feelings for me, i am afraid that he will not want to see me again. How can i open up? How to express myself and when is the best time?
Member # 28071
posted 05-03-2006 04:04 PM
When you talk to him just let him know how you feel, but that you don't want to risk the friendship you're developing if he doesn't want/isn't ready for that. Let him know that if he feels the same, you'd love to further your relationship...but if he doesn't you have to accept that. If he doesn't feel for you as you do for him there may be an awkward moment there, but as long as you are honest and upfront you both should be able to get past that just fine. Also, if he has an answer of "not yet", you need to give him space to work on his own time table. I personally believe that a strong friendship is a necessary foundation for a relationship, so my boyfriend and I didn't start dating right away once his feelings are mentioned. But at that point it was my responsibility to let him know when I was comfortable with moving further.
How you broach this is really up to you and what you are most comfortable with. My boyfriend came online to tell me that he needed to talk to me...and we went out for hot chocolate so he could speak his mind. Or you could bring it up at the end of the next day you spend with him. Or whatever you are most comfortable doing.
Member # 27221
posted 05-05-2006 02:23 PM
Thank you again for your advices, but yesterday when i came online, like always, ive IMd him and he wasent talking much.
Normaly, well based on my experiences, i can feel if the other person has a feeling for me and i think that his feelings are only based on friendship. Next year,i am going to be in the same cegep as him, who knows maybe if we spend more time together things might evoluate? or maybe we will just grow apart.( Friendship is a good start) I think it would be too fast to tell him that i would like our relationship to grow into a romantic one and honestly, since now I have this feeling that he's not interested, I do not have the motivation to go tell him what I feel. It would be so much easier if he could just call me and ask me out, I dont know if im quiting too fast?I have been in another relationship that ended a year and a half ago and my ex was literaly running after me, so maybe im just used to that?
Member # 8067
posted 05-06-2006 01:02 PM
It would be so much easier if he could just call me and ask me out, How about you calling him and asking him out? You've said that it feels "too fast" for you to express a romantic interest, but you're expecting him to do just that.
Member # 27221
posted 05-06-2006 06:37 PM
Yes but that is exactly the problem, i am always the one calling him...and that to me, is a sign of him not being interested
Member # 25983
posted 05-06-2006 11:30 PM
logic_grrl made an excellent point.
Why just sit around waiting for him to show interest? Since you've been taking initiative, have you asked him how he feels? It's pretty hard to read cues through the way somebody acts online/on the phone, so asking directly is the only sure way to know. If he is interested, go for it, if that's what you want to do.