T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 8183
posted 05-12-2002 09:32 AM
Well i am new here and have read alot of topics and see that you do give really good advice. Maybe you all can help me.
See i am native american and my b/f is black. My parents say they don't want me dating black guys because they don't want me to turn out like my sisters. (they both have black b/f's). Ok. We are both 16(he's in 11th i'm in 10th) and love each other very much. We have been dating for 5 months and have already had sex. But friday afternoon after school, he brought me home and my people got so angry. Now they say i can't talk on the phone with im anymore. But i snuck and talked on the phone friday night with him. We are still together but i don't know what i am gonna do. I cried all day friday and even cried my self to sleep that night. I am not gonna let my mom or my grandma keep us apart. We love each other too much. What do you guys think of interracial dating and if you were in my position what would you do? I really need help cause i am starting to go crazy. Please tell me what you think.
Member # 3
posted 05-12-2002 09:44 AM
I would ask to have a talk with your parents.
In that talk, I would explain to them that the race of your partner cannot "make" you be like your siblings any more than anything else. You are you and you get to make your choices, and you really can't control who you love.
Perhaps give them a chance to talk about WHY this bothers them and what they are really afraid of. See if you can't bring up a discussion of racism in the kindest way possible.
Work for compromise: find out what limits are acceptable to them, tell them what you're comfortable with. And perhaps suggest that at the very least, they let you see him in your home, with them. Getting to know him, in and of itself, may help a lot of the problem.
[This message has been edited by Miz Scarlet (edited 05-12-2002).]
Member # 7897
posted 05-12-2002 05:28 PM
Miz Scarlet gave you some excellent advice. She's right. . . The best thing to do is talk with your elders. Explain to them that you and your sisters are different people, and since you have such a healthy relationship, point how responsible you are already being. Best of luck.
Member # 7231
posted 05-13-2002 04:55 PM
I myself am in an interracial relationship, and let me tell you, I feel where you are coming from. At first my mom did not like my b/f either, (he is Hispanic, I am white), and after a while, we were forbidden to see each other. I was miserable, sneaking around for six months behind my mother's back. Finally, my b/f had enough and told me he couldn't do it anymore..that was the push I needed to finally talk to my mom about how strongly I feel for my b/f. To this day she still does not like him, but she respects my feelings, and now we are together and happier than ever. In order for you not to suffer the pain I did, you HAVE to talk to your family...and then your family needs to sit down and get to know your b/f...that way they can realize he is a great guy, and his race alone is not going to cause you to "turn out like your sisters"...good luck to you!!!
"What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the person who made you cry?"
"I hate you for hurting me, but most of all, I hate me for loving you."
"The only genuine love worthy of the name is unconditional."
Member # 7759
posted 05-13-2002 05:22 PM
Reading these stories makes me feel so sad.
I'm in an interracial relationship also, although I don't like the term personally. There's only one race walking the earth, and that's the human one, I don't like to insinuate that my boyfriend is an alien
Anyway, none of that is relevant to your situation. The advice given here is useful - talk to your parents in a calm, rational, mature way. The problem with your going behind their back is that they might become even more set in their ways, so you really need to have this talk ASAP. Suggest that they meet him, but don't force them, because if they meet him in a negative frame of mind it won't help things at all.
Most importantly, don't let this split up your relationship. Getting through this setback (and I hope you do) will show you have the strength to stay together. Good luck!
Member # 2658
posted 05-17-2002 09:08 AM
I'm not sure what to say except I wholeheartedly sympathize with you and yes, Miz Scarlet's advice is the best. I really just wrote to let you know stuff like this can work: my mother is Malay, my father an Australian, and they've been married (with their fair share of arguments
) happily for nearly twenty years.
I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. - Sir Winston Churchill
Dahlia @ here or here
Member # 6893
posted 05-18-2002 11:54 PM
Hi there. I am also in an interracial relationship, tho I do not like the term, either. My boyfriend is Mexican, I am white, and we have been together for a year now. His mom does not like me, for age and race reasons ((I am older than he)). It is something that is hard to deal with, that is for certain. I agree with Mz. Scarlet. You should talk to your parents and tell them how you feel. My boyfriend and I attempted this, but we lost her trust ((another long story)) so, its a rough road. I say hang in there! You 2 love each other, and things will probably work themselves out! Good Luck!
Member # 8386
posted 05-28-2002 09:38 PM
Gurl, I am also in a relationshop where I am white and my boyfriend is mixed. Its caused a lot of problems. But ya know, if the two of you care about each other as much as yall say yall do then you can make it through anything. Me and my boyfriend have lost friends, my parents got divorced because of it. I mean, its just all in what your willing to go through for that person. But I wish you the best of luck in everything!! You deserve it!!..
Keep in touch and let me know how things go... <---Edited. For your own safety please do not post your email address or other information that could be used to identify you.--->
[This message has been edited by ookuotoe (edited 05-28-2002).]
Member # 8183
posted 05-29-2002 11:45 AM
Things are going really good. I think that this has brought us closer together. But I think my only problem is that I am too selfish. I mean we argue sometimes, but mostly it's me. He never agrues with me. And I can't stay mad at him. I am trying so hard not to be selfish.
Please see Lisa D's post below.
[This message has been edited by ookuotoe (edited 05-29-2002).]
Member # 8386
posted 05-29-2002 12:53 PM
We seem to be a lot alike. Im NOT a selfish person at ALL!! Until it comes to me and my boyfriend. But um..ill e*mail you sometime!! Dont feel bad though, because I completly understand what your going through!!
Member # 389
posted 05-29-2002 01:00 PM
We at Scarleteen ask that you please do not post your email address on the boards...'tis a safety issue, and we want to keep everyone safe, ya know.
Member # 8384
posted 05-30-2002 04:50 PM
"interacial dating" shouldn't even be a term. its just dating. im lucky that my parents don't really care what race my bf is, because my parents married out of their race, . my mom is japanese and my dad is white. my dad's mom has a strong dislike for my mother, just because she is of a different heritage. which is retarded. but yah, on to what we are really talking about, all what these people have said is totaly true. talk to ur parents about it. but bring it up as gently as possible. the best of luck!
me myslef and i
Member # 20900
posted 02-03-2005 11:18 PM
hey jenni_2004 and all that have posted....i just wanted to hear all of your post stories about what happened and what your paretns said...im at that stage where sneaking around not telling my parents about our "interracial" dating is making me lose friends and absolutely driving me crazy. i want to talk to my parents but i dont even know where to start adn what to say...... help a sister out!
Member # 20869
posted 02-06-2005 04:02 AM
i'm in an interracial relationship myself, and i had to keep it secret from my parents. however now my mom knows, because i really sat down and told her about it, and needless to say she wasn't pleased at all. yes, i love my boyfriend, and he loves me. the funny thing is (and some of you might think i'm stupid to do this) that we both know we'd be in a lot of trouble if both our parents knew, so we thought that we'd just stick it out till the end of high school and remain friends afterwards. yeah, it'll hurt a lot, but that's why life goes on. my culture emphasizes a lot of filial piety and respect to elders, so for me, i'll compromise by doing this - stick it out till the end of high school and then move on. who says i can't be best friends with him still, right?
Member # 20900
posted 02-07-2005 12:58 AM
how did you tell your parents? what did you say?
Member # 20869
posted 02-07-2005 03:43 AM
hey dotta, my dad doesn't know, but my mom does. i guess i was lucky that i caught her at the right time, i.e. we were both shopping and having a great time. however, i owe a lot to luck though - the fact that so far i've been doing well in my studies, so my mom could see *reasonably* that i wasn't really being affected by a relationship, and so on.