T O P I C R E V I E W
Cate
Member # 3634
posted 05-05-2001 01:52 AM
Ok, i sort-of have a problem. One of my best friend is a guy. I have known him for about 2 years now. Since we have such a good friendship we known like everything about each other. My problem is that, I have a sort of crush on him . I don't know if i should tell him if i have a crush on him and risk losing a great friendship or don't tell him and keep it to myself. It has gotten to the point I look for him every day at school and is sad if he is not there and we walk to each other to class every day! But I feel a little weird liking my best friend! What should I do????? Help! P.S.-I also am worried about telling him that i have a crush on him because I am planning to move from texas to connecticut in 2 months. ------------------ Cate![This message has been edited by Cate (edited 05-05-2001).]
Heather
Member # 3
posted 05-05-2001 08:00 AM
You know, I married my best friend. And frankly, I can't imagine I would have even considered marrying anyone BUT my best friend (and I should add that of the ten years before, we spent many of them separated by a few states).Really, it's up to you whether or not you say anything, but do realize that if this is your best friend, you likely can be honest even if he doesn't share your feelings, and it isn't likely to damage your friendship in any way.
In my experience, dishonesty is usually what damages most relationships.
So, do what feels best to you, and realize that your feelings can't "make" anything happen. What the two of you do about them is up to you both, and you have choices.
------------------Heather Corinna Editor and Founder, Scarleteen
My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground." -- Kay Bailey Hutchinson
Siren
Member # 3243
posted 05-05-2001 08:26 AM
I'm just gonna add to what Miz. S said. I dated my best friend for a while. And my opinion is that if he's really your best friend, even if he doesn't feel the same, he'll stay your best friend. I chose to tell my best friend, he felt the same, and we started dating. Unfortunately, he felt more comfortable being just friends in the end. But the good part is we're as close as we used to be, if not closer. Hope everything goes well for you, whether you choose to tell him or not.
------------------Lil Siren -Scarleteen Advocate"What kind of paradise am I looking for? I've got everything I want, and still I want more...."- Ani
Cate
Member # 3634
posted 05-05-2001 11:47 AM
hey Miz scarlet and siren, thanks for the great advice, i think i will tell him how i feel next time i see him!! thanks again!------------------ Cate!
BlueGranola
Member # 3642
posted 05-06-2001 01:33 AM
I have been in that situation, I told him, and it turned out he liked me too. I had some idea that he did, because we'd been in very close contact (we were long-distance), we always seemed to talk about guy-girl stuff and talk about what we were looking for and it seemed to match, he didn't mind being squished up against me in the back of his parents' car when he probably would have had more room in the other direction... that sort of thing. So you can generally tell or have some gut instinct. If it feels right to tell him, go for it, but remember, if your friendship is that important to you be prepared to fight for it, because having a relationship that matters and striking that balance between best friends and making out all the time take a lot of work. It's not easy, but if you're committed it's so worth it. On the other hand, if he seems to want you just as a friend, don't even try, because that is the situation where it can screw up your friendship. I had that happen to me... we were friends, he flirted, I wasn't interested, he was a jerk and now we haven't talked in almost two years. So basically, follow your heart and try to sense what's in his.
Sorry this is so long, but it's some stuff I wish I'd known getting into this. It's over a year later and I'm still with him, btw.
ThisGuy
Member # 968
posted 05-06-2001 02:24 PM
I've had feelings for a close friend before. That was hard - I take friendship very seriously. It felt like a betrayal of sorts.I never considered asking her out. That's me.
I can tell you this much, though. My wife is my best friend. Any truly serious, long-term relationship is likely to be between people who are really close.
Its just a question of if you two can deal with the transition, and if he is even interested.
I don't know your situation, and like I said - I couldn't ask her out...but sometimes its best to just deal with these things in the open.
------------------Hersband
Cypher
Member # 1881
posted 05-06-2001 03:18 PM
It can be very intimidating when you have feelings for someone that you've already built another kind of connection with. My best friend of six years told me that he has feelings for me and I was shocked. I mean, he was the kind of guy who was popular and handsome and atheletic and I was just this silly tomboy girl who wasn't into any of that stuff. I didn't feel the same way about him, but the fact that he put it all out in the open made our friendship ten times stronger. It made me go through a huge range of emotions, but it NEVER ruined anything between us. It only made things better.My boyfriend of the past ten and a half months is my current best friend. He became that after we started dating, but I can honestly say I've never been this close to another human being in my entire life. And not simply because we're dating. He's been there for me through a lot of hard stuff and he's taken care of me. We're eighteen years old, but we've fielded problems most people don't have to go through until they're well into their twenties or thirties. I've been forced to grow up very quickly, and because he loves me, he has as well. And it's been hard and he's had a million oppurtunities when he could have bailed. But he didn't. And dating my best friend has been the best thing I've ever done!
------------------Smile, though your heart is breaking....
My crazy little universe....
"Whatever tomorrow brings I'll be there.... With open arms and open eyes...." -Incubus
Ella
Member # 1168
posted 05-06-2001 05:28 PM
I dated one of my best guy friends last summer. WHile breaking up hurt a lot (because of distance) it was worth it. Being with him in that way was perfect for last summer. This summer we're renegotiating being just friends in person. It's hard cause he wants more and I don't, but we've decided to be friends. Go for it, it's worth it!
lostcat
Member # 3295
posted 05-06-2001 06:05 PM
honestly, i think the best relationships often start with people who are very good friends beforehand. i know it's how it worked out with my boyfriend and i. (we met through a mutual friend and were mostly very good friends for a while, but a few months later, we found out we were mutually attracted to each other, and that was that.)in every relationship i've ever been in (which really isn't too many, so maybe i'm not the one to be talking) i've been very very very good friends or best friends with my partner. i'm like that with love, i guess. my boyfriend is my very best friend in the entire world, and my lover, so i guess i have benefits all over the place
------------------ "i need to wash myself again to hide all the dirt and pain, 'cos i'd be scared that there's nothing underneath"- radiohead
Starry Night
Member # 3476
posted 05-06-2001 07:46 PM
Wow, you guys could be my twins. I met my current boyfriend two summers ago at a program we both went to, and I thought he was a dork - and he thought I was annoying. But even though we were far from each other (Florida and Connecticut), we somehow started IMing each other and eventually calling each other. We saw each other twice a year at a Model Congress we both did for school. He came to visit me over Xmas break for a week, and told me he liked me. I felt the same way and we've been happily together ever since. The best thing about this is that we're both going to college together. Yay! Anyway, my best advice is to tell him how you feel, because otherwise you might miss out on one of the best things in your life. Hope everything works out.
Only In Dreams
Member # 3661
posted 05-11-2001 10:51 PM
I am, or at least I was, in that situation. I have a lot of guy friends, and one of them I like. A lot. A whole lot. Anyway, I recently decided to come clean with him. He had noticed that something was up with me, anyway. He said he didn't like me "in that way", and in a way I think that's better, because that could just screw things up. (It still hurt, though... )
------------------ "Would you rather be reincarnated as a farm animal or a muppet?"
Only In Dreams
Member # 3661
posted 05-11-2001 10:54 PM
quote: Originally posted by Cypher:It can be very intimidating when you have feelings for someone that you've already built another kind of connection with. My best friend of six years told me that he has feelings for me and I was shocked. I mean, he was the kind of guy who was popular and handsome and atheletic and I was just this silly tomboy girl who wasn't into any of that stuff. I didn't feel the same way about him, but the fact that he put it all out in the open made our friendship ten times stronger. It made me go through a huge range of emotions, but it NEVER ruined anything between us. It only made things better. That's so great! I can only hope it happens with me...
------------------ "Would you rather be reincarnated as a farm animal or a muppet?"
Moth
Member # 2606
posted 05-16-2001 06:15 PM
quote: Originally posted by Cate: One of my best friend is a guy. I have known him for about 2 years now. Since we have such a good friendship we known like everything about each other. My problem is that, I have a sort of crush on him . I don't know if i should tell him if i have a crush on him and risk losing a great friendship or don't tell him and keep it to myself. Tell him. Keeping something like that inside can hurt a friendship more than letting it out would. Also, it only stands to improve any potential relationship that you're already close friends. Really, that's one of the most special things in a romantic relationship. <g> And lastly, if you're devoted enough, distance won't be too much of a problem. I know you can do it. <g>
------------------ Signed, Moth.
"Nothing in Life is to be feared. It is only to be understood." -Marie Curie
ViCeVeRsA
Member # 3448
posted 05-18-2001 10:16 AM
my best friend is my boyfriend, and its really great. if you are willing to risk your friendship then talk 2 him about it. i cant really help because me and my b/f became best mates after we got together. if we broke up id never wanna lose him- ever. i love him like a brother 2
ViCeVeRsA
Member # 3448
posted 06-07-2001 02:53 PM
Holding On to a Fickle Hope
Member # 43391
posted 07-21-2009 12:17 PM
I'm in love with my Best guy-friend at the moment. It's sooo complicated because his 2year, long-distance girlfriend broke up with him several months back, and i dont know how over her he is, even though things have happened between us. I had told him i liked him, because i just had to get it off my chest - it was driving me mad. Untill recently i'd nearly given up on anything more happening between us, and assumed that (even though he's said he didnt want me to be a rebound) the stuff that had happened between us Was only because he was rebounding. I'd been kinda distant for about a month then we were both out with friends drinking and stuff and i got so drunk he had to look after me and then take me home. (i wasnt sick or anything, i'd just lost the use of my legs and spent most of my time lying on the floor giggling - i was told this, i cant actually remember a couple of hours). The next day i went out to meet ppl but ended up going home early. I text him later on and went over his, ended up staying the night. We had great fun, just like before things got awkward. Then he started initiating stuff - i never do because i'm scared he'll reject me- which surprised me, and also made me really happy, but then i remembered how anxious i used to get after anything happened in the past so i pulled away. I've seen him since and things have been fine, but i really want to talk things through with him and i know he'll only talk in certain situations because he's not a 'talking' kind of person. Basically he's just made me more confused as to if he has feelings for me or not, i feel like he might just be venting his feelings onto me because i conveniently happen to like him. =( I'm gonna try to go over his again sometime soon, i'm just worried that i'll not get a proper answer from him. I can't ask him out or anything cos i tried that a few months back and he said 'not right now' cos of the whole rebound thing, and i'm scared he'd just say the same again. Help....he's been sending me mixed signals for nearly 3 and 1/2 months!
ShadowStar
Member # 43391
posted 08-01-2009 03:32 PM
Lol this is kinda a dead topic but i just thought i'd say here too that everything between me and my friend has been sorted out. We are just Best Friends, but i'm happy things turned out the way they did and i think it was the right choice.