T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 2319
posted 01-09-2001 10:44 PM
When people hear about my girlfriend Ashley and I they think that we are like the fairy tale love story. Ashley and I have lived next door to each other since the day we were born. Both of our parents found out they were pregnant around the same time and Ashley was born about 3 weeks later than I was. We grew up together we went from learning how to talk to building club houses to going off into the scary world of becoming and being a teenager, but we always got to do it together. When Ashley and I got into 7th grade we started being boyfriend and girlfriend we broke up once the whole year but ended up getting back together again. We weren't like the regular adolecent middle schoolers that change boyfriend/girlfriends every week. Things went great up until 9th grade when Ashley was diognoised with Bone Marrow Cancer. I came to visit Ashley everyday in the hospital. I remember this one night that my Mom came into my room crying and telling me that Ashley had a bad reaction to a new medication and that they weren't sure she was going to be okay. My Mom drove me over there right away. I remember being scared but knowing inside that she would be okay because we were meant to be together. About 5 months later the doctors told Ashley that all of the cancer was gone, but they weren't sure if it would come back. Ashley was able to go back home, but because of the loss of hair Ashley felt very insecure about going back to school. The next day i went out and bought Ashley a hat that i remembered her having a liking too. I brought it to her and eventually convinced her to come back to school. Things went great Ashley's hair finally came back and there was no sign of the cancer coming back. Ashley and i am now 19 years old and are Sophomores in college at the University Of California. Things have been going so great and i am very much still in love with Ashley and i know she feels the same way. I know that we are only 19 years old but i have been thinking about asking Ashley to marry me. We have been through so much together and i know it will work out and that someday we will get married but why not now?
Member # 384
posted 01-09-2001 11:07 PM
Wow. It sounds like you two have been through a lot together and have a great friendship as well as a great romantic relationship. That's wonderful, and I'm really happy for you both.
As for getting married, it sounds to me like your relationship is really solid. Have you talked about marriage together? How about doing something really practical like sitting down and listing all the pros and cons of getting married now as well as waiting until you both finish college and are employed. Be sure you include both the practical stuff (finances, housing, etc.) and the emotional stuff.
I learned the hard way that marriage isn't just all romance and roses. It's also who takes out the garbage and where the money for the electric bill is coming from. Are you and/or Ashley receiving financial help from your parents? Would they continue to help if you got married? Money trouble is one of the leading causes of marital stress.
I'm not saying you shouldn't propose and/or get married before you're out of college. But you should try to take a good hard look at the practical side, too. You and Ashley have come this far, and if need be, you can wait two or three more years. Trust me, waiting won't make your relationship, or your marriage, any less special.
Member # 568
posted 01-10-2001 06:26 PM
fuddy duddy time for me. have you talked it over with her parents? imho, it's good to have the parents' blessing for the marriage before proposing. thing is, i'm seeing that my friends who are married and don't get along with the in-laws are having a rough time already. given that you seem to get along with her family, i suppose it's not a prob. but imho, it shows respect and chivalry to ask her parents' permission.
anyway, if you really love her, i see no problem with getting engaged. mazeltov to yas
i wish you well!
but i hope you both will finish your educations before taking the plunge -- even if marriage means scholarships and better campus housing.
btw, i am also a UC student. guess where! here's a clue:
Inspected by Number 26
Member # 3
posted 01-11-2001 01:24 PM
I agree with what both Gumdrop and Starry have said, and I'm going to add a little bit, as a married individual: it really depends on what that means to the both of you.
In other words, being "married" and living in a comitted relationship with someone can be just as meaningful, as can simply having stuck with that person through thick and thin for a long time (and it sounds liek you have) and pledging to continue doing so.
But I'd also have to say that HAVING been joined at the hip all of your lives, the more of your own life and self-identity SEPARATE from that person you have, the more of it you have to share. In other words, it sounds to me like you already both know how important you are to one another -- that isn't in doubt at all.
But your own lives are also important, and having some autonomy before you really settle down is a REALLY valuable thing. I can't begin to tell you how very glad I am that I waited until I was almost 30 to really shack up with my partner. We've been together off and on for a decade, and have been close friends all through that ten years, but the more you grow, the more you change, and the more you can bring to the table when you're ready to take that step.
For the most part, a good thing won't ever slip through your fingers if you don't tie it to your wrist. You just have to appreciate and nurture it each day, and it sounds to me like you do that very well.
Heather Corinna Editor and Founder, Scarleteen "If you're a bird, be an early early bird --
But if you're a worm, sleep late." - Shel Silverstein