T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 26
posted 12-12-2000 09:09 PM
For those that know me, you'll know of my boyfriend troubles… and a terrible mistake I made a few months ago involving my male flatmate and too much to drink...
Basically, in case you don’t know, I cheated on my b/f… and my pathetic Ross vs Rachel ‘excuse’ being that we were having a ‘break’ from the relationship, and that things hadn’t been good between us for a long time.
He was completely devastated, angry, hurt - I felt terrible, and for two months he didn’t let me get over my guilt, he encouraged it (though I don’t think this was on purpose).
We decided we could try to work things out, by taking things slowly... and even though this isn’t how I wanted to work it, I let if be, since I felt that being the offending party I should be glad he was even talking to me at all. So we did. We saw each other rarely, and didn’t get to emotional about what was happening with either of us…
I hadn’t seen him for about 6 days, so I decided to call around to see him (he knew I was coming)..
I noticed a) a funny smell and b) feathers from a feather boa on the floor.
Coupled with a guilty look on this face, I asked him if he’d had sex with someone. Of course he had. Except not with one, but two girls as a threesome in one night. And both girls are from his band.
Now he wants to get back together, because “we’re even”... He’s gotten his, and I’ve gotten mine.
I need some opinions on this situation… quite honestly it’s tearing me apart from the inside out.
Any ideas? Opinions?
Member # 3
posted 12-12-2000 09:28 PM
Oh, ouch, honey. I'm sorry.
Want the unexpurgated truth?
Anyone who considers having sex "getting even" shouldn't be in a serious relationship with anyone. Too, his reaction to your situation, intentional or no, sounds very emotionally immature and destructive.
Really. And without pushing the envelope too much (I know you;re sensitive right now), the last few stories you've posted here about this relationship sound a little to me like one or both of you are traying really hard to hang on to something that's just gone -- and before either of you had other partners.
It ever feel that way?
Member # 2050
posted 12-12-2000 09:33 PM
Two words. Dump Him.
What does he think this is? revenge? Just because you slept with someone else, he has the RIGHT to? No way. You made a mistake. And he was hurt by it. Now he wants to hurt you back? Knowing full well how it felt like to be "betrayed"?
I know it hurts. But, it is not worth it. What will happen next time if maybe in a fit of anger you hit him (just an example), is he going to slap you back coz then now you are "even"?
My ex was a big believer of the revenge rubbish. If I hurt him, he made sure he hurt me back. It hurts even more because I knew why he was doing it. For revenge. If he loved me, why would he put me through so much pain intentionally?
I think he never meant for you to find out but because you did, he used your "mistake" to squirm his way out of it. In this case, he is a bloody loser. Ask yourself, will this happen again? Will he hop into bed with another girl 2 weeks later and justify it by saying "you hurt me so much when YOU slept with another guy so I think you shld kno how it feels". from personal experience, it will happen again. Dun let him manipulate you like this.
But if he slept with the 2 girls intentionally to spite you, for revenge, ask he to F*** off. He is a bastard. He does not love you. And if he says he does, it is a warped love. Like after whacking their gfs into a coma, the guy goes "I'm sorry. I love you so much." You deserve much better. Trust me. This will never end. I went through all this rubbish for 2 years.
BTW, I was always on Rachel's side. If you need someone to tok to, I'm always contactable by email.
[This message has been edited by Lin (edited 12-12-2000).]
[This message has been edited by Lin (edited 12-12-2000).]
Member # 94
posted 12-13-2000 02:06 AM
Must agree with the two responses so far. And I'd like to add that you seem to be beating yourself up over your "cheating" far more than necessary. You felt bad about sleeping with that guy, and it was the wrong choice for you to make, for you at that time, but you were broken up with your boyfriend at that stage. Not only is your boyfriend manipulating his definition of your actions to suit his feelings, but he seems to think that it gives him an excuse to betray your trust without repurcussions. As Miz Scarlet said, he shouldn't even be in a serious relationship with this belief in "getting even".
Member # 384
posted 12-14-2000 09:40 PM
I've gotta go with the majority on this one.
Entropie, this doesn't sound like a healthy relationship, and the hanging on isn't helping. Maybe it's time to just make a clean break, spend some time as a "single" getting reacquainted with the other people in your life and with yourself.
Chalk it up to a "learning experience" (man, but I do hate "learning experiences!) and move on.
Member # 2051
posted 12-15-2000 05:03 PM
I hate repeating things, but the first thing that came to mind after reading your post was how IMMATURE he is! You deserve far better that someone seeking to get even.
Member # 2114
posted 12-15-2000 05:44 PM
I agree with everyone who has posted. If he used not ONE,but TWO girls just to get revenge on you, he shouldn't be in a relationship. You deserve so much more. I really don't know the past story, but I understand he was probably hurting, but that really doesn't excuse what he did. I'm sure you love him,and making a decision will probably be hard, but remember that you need to do what is healthy for both of you. If what you fell in love with is gone, what can you hold on to? I hope everything works out for you!
*~*We love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly*~*
Member # 2109
posted 12-15-2000 11:28 PM
Something like that kinda happened with my ex... I cheated on him and he cheated on me, except when he cheated on me he realized he liked the girl more than me. He never found out about it and I used it as an excuse to yell at him in the future, heh.
Anyway, as an actual responce... guys are dogs, but girls aren't perfect too. We cheat also! And for a guy thinking that he has to outdo you by doing not one but 2 girls, then he's just not worth it. If I were you I'd smack him across the face, but I have a tendancy to be violent...
*I wish I didn't care, but I do*
Member # 568
posted 12-16-2000 02:23 PM
i'm pretty much with the consensus that it's just not gonna work out. it's causing you a world of hurt. sex isn't a matter of getting even. and hurt is not quantitative in the way that one side negates the other, it only piles up bigger and heavier. so i'd have to say let it go before it buries you all.
Someday, I will have a sexy car...a very...sexy...car!