T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 59202
posted 03-18-2011 11:13 PM
My life has been pretty good to me from when i was born and I was a weird child who didn't have many friends, but I had a very lovable caring family. Then my parents had a divorce and everything just got screwed up. One of the biggest and major cause for this is my Step Mama. She was always yelling at me for things that I never did wrong and always looking for ways to get me in trouble with my dad. When I was around nine I started keeping a diary of all the problems I had with her and all the things she did to me and my younger brother. (For the record my brother has austism). She called my brother a lying stupid little brat and was always screaming and spitting on him as well as me. I am a very tiny person (especially back then I was 9 yrs old weighing 40 pounds and just barely over four feet tall) she always told me I looked terrible and that I was too skinny and that I needed to eat more and that doctors don't know what their talking about and that there was nothing healthy or normal about my body. Sometimes she would just randomly burst out yelling at me for no apparent reason or cause/trigger that I could find.
She still is like this today. Though the story i just described she isn't ALWAYS like that. She can actually be quite nice and loving and sometimes is actually sort of a mother figure to me. Usually when she's is all mean and nasty it's because her medications need to be adjusted (she has been diagnosed with clinical depression). She also had a very terrible child and when these upsets in her medication happen she has flashbacks about how her sister molested her and how her dad was always wasted and stoned and her mother sometimes beat her. I've been around her family there just awful people. Sometimes she'll have hallucinations too. I understand why she's like this but it's still not okay for her to scream and spit at me and my brother for no reason or for any reason at all right? Or call me and my brother really vulgar and terrible names. And no she doesn't hit us or anything of that nature she firmly states all the time she doesn't believe in hitting children (not even spanking)But I've been told that she could change and that it's a possibility. She also hates me. I mean yes there are a lot of people who think their parents hate them but I'm being serious. All my three other parents (my mama daddy and step dad) all think and say that she hates/hated me. I just don't understand what I could've done to have caused that. Any advice? [ 03-18-2011, 11:16 PM: Message edited by: Muffins123 ]
Member # 3
posted 03-20-2011 10:09 AM
I confess that I'm perplexed that you have three other parents who will say that this person "hates you," but who, I assume, have not done any intervening here.
That's a very serious thing to say: have any of them taken it seriously with any kind of intervention, like talking to your step-parent, or like initiating family therapy?
Member # 59202
posted 03-20-2011 07:57 PM
Well, my step mama does see a therapist once a week and my dad tries talking to her. But it doesn't always really seem to work. She denies the fact of ever hating me but it does seem believable that she does. The main reason that I can see is that she's jealous of my dad. I've always been a daddy's girl and very close to my father. Bonny does not only have jealously problems anyway, but she seems that she wants my dad to herself and is jealous of the relationship we have. Like if my dad is going to the grocery store he'll invite me to come along and then all of a sudden she says that she has to go too or else neither of us will here the end of it. My dad occasionally has these "family meetings" and basically we apologize to each other and the problem is suppose to be solved and then it happens again. My mama has gotten involved a couple times. But that only makes my step mama angrier. There really is no way to fix her so that these things don't happen again.
[ 03-20-2011, 07:58 PM: Message edited by: Muffins123 ]
Member # 3
posted 03-20-2011 08:22 PM
Intervening in a family where there is verbal doesn't just mean "fixing" a family member. You're right, sometimes people's behavior doesn't change or they won't change it: but that doesn't mean people being hurt need to keep on being hurt.
However, it sounds like the abuse has not been addressed adequately yet anyway to even know what works and what does not work. Her therapist may not know she is verbally abusive, for instance, and your father can't really do his own family mediation. I'd strongly suggest you ask a family member to take action here, and not by trying to handle this themselves, which is not likely to be effective. Is there one family member you feel you can trust to be proactive on your behalf?