T O P I C ††† R E V I E W
Member # 42300
posted 03-05-2009 10:50 AM
So I was sexually assulted over five years ago, and didn't tell anyone for a few years. I have been attending counciling for the past year. I have made HUGE steps to healing. My last counciling appointment my counsilor appraoched the subject of me not coming anymore, as I have made lots of progress and such. This is a two part question.
One, I do agree with her for the most part. I feel like I dont need to go see her twice a month anymore, and over all I am much much better. But for me, I am afraid of not going to counciling anymore because I am afraid I will just never talk about the assult again, and it will get barried all over again, and my old anger and sadness that came with never acknolwedging it will pop back up when I have worked so hard to be able to acknowledge it. I dont feel like I need to talk about it on a daily basis or dwell upon it, I just dont want to over time stop acknowledging it again... I know this sound...slightly crazy, but I would like any advice on how to deal with this or thoughts on it. My second question is I feel like I still sometimes get angry over stupid things that dont really matter. Each time it is to do with my stuff or space. I know it has to do with respect, power, and boundries. But I dont know how to fix it. I talked to my councilor and she seemed to indicate I would just get over it over time...but I dont think thats the answer. I know it will get easier over time, but I am wondering if there is strategies or something that can help me. I get so angry over stupid things to do with my stuff or my space, and I know they are things that really dont matter, but inside I am so mad...and then I get more upset cuz I know they are pointless things to be frustrated about, but I dont know how to be less mad about them. Other then these two concerns I feel like I agree with her about not needing to attend counciling anymore, but I just dont know. So any advice on these two things would be much appreciated. Thanks in advance for your time and what I am sure will be productive advice.
Member # 36725
posted 03-05-2009 12:03 PM
The one thing about counseling is that it really needs to be on the terms of the person seeking help. If you donít feel that youíre quite where you need to be in terms of ending the counseling sessions, then thatís something youíll want to bring up to her and really talk out with her. While she can suggest that she feels youíre ready, she canít read your mind, so until you express to her that youíre not feeling quite there yet she wonít know. But know too that even after counseling, talking about the abuse is something that happens on your terms as well. When you have a friend you feel you can trust and you just need or want someone to talk to, you can turn to them. In the same, others that may go through something similar may need help, and you can offer pieces from your own experiences to show what worked for you and how far you came from that help and support. As well, itís something youíll talk about with partners to make boundaries as per what youíre comfortable with. So while you may not talk about it, it doesnít become any less real by not talking, itís still a part of your past. And it doesnít sound crazy at all.
When you get angry about your personal belongings or personal space, is this something that happened after the assault? I ask because itís likely having someone enter your personal space without your permission could have impacted this a lot. Sometimes we do become angry, and the best way to work with that is to find what works for us. For instance, offering the use of something you know someone may borrow without asking. I had a shirt my sister always borrowed, so one night when she was going out I handed it to her and said ďWhy not wear this tonight. It would look great on you.Ē And I wasnít upset about it anymore because I let her borrow it. And in the same, have something you think when you do become upset that calms you. Like thinking to yourself, ďItís okay, I donít need to worry about that.Ē As well, set up boundaries ahead of time and let people know them. Say what youíre not okay with so they know before they do something that upsets you. Boundaries are important; itís just about knowing which battles to pick to fight. And if itís something thatís really bothering you, feel free to bring the subject up again with the counselor so she knows itís really a big thing for you right now. PS: Welcome to Scarleteen! [ 03-05-2009, 12:05 PM: Message edited by: Stephanie_1 ]
Member # 42300
posted 03-05-2009 03:52 PM
Thank you so much for your advice. I think that it a good point to remember. Just because I an not talking about it, doesn't mean its not real, or that it didn't really happen. It IS still part of my past to be shared with who I feel safe doing so.
Yes, I did become angry/frustrated with personal belongings/space after the assult. Before I was much more layed back. One more question...do you have any suggetion for how to calm myself down once I decide "not to fight the battle" because often I decide this but then I stew about it internally for the whole day. Its like I know its not a big deal, I wont say anything because its not worth mentioning, but I still inside feel upset and angy. Any tips???
Member # 36725
posted 03-05-2009 06:36 PM
Have you tried different relaxation techniques? Like spending some time on yoga or meditation when you are feeling upset like this? Sometimes it's easier to clear our minds of things bothering us when we're also spending time releasing tension and anxiety with our bodies. Also, finding an outlet simply in something you like to do, such as drawing or writing, taking a walk, or even singing your favorite song. Sometimes releasing anger and frustration can take some time as per finding a good outlet, but once you've got one you'll find it's easier.