T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 21123
posted 05-13-2005 03:54 PM
Hey, its been a long time since i wrote but i love u guys so much i decided to come back.
Ok so ive got a little bit of a problem now, not to big but enough to have me ask for help. See ive got a new bf since last time i posted that im really in love with! Hes a fantastic guy that i love to be around. Hes sweet, charming, and knows what to say at the right time, but u know everyone has to have a dark side right. Well his is his drinkin problem! He practically drinks all the time, he used to be worse but ive already talked to him and got him to slow down a little, but im only one person and cant make him stop completely. Hes not abusive when he drinks or anything hes just controlling which is a HUGE turnoff. See hes already controlling enough b/c he tells me all the time who im allowed to talk to and who im not, who im allowed to be friends with and who im not. It makes me mad but most of the time he says hes just playing. I dont want a kind of relationship like that where im being controlled or feel like it. My question is am i really being controlled or am i crazy, and should i change my life for someone i love if he really wants me too?
Thanks for all the help!!!!!!!
Member # 3
posted 05-13-2005 04:36 PM
Actually, the behaviour you're describing -- his telling you who to associate with, for instance -- IS abusive behaviour. Control IS emotional abuse.
What I'd suggest is that you move on. A emotionally controlling alchoholic is NOT a good choice for a partner, and flatly, until he gets off the sauce, you don't even KNOW this guy, because addicts aren't the same people they are when they are NOT addicts.
If he's ready to quit drinking, on his own, full-stop, or enter into a program and suddenly truly stops behaving the way he has been, there might be hope.
But otherwise? You've hooked up with a lost cause, honey, and you'd be wise to cut your losses, take a pass and move on. Sorry to deliver a giant buzzkill, but these sorts of things never end well, and very, very rarely get better, and even then only do when the person in question wants to fix their lives by themselves, FOR themselves.
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