T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 22641
posted 03-25-2005 06:25 AM
I've got a question about whether you think it is right for me to receive spankings from my stepfather, my mother's new husband.
I've always received spankings from my mother in the past (I'm now 15), but recently she remarried and she has said to me that she feels it is best if "the man
of the house" administers the punishment.
Already I have been spanked twice by my new stepdad, and I feel uneasy about it. The format has continued the same as before, only now it is him doing the
spanking (though my mother is always present). I have to remove my clothes from the waist down, and then bend over his knee to get spanked.
Though I have a good relationship with him, I have said to my mother that I do not wish to be spanked by him, especially not in this way. I have asked for a compromise - either he could spank me with my knickers still on, or she could spank me bare bottomed - but she is determined that it must continue in this way.
The last time it happened, I tried to resist it, but this ended up with me being held down by him while my mother pulled down my knickers and let him spank me,
which I found really embarrassing.
Can you give me any advice on what I should do? I've tried every form of reasoning with them, but they're not willing to compromise at all. I don't really want to bring others into it. What's the law on this?
Member # 568
posted 03-25-2005 11:03 AM
youre 15, which means you are way too old to be spanked as punishment.
Spanking as a punishment is intended for very small children only, those whose brains can't process abstract ideas of right and wrong, but will respond to and be repelled by negative stimuli. For example, a toddler who dashes outinto the street can be grabbed quickly and immediately given a wallop on the tush. The discomfort of the spank tells the kid "run into the street, and my butt will hurt". Whereas a 7-yr-old who runs into the street can be grabbed and told/yelled that if you run into the street, cars can hit you and you will die.
You are old enough to know right and wrong and have it explained to you. that means you're way past spanking and that your parents should find a better way of punishing you. truth be told, the fact that your stepfather makes you take your pants off for spankings strikes me as really creepy and tips me off to
sexual abuse. You might be raped or directly sexually assaulted, but there could be some sort of kink thing involved. Of course, I may be reading too much into the situation.
Nonetheless, I would suggest contacting the child protection authorities in your area. I'm not sure how the system works in the UK (or wherever you're from -- you really need to put your location in your profile).
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Member # 19894
posted 03-25-2005 11:51 AM
I have to agree completely with gumdrop. In fact my “creep-o-meter” was pretty much pegged by the whole pulling your pants down thing. Nothing good is accomplished by spanking anyone, period. You are quite old enough and mature enough to know right from wrong, and to accept the consequences of your decisions. There are plenty of other effective means of discipline that will allow your dignity
your knickers to remain intact. and
If you thought you could sit down with them and have a calm discussion without it deteriorating into a spanking for you that might be a good start.
If that is unlikely to be an effective option, look into your legal rights as far as getting an opinion as to the appropriateness of this form of punishment, and what protection you might be entitled to under the law (if any) in your area.
Here in the US, the courts have been variable in their opinion on corporal punishment in the home though I think things are improving. Good luck to you.
Member # 17971
posted 03-25-2005 01:46 PM
I don't think there's much more to add--Gumdrop Girl and Barabarosa's opinions are the same as mine. If your parents aren't responding whatsoever to any kind of calm discussion, you need to get outside help. Call the child protection agency for advice, or talk to a counselor.
You're too old to be treated like a toddler. You can tell right from wrong, and you're old enough to feel extremely uncomfortable with the whole thing [and what teenager
wouldn't be uncomfortable taking off her pants and having to lie on her stepfather's knee to get spanked?].
Oh, by the way, what kind of "bad" behavior on your part would result in getting punished in such a way?
I'm having a hard time finding out what the law says specifically but physical punishment can and often does escalate into child abuse, 60-70% of the time. Based on your age, the degree to which you are spanked and some other factors, your parents' behavior may already be considered child abuse. In that case, you will have to bring others into it, so that it can be stopped.
Member # 22641
posted 03-25-2005 03:39 PM
Thanks for your help everyone, I really appreciate it.
Don't worry though, I don't think it's really sexual abuse or anything like that, my step-dad is actually not as bad as it might make him sound, in fact we get on pretty well. I think it's more my mother who is persuading him to do it, so I need to talk to her.
Also, do you think it's so wrong for her to still spank me at my age? I mean, we've always done it since I was really little, and I actually don't mind it. I mean, it keeps me out of trouble and I actually feel pretty close to her afterwards. Going over her knee is kinda reassuring... I know that sounds wierd but I don't mind it if it's her. Is it unusual for teens to get spanked?
So I think I'm just going to work on getting her to go back to doing it herself, which I preferred. I'll let you know how it goes - tell me if you think I'm doing the right thing!
Member # 17971
posted 03-26-2005 06:07 PM
I don't know if you read over what Gumdrop Girl said in reply to your first post, but it's pretty much standard that spanking ends when reasoning begins. A two year old will probably respond to being spanked when s/he does something bad--to them, the "something bad" = ouchie so they won't do it again. But to a seven year old the logic behind it can be explained, so the growing child
can make his/her own good choices in regards to behavior.
Your parents are not always going to be around to follow you around, making sure you are obeying their rules for fear of being spanked. How much longer is this situation going to continue? If your logic is that a 15 year old is still a kid, living at home, you could keep saying that for a 16 year old, a 17 year old...however long your parents think they can do it, if you don't voice your feelings. There's a point where this kind of punishment is no longer necessary and you've gone far past that point already.
You never did say what kind of behavior on your part will result in spanking. But if you're still getting spanked on a regular basis, does that mean that you're not fixing your behavior? This could be why your mother isn't thinking of adjusting your punishment, if your behavior doesn't show signs of becoming more mature.
From what the other users have said, it's pretty clear that they think spanking a teenager is inappropriate and can actually cause more problems than solve them.
Also, your change of attitude is kinda a 180. Your other post said you were embarrassed and that your parents show no sign of budging on the issue. But now you say spanking is reassuring, and you are comfortable with it if its your mother doing the spanking?
By all means, if you're comfortable with it, then what can the rest of us at ST do? We can't tell you how to live your life. But you know that all the replies to your original post voice concern and a feeling of whoa-this-isn't-right for a reason.
Member # 22665
posted 03-27-2005 04:47 PM
I don't know where you're from but I'm european and I've always been punished in the exact same manner by my mom. I don't mind it's just over and thats my punishment but I don't think I'd be too happy with anyone else doing it besides my mom. I have other friends who are punished in the same manner.
Member # 26128
posted 11-11-2005 06:04 PM
I am 18 and was raised in Azerbaijan until I was 13. After that we moved to Florida. In Azerbaijan it is wholly the fathers decision how to punish his kid. My father spanked us with a belt, stick or riding crop and always on a naked butt.
When we moved to Florida we still got spanking but my father had to be more careful about leaving bruises. Spanking your kid is legal in Florida. One of my girlfriend who got spanked when she was 16 tried calling the police, they told her parents have a right to spank children until they are 18. I didn't try doing the same myself because it would have just got me another whipping.
I say, if you don't want to get spanked, don't misbehave!