T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 108725
posted 10-21-2013 08:37 AM
My fiance and I have been sexually active for about 2 months now. It started unintentionally and we were niave about the whole thing, so we were not using protection. We are long distance at the moment, so we weren't having sex every day or even every week, but we still realize the need for protection, so during our last visit, we talked about it and he went and picked up condoms.
That's where the trouble began. He could not keep an erection while wearing a condom. No matter how "ready to go" he was before, once he put it on, our interlude was finished. It was a very frustrating weekend for both us, to say the least. I'm no expert, as my fiance is the only man I've ever been with, but I personally thought that the condom was maybe too small/tight? Is that a possibility? If not, what could be other causes? Our next visit is for his birthday and I don't want us to have the same troubles again while we are celebrating his birthday.
Member # 90293
posted 10-21-2013 10:05 AM
Hi MrsHaley and welcome to Scarleeteen,
It's possible that the condom was too small, though they are supposed to fit snugly. It's also possible that because using the condoms was a new and unfamiliar sensation it interrupted things enough to affect your fiancé's arousal. Sexual arousal isn't static (unchanging) and can be affected by all sorts of things. I can understand this having been a frustrating experience. Unfortunately, that frustration may have exacerbated the issue, as frustration and sexual arousal rarely go together. I can't tell you for sure why this happened, or exactly what to do to prevent it from happening again, but it's possible that it was an isolated incident. If your fiancé wants, he could experiment with different brands of condoms to see if he finds one more comfortable and a better fit than another. He can do this before your next meeting, which can also give him the opportunity to get more comfortable with condoms on his own, without the pressure of a partnered sexual encounter. understand, I'm not saying that you're pressuring him; anything we do is going to feel less stressful when we're on our own versus with someone else. Putting a couple of drops of a water-based lube in the tip of the condom can also help it feel mor comfortable, which may help here. I'm presuming that when you say you're using condoms as protection, you're wanting to prevent pregnancy. I want to check in with you about whether you and your fiancé are both up-to-date on your STI (sexually transmited infection) testing as STI transmission is also something to consider if you weren't using condoms before. Since you're sexually active, it's time to start getting routine sexual healthcare anyway. If you're not getting that healthcare right now, do you have a healthcare provider you can make an appointment with?
Member # 108725
posted 10-21-2013 11:41 AM
We were both virgins when we met, so yes, it is much more about pregnancy, although when we slept together before we were using condoms he never ejaculated inside of me.
SInce we had sex the first time, I have seen my OBGYN, and am clean for all intents and purposes and am thinking about getting on the pill for convenience sake. I love him, obviously as we are planning our wedding, and have only been with him and plan to only ever be with him, but we need to figure out a way to be safe and practical, until we are married and ready to start a family.
Member # 25425
posted 10-21-2013 12:40 PM
Good on you for taking charge of your reproductive health, getting a check-up, and looking into protection.
If you need any more pointers on condom use, this article may help: Condom Basics: A User's Manual And if you'd like to get started on exploroing other options for birth control, you might like this article:
Birth Control Bingo!