T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 96266
posted 06-15-2013 06:02 PM
So I finally dumped the bitch I was with. Its was not easy, but I was only depressed for a few days, now I'm meeting new people off of dating sites.
There's this dude I've been talking to all week. I'm 19 he's 26. I take real advantage of my age. I'm taking advantage of a lot. I have a fetish for older people (mostly women). Thing is, I'm so experienced with women that I'm not used to sexual activities with boys. Me and him had been "sexting" since we met online. When I lost my virginity to my ex girlfriend, I didn't use protection, I took advantage. I had forgotten I need protection with boys. Me and the guy haven't met in person yet, and luckily he lives local. My best friend flipped out when he was telling me to use protection. He doesn't wanna see me get pregnant, even tho its unlikely because I'm on birth control. The guy I've been talking to says he doesn't like condoms and that he wants to be the only guy I mess around with. He even said he wanted to be my boyfriend and I said, we'll see how I feel after we sleep together. I can't make promises. My plan was to just fool around with boys until I'm ready to have another girlfriend, just to enjoy being single and take my mind off this girl trouble. To me women are a once in a lifetime thing and men are a dime a dozen. That's why my decision is so. I'm trying new things. I've never had a dick go inside me before. I have given blow jobs and tried to have intercourse at 15, but it hurt too much. It didn't go thru. My mom says that it was fear. My hymen is already gone but to this day it hurt when my ex tried to put her fingers inside me. I can't even wear a tampon. That's why my mom thinks its mostly fear. I'll give it to you; at 15 I eventually conquered my fear and got in the habit of internally masturbating with a dildo. That was temporary, pretty much for months but I stopped before I was 16. I haven't done it since then. See, I can put one finger in myself. It's like I can touch my own stomach, or neck, but it tickles when other people do it to me. So I gave him a heads up that I've never had vaginal intercourse. I have a dildo now, so I can prepare myself. I was never holding back from giving blow jobs. Just 1. I wanna have an experience of sexual intercourse, 2. I don't want him squirting in my mouth. I wanted to blow him then let him dig into me when he's close to cumming so he can do it in there instead. I brought home a female condom. I figure since he "doesn't like condoms" he said nothing about female. My mom thinks that's for giving oral sex to girls, but I learned how to use a female condom. My question is, would a female condom help open your vagina a bit? You know, does it hold it open? Also, from what my mom said about fear holding me back, well, of course, when it get's nerve racking my vagina get's tensed up, plus we were rushing right into it (me and my previous male partner). She says, if you slow down and get as aroused as you can, it's less intense. Also, I was able to see it because it happened on the couch. When I get shots, I don't look at the needle going in me and it reduces the pain. Another question. I don't understand, if sex is a pain for me, how is it that girls that talk about their sex life brag about it like, "OMG he had a huge dick it makes me moan omg best sex ever blah blah blah"; So much for that. A big penis made me moan alright but out of pain. Oh, yeh and my ex! When I dildoed her, she enjoyed it like hell. She loved when I gave her sexual intercourse. She's never even had sexual partners before me. Especially promiscuous girls. There's no way it can be painful and they "sleep around". It feels like I'm going thru an "everyone but me" thing. Every woman I know that shares her sex life enjoys it. Why not me? Anyone got an explanation for that?
Member # 90293
posted 06-15-2013 09:40 PM
There's a lot here, so if I don't get to all of it in this reply, I asure you we'll get to it. First of all, protection when engaging in sexual activities with someone of any gender isn't just about reducing the risk of pregnancy, but is also about reducing STI (sexually transmitted infection) transmission risks. Have you yet had STI testing? If not, I advise you do that, since you have been sexually active, before you engage in sexual activities with any other people and that you get tested regularly if you continue to engage in partnered sexual activities. The female condom isn't for performing oral sex on someone with a vulva. One would need a dental dam for that, actually. So, female condoms are intended for use with vaginal entry. REducing STI transmission risks isn't just about vaginal intercourse, either. STIs can be transmitted through anal sex, oral sex, and manual sex as well. So, to reduce STI transmission risks when giving someone oral sex it's sound to use a condom. You know, I'm getting the sense from your post that you're not so much interested in and looking forward to vaginal entry as you feel like it's something you have to/are supposed to do. It's not. If you just don't want to, for whatever r eason, you're never obligated. Is this something you want to do because you think it would be fun and pleasurable, because you're feeling a strong desire to do it, or because this guy you're interested in being sexual with is asking for it? No, female condoms don't really hold the vagina open. When it comes to reasons for tension, pain, or both in the vagina that's about the muscles surrounding the vagina. And yes, feeling worried or stressed, or not being aroused as much as possible, or not being 100% into the vaginal sex you're having can all be reasons why you might experience pain. In terms of why some people really enjoy vaginal intercourse: Well, because we're all different. somoe people enjoy it, some people find it painful, some people find it not anything to write home about at all. Some people may have all of these experiences at one point or another during their lifetime just depending on how they're feeling, what's going on in their life, how they feel about the partner they're with, and so on. I have to say that I'm feeling a little uncomfy with how you're talking about entire groups of people in this post--for example, seeing guys as being a dime a dozen. I think what you're saying here is that your feeling about guys are much more casual. I just wanted to remind you that we have all sorts of people reading these forums, so if we can avoid making blanket statements about whole groups of people and just being clear about our own wants and desires without making those about entire groups of people, that'd be good. Thanks. I'm going to leave you now with a few links, both about STI transmission and about painful vaginal entry. STI Risk Assessment: The Cliff's Notes From OW! to WOW! Demystifying Painful Intercourse
Yield for Pleasure
Member # 96266
posted 06-15-2013 11:40 PM
The last paragraph you said, Robin, that's a preference, meaning I'm personally able to get more guys but I can only get girls once in a lifetime. Its my personal opinion on how I live my life.
Another thing, I guess I wasn't clear, I said I WANT to have the experience. I know it's not an obligation. I'm just curious. On another hand I'm just nervous. Where else could he cum if I dont want it in my mouth and say by any chance I can't have vaginal sex?
Member # 90293
posted 06-16-2013 12:17 PM
Well, he can ejaculate into the condom. Since you don't know whether he has any STIs and there's no way for you to know, that's the safest place for him to ejaculate. Either that, or he can ejaculate well away from your body.
It's not unusual for you to feel nervous about engaging in a sexual activity that previously hasn't worked very well for you, and with a person you haven't yet met. Were you able to read any of the links I gave you above? If so, did they give you anywhere to start in terms of what you can try to make vaginal entry more comfortable for you? I certainly can understand, after a breakup with the first woman you were serious with, how it would feel like finding a woman you're compatible with would feel like a once in a lifetime opportunity. When you're ready to engage in a relationship of any sort with another woman, I suspect you'll find that meeting women you click with isn't as impossible as you're feeling like it is right now. I understand you're really angry at your ex right now, but I really do need to ask you to use less harsh language here and to not, for example, refer to people as bitches. We really do want to make this as safe a place for everyone as possible, and that includes the way we use language.