T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 107475
posted 05-09-2013 10:09 PM
First off, let me begin by saying I'm a male, and from what I've seen, probably one of the few guys here. Anyway, recently my girlfriend and I have started having sex, and I've been doing a lot of research and reading up on everything, so I can know as much as I could possibly know on the subject, I found this site cause I read the book. (yeah I'm kinda nerdy like that, but I want to be thorough and prepared.)
Anyway, we had sex, I used a condom and withdrew before ejaculating. I double-checked everything, no breaks or tears or anything. So everything should be alright, correct? I dont know, I'm just uneasy because we had sex a week ago and like it just hit last night, that there's nothing we can do about it if something went wrong. Like I could just use some reassurance from someone who's more experienced on the subject and knows more about it. I apologize if this comes off as weird/obsessive/creepy, I don't mean it to be. Since this is something that is still new to me, I'm still not like 100% sure with stuff, i could just use some reassurance. [ 05-09-2013, 10:10 PM: Message edited by: Dukhi ]
Member # 90293
posted 05-10-2013 06:08 AM
Hi Dukhi and welcome to the scarleteen message boards,
You don't sound creepy to me. You sound thoughtful, and a little unsure. If you used the condom correctly (using it for all genital contact) and it did not break or slide off, then you can trust that it did it's job. You actually used two birth control methods: condom and withdrawal. Take a look here for the effectiveness raes of combining birth control methods: The Buddy System: Effectiveness Rates for Backing Up Your Birth Control With a Second Method You've said that if something went wrong (and by this I think you mean pregnancy) there would be nothing you could do. this isn't quite true. For starters, if you had a condom break, you still have an option. Depending on how old your girlfriend is, and her ability to get to a pharmacy or clinic, she could choose to take emergency contraception, which does reduce the risk that pregnancy would happen. if pregnancy did occur, there still would be options besides carrying the pregnancy to term and parenting--namely terminating the pregnancy or carrying it to term and adoption. Admittedly, those choices aren't easy for a lot of people, and life becomes, depending on the choice made, less simple, but there are options. You also hav the option, if you're just feeling like, after all the information you've read, you can't handle *any* risk of pregnancy of opting not to engage in sexual activities that could lead to pregnancy. I often get the impression that people feel like once they start having that kind of sex, they aren't supposed to go back to not having it. It doesn't work like that. It's always okay to talk with a partner and decide together that this just isn't the right sexual activity for you right now. By the by, have you talked with your girlfriend about feeling nervous and unsure about the risk of pregnancy?
Member # 107475
posted 05-10-2013 06:19 AM
By me saying there's nothing we can do anymore, I meant like in terms of emergency contraception or anything, like at this point, only thing to do is wait and see what happens. That's the thing that makes me unsure.
And I have talked to her. We're both coming to terms with it, like I'm not as uncomfortable about having sex simply because we're both very open and understanding about it, neither of us wants to influence the other's decision. Thanks for the link to the buddy system, looking at the percentage rates for that was really helpful
Member # 90293
posted 05-10-2013 07:00 AM
Nodding. I'm glad the link was helpful. The risk here really is very, very low.
Would you like any help with figuring out what you're comfortable with for the future?