T O P I C R E V I E W
Forever_Young
Member # 102667
posted 01-30-2013 07:15 PM
Hi, I'm 19 years old and am still a virgin, but my boyfriend and I tend to fool around sometimes (fingering, oral etc). I'm worried that I could get pregnant from an incident that happened yesterday, although I know the chances are pretty slim, but I can't take my mind off it. I have an app on my phone that helps me track my period cycle. My last period was from the 16th - the 23rd of January (finished 7 days ago). (Yesterday was the 30th). It shows a fertility forecast starting on the 25th, and that I 'should' be ovulating on the 3rd of February (in 3 days time now). So I know it's a slim chance, but yesterday we began fooling around in bed. He took off my underwear and begin to finger me, meanwhile I gave him a hand-job (we were laying down next to each other). Eventually he asked to try '69', so I placed myself over his penis and did my thing, while he did his on my end. After a few minutes, he came (he usually warns me so I can reach for some tissues to stop it from going everywhere, but this time he didn't). I basically got it all over my hands, then went to the bathroom to wash it off. He then sat up and started to clean himself up with some tissues (so there's a good chance he could have had some semen on his hands). He then joined me in the bathroom and also washed his hands with soap, and we went back into the bedroom where he started to finger me again. So, I'm worried that there could be a chance he somehow got semen on my underwear while he was cleaning up (it was laying on the bed next to him), and then transferred to me when I put it back on a few minutes later (my underwear was wet from myself and I'm wondering if the sperm could transfer from that, into my vagina when I put it back on!?), I know it's a long shot, but I've been thinking about it all night, and we also talked about it together. I'm considering getting the emergency pill/ morning after pill today, just to rule out any risks, and put my mind at ease since my period only just finished a week ago and it'll be a few weeks before it comes again, and I don't think I can mentally wait that long. Sorry for the extensive details but I'm just really worried that something may have happened, I just have this strange feeling. I don't think we'll be fooling around again like this any time soon as it got us both a bit scared, and the stress isn't something I can deal with right now, or ever for that matter. What is your opinion on this? Is it worth taking the morning after pill? I'd rather be safe than sorry, but I don't want to take it unnecessarily (is it expensive?). Thank you, I really appreciate having a place where I can talk to someone about this.
Karybu
Member # 20094
posted 01-30-2013 07:23 PM
Hi, Forever_Young, and welcome to Scarleteen. We do ask that anyone wondering about a pregnancy risk read through the information and links in this thread first: http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?/ubb/get_topic/f/27/t/027786.html Once you've done that, if there's still something you're not clear on, come on back and we can help you figure it out.
Forever_Young
Member # 102667
posted 01-30-2013 07:36 PM
Thank you, I've read the 'PregnancyScared' secion, and it seems very informative, but I'd like a personal opinion on my situation, if that's possible? I'm probably just being paranoid, but I had a strange feeling that something wasn't right when I got home. Again, that's probably just my brain trying to mess with me, but you can never be too careful!
Karybu
Member # 20094
posted 01-30-2013 07:43 PM
From the Pregnancy Scared article: quote: Were you only kissing, having oral sex, manual sex and/or dry sex, where someone (or everyone) had clothes on and/or no one ejaculated on or very near anyone else's vulva? These kinds of sex do NOT present pregnancy risks, though some present risks of STIs. Based on that, does it seem like you've had a pregnancy risk? My personal opinion (and that of any of the other volunteers and staff here) will be based on that information, so what do you think we would say?
Forever_Young
Member # 102667
posted 01-30-2013 07:49 PM
I guess the risk is quite low based on that quote, but like I said I was just trying to be pro-active and informed before I made a decision to take or not take EC. I'm probably over-reacting, but it's important for my peace of mind to have things cleared up.
Karybu
Member # 20094
posted 01-30-2013 07:54 PM
I understand wanting to be pro-active - it's a good thing! We just want to encourage people to figure out their level of risk for themselves from the articles on the site. So, given that you didn't have any direct genital contact, and your partner didn't ejaculate on or near your vulva, pregnancy isn't possible (and therefore EC isn't necessary at all). Does it make sense why that is?
Forever_Young
Member # 102667
posted 01-30-2013 08:01 PM
I completely understand, and the information is definitely very helpful! No, we didn't have any direct genital contact, and he ejaculated in my hands, which I then immediately washed. The only thing I was concerned about is if it was possibly for the semen to impregnate me if it happened to get on my underwear, which I then put on a few minutes later, but I doubt that could have happened. My partner was also a bit paranoid that the semen may have no washed off his hands properly before he started to finger me again(even though he used soap).
Robin Lee
Member # 90293
posted 01-30-2013 08:59 PM
Hi Forever_Young, As Karybu indicated, direct contact between bare genitals is what is needed for there to be a pregnancy risk. To understand this, take a read through Where DID I Come From? A Refresher Course in Human Reproduction You might also find this advice column we recently published to be helpful:http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/how_do_you_avoid_getting_pregnant_after_giving_a_handjob_or_oral_sex Does this help?
Forever_Young
Member # 102667
posted 01-30-2013 09:20 PM
Yes, thank you. I'll show these articles to my partner too, so he can become better educated too. Thank you for all your advice, but I'll still probably hold my breath till my next period! Haha, Thank you.
Forever_Young
Member # 102667
posted 01-30-2013 11:47 PM
Ok, so I've discussed this further with my partner, and he still seems a bit concerned. I'm just wondering, is there any reason NOT to take an EC pill? Wouldn't it be worth the peace of mind rather than waiting 3 weeks till my next period and spending that time worrying. Also approx how much do these pills sell for? Thank you.
Robin Lee
Member # 90293
posted 01-31-2013 08:09 AM
Well, emergency contraception can be expensive. It generally costs $30-$60. There can be some pretty significant side effects to emergency contraception. It contains a high dose of hormones which many people's bodies react to. One fairly common side effect is that it can interrupt the menstrual cycle for a few months after taking this. This can include spotting between periods, missed, late, or early periods, and periods that are longer, shorter, or otherwise different from what one is used to. Here some more information onEmergency Contraception (Plan B or the Morning-After-Pill) Since the articles make it pretty clear that what you described is not a pregnancy risk, I'm wondering what points still are concerning to you and your boyfriend?
Forever_Young
Member # 102667
posted 01-31-2013 05:26 PM
I see. I think it's just paranoia really. Pregnancy is something unacceptable in our culture/ religion, especially before marriage. Pre-marital sex is something looked down upon very heavily, so I guess it's more of a mental saftey net, that if there was the slightest chance of pregnancy arising from this situation, taking EC would give us peace of mind that it won't happen. So even though we're 95% sure that there isn't a pregnancy risk involved in this latest situation, we feel as if that 5% could somehow change something. Another big concern is that abortion is ethically immoral, so if I don't take the EC today (Friday, which is 2-3 days after the 'risk'), then there's no turning back if there was to be a pregnancy involved. Does that make sense? I know it sounds very extreme, but it's something that would effectively ruin our lives/careers if it were to happen, (simply at this stage ofcourse, I have no issue with having children once I'm married).
Karybu
Member # 20094
posted 01-31-2013 05:37 PM
Being worried about pregnancy won't create a pregnancy risk all by itself if there wasn't one to begin with (if that makes sense). It's understandable - given how loaded premarital sex is for you - that you're worried about this, but that anxiety doesn't mean that there's an actual risk. By all means, if it would help you feel less stressed, and you think it's worth it, you can absolutely go ahead and take EC, but it won't do anything to reduce a risk because there's no risk TO reduce in the first place. Do you feel like taking EC would help you with your anxiety? (Also, let's please avoid statements like "abortion is ethically immoral," since that may be how you feel personally, but it's certainly not true for everyone here, and this is a pro-choice space. Thanks.)
Forever_Young
Member # 102667
posted 01-31-2013 05:46 PM
It does make sense, thank you. I've always been quite an anxious person to begin with, and this situation has only doubled my stress levels over the past few days. It's all I can think about, and the thought of becoming pregnant at such a young age is terrifying to me. I've seen how teen pregnancies have effected a few people in my life, and it's quite sad. It helps to have all of you here to talk to and discuss this. It's not something I feel comfortable to openly discuss with my parents. So I guess EC would help with my peace of mind over the next few weeks, since I'm starting a new study path next week, and all this stress leading up to it hasn't been good for me already, but then I've heard that it can even increase levels of anxiety in some women, so now I'm wondering whether it's REALLY worth it or not. I'm just really confused. (Sorry about the abortion statement, I didn't mean to offend anyone, it's just my personal opinion).
Karybu
Member # 20094
posted 01-31-2013 06:02 PM
I'm glad that discussing this is helpful. Unfortunately, the decision about EC isn't one anybody else can make for you; it's really up to you to weigh how much peace of mind it would give you against the potential side effects, cost, etc. For what it's worth, it's pretty unlikely to result in an increase in anxiety - more common side effects are things like nausea, irregular bleeding, some breast tenderness, etc., but again, it's up to you whether you want to deal with those potential side effects or not. (No worries about the abortion statement; everyone gets to have their own opinion, we just ask that it be made clear that it is your own opinion.)
Forever_Young
Member # 102667
posted 01-31-2013 06:08 PM
I understand, that's something I always seem to have a problem with, making my own decisions! So in your opinion, from what I described in the first post, do you see ANY sort of event/action that could have potentially posed a risk of pregnancy? I've heard many opinions about 'manual sex' as you call it, and whether it's possible to get pregnant from it or not. I've also heard some people say that sperm can live for up to 72 hours outside the body (in a particular environment), wheras others say they only last a few minutes.
Robin Lee
Member # 90293
posted 01-31-2013 06:37 PM
Based on what you've read in the materials we've provided, do you think you've had any risks. I hear you voicing concern that you're getting conflicting information from the different sources you've consulted. Would it be helpful to work through how to figure out what information is sound and accurate? If so, this article is a good tool with which to do so.http://www.scarleteen.com/article/crisis/legit_or_unfit_finding_safe_sound_sex_educators_support_online
Karybu
Member # 20094
posted 01-31-2013 06:39 PM
With what you've heard about manual sex posing pregnancy risks, where did you get that information? Unless it was a sound medical resource, it's not a reliable source - Dr Google and Dr YahooAnswers are not, as a rule, great medical professionals. Same goes for the info saying that sperm can live up to 72 hours outside the body. Sperm need a very specific environment to survive (the environment of semen, basically) and once that environment is disrupted by handwashing or wiping your hands or transferring tiny amounts of semen from place to place, those sperm aren't viable anymore. [ 01-31-2013, 06:40 PM: Message edited by: Karybu ]
Forever_Young
Member # 102667
posted 01-31-2013 06:56 PM
Robin, personally I don't think there is much of a risk, but my conscience tells me otherwise (probably from all the over-thinking & stressing). Karybu, the only information I've gathered has been on the internet and on this forum, so yes, I've figured that Dr Google and YahooAnswers aren't very reliable now, haha, but it all seemed viable at the time of panic. This whole situation has been really hard on me mentally, I know I've probably over-reacted, but as you know, pre-marital sex is something unacceptable in my culture (which I've managed to avoid thus far), so this incident was just really new and foreign to my partner and I. I think reassurance from people like yourselves is very helpful for someone like me, so thank you. I'm trying to tell myself that I don't need the EC, and honestly I'd be better off without it over the next few weeks, as I'm going back to study next week. I just need to convince myself that it'll all be ok... and pray that it will be.
Karybu
Member # 20094
posted 01-31-2013 07:05 PM
I hardly ever say this, but I think right now, trusting your conscience isn't going to be helpful. It sounds like you've pretty much decided not to get EC, but you're still stressing some, is that right? What are you doing to take care of yourself and try to reduce some of your anxiety? Do you have any tricks that have worked for you in the past when you've been stressed - things like distracting yourself with a good book or movie, exercise, writing in a journal?
Forever_Young
Member # 102667
posted 01-31-2013 07:18 PM
Yes, well I've half-decided to not take it... haha. Like I said, making final decisions is something I've always found very difficult. Distracting myself from my anxiety has always been a problem too. I had to quite my University studies last year after 2 months because it was too stressful and overwhelming, and I was starting to find myself being depressed and constantly striving for perfectionism (which I guess could be a good thing, but not in my case). I was on anti-depressants for a few months, which I eventually stopped taking, and have since then felt alot better. But this whole situation has almost brought it back again in some way. I just tend to over-think and over-analyse things alot. So making this decision to whether it's worth taking EC or not, is quite stressful.
Karybu
Member # 20094
posted 01-31-2013 07:29 PM
Have you ever had any counseling for your anxiety? If even the decision about whether or not to take EC when it's not needed is stressful for you, that's a pretty good indication that you would likely benefit from talking with a professional about managing your anxiety, and not just around pregnancy risks. I understand having difficulty making decisions - been there, done that, many times - but it isn't something anyone else can do for you. Either you decide now, or you wait until it's too late (which is sort of making a decision too).
Forever_Young
Member # 102667
posted 01-31-2013 07:38 PM
Yes I had student counselling during my Uni studies and the counsellor advised that I take a break from study, which is what I did. That's why I find forums like this so helpful, because I can talk to people about my personal issues without the feeling of being judged (I've recently discovered that I suffer from social anxiety also). So I guess seeking advice from others influences my final decisions, hence I'm keen to see what other people think about this particular situation, and benefiting from their wisdome/ knowledge.
Forever_Young
Member # 102667
posted 01-31-2013 07:42 PM
Yes I had student counselling during my Uni studies and the counsellor advised that I take a break from study, which is what I did. That's why I find forums like this so helpful, because I can talk to people about my personal issues without the feeling of being judged (I've recently discovered that I suffer from social anxiety also). So I guess seeking advice from others influences my final decisions, hence I'm keen to see what other people think about this particular situation, and benefiting from their wisdom/ knowledge.
Karybu
Member # 20094
posted 01-31-2013 07:43 PM
It's fine to talk all of this out here, but the reason I asked about counseling is that we're not mental health experts, and something like general anxiety or social anxiety is best treated by a professional. No one's judging you here, but a counselor shouldn't be judging you either - did you get the feeling that the counselor you saw was judging you? As for getting other people's opinions and benefiting from their knowledge, we've given you all the information we have and our opinions as well, and we can't really do anything more than that.
Forever_Young
Member # 102667
posted 01-31-2013 07:51 PM
No, the counselling was fine, I didn't have a problem with it. Your help is greatly appreciated. I guess I'll just have to figure out what I want to do now. Not 100% sure what that will be yet, but I guess I'll just have to wait and see. Thanks again to everyone who stated their opinions.
Karybu
Member # 20094
posted 01-31-2013 08:01 PM
You're welcome, and if you have anything more you want to talk about, feel free to do that here.
Forever_Young
Member # 102667
posted 02-01-2013 12:30 AM
So I've decided to take the EC, I know it may be unnecessary, but I just need the peace of mind. My partner picked it up, it's called Norlevo, and you're meant to take the one tablet on a full stomach to avoid nausea etc. Do you know when I should expect my next period after taking the EC? I know it's going to mess with my cycle a bit. Thanks.
Robin Lee
Member # 90293
posted 02-01-2013 06:43 AM
No, there's no way to know when you'll expect your next period. Many people who take EC find that it messes with their cycle quite a lot, and the effects usually last a couple of months. That's a pretty common side effect, though, as with all side effects, it's also possible that you won't experience this. Just know though that it might not be possibl for a couple of months to predict when your period will come.
Forever_Young
Member # 102667
posted 02-05-2013 07:15 AM
Just thought I'd update on my progress. I took the EC, and didn't really have any side-effects except for feeling a bit poorly that evening. Also had a sore stomach for a little while, but It went away after about 30 minutes. I took it on a full stomach, so I'm guessing that helped with preventing any extreme nausea or vomitting. Apart from that, I feel fine. Ofcourse I haven't got my period yet, but I had only just finished a week prior to taking the EC anyway, so it may be a few weeks coming. Thanks for all the help. I'll let you know how I go. PS: It was cheaper than I expected. Only cost $20 for the one pill.