T O P I C ††† R E V I E W
Member # 97532
posted 09-27-2012 11:04 PM
I am sure there have been a few posts about this, but I would like to get a more detailed answer that would fit my situation better.. Iíve become a lot more comfortable as an adult and donít have as much of a problem talking about my issues than I used to.. so with that being said!
I am not sure how I discovered what felt so good at a young age. I know we start to become curious, even if we donít understand, as babies. But if I remember correctly, I have been well aware of my body (in that aspect) since I was incredibly young, maybe too young, I think. The intensity and repetitiveness was too much for someone who was so little. Multiple times since I was 8 or 9. Shower, toothbrush, you name it, I discovered it and took advantage of it daily, sometimes multiple time a day.. Now that Iím older, Iím almost 100% positive I have greatly desensitized myself from being able to reach an orgasm. I have a very serious boyfriend, and have never ever been able to climax with him, and I know itís not anything heís doing wrong. I can bring myself to climax, but usually it's only when I'm using the most intense vibrations (back massager, wall plug) possible. Without a toy, it takes me almost an hour, and Iím sometimes sore the next day. Iíve tried everything. Waiting weeks, even a month or so, to see if that would bring back some sensitivity, but no such luck. It sometimes seems like itís getting worse, and the toy Iíve been using takes up to 20 minutes.. which just seems like an obnoxious amount of time for something so strong.. I was also thinking of labiaplasty, curious if that would help with the problems I am experiencing. I know it is an expensive procedure, and it wouldnít be any time in the near future. I am still, after all, a half-broke college kid who still has two years to go before Iím finished with my degree.. Maybe when I could afford it on my own, but Iíd like to have the information and be educated about all of this to help ease my mind. My primary doctor is also the one who does my pap/exams, but I assume she isnít a specialist in such things. I was curious if there are actual treatments or options anyone knows of, or if it would be in my best interest to go to a specialist and talk to them about it, or if theyíd tell me theyíre not sure and send me away. Maybe a psychologist, if there isnít anything I could do medically.. It isnít something thatís harmful to my health, but it is frustrating emotionally/mentally. I have a normal to high libido and I find myself getting jealous that my boyfriend is able to orgasm so easy when I really, really REALLY struggle with it. I have never been one to experience jealousy much in my life, and I really hate the feeling. Any help would be much appreciated!
Member # 44405
posted 09-28-2012 02:57 AM
As someone who sought to have labiaplasty for purely aesthetic reasons, I found in the MAJORITY of patient experiences that they lost most if not all sensation, some even were so unlucky that a "little snip" resulted in having their entire labia minora removed along with their clitoris. Those were of course the worst case scenarios, but I found much more testimonials from labiaplasty patients who urged no one to go down that path. So I would tread carefully.
How do you think having your labia altered would change your sensitivity? As per taking a long time to climax (20 minutes to me sounds quite fast actually) is not uncommon. Are you used to faster escalation, or is there some other reason why time is a concern? Maybe the problem isn't as much your sensitivity but the fact you are feeling stressed about your ability to climax and are too focused to actually allow yourself to relax and enjoy? A point to consider. I used to not be able to climax with my partner because I was subconsciously sabotaging myself with "What if I can't, what if I can't, what if I can't" playing through my mind whenever we had partnered sex. I hope you'll get further replies from Heather and/or the volunteers who will likely have more experience. Just giving you my two cents in the meantime.
Member # 35643
posted 09-28-2012 03:44 AM
From reading your post, I have a couple of questions. When you're starting masturbation or partnered sex, are you already very aroused and wanting sex? And do you ever use toys or touch yourself during intercourse with your boyfriend? If so, does that help? I think it's fairly uncommon for many women to orgasm from intercourse alone.
I agree with what Cian said regarding labiaplasty.
Member # 3
posted 09-28-2012 10:30 AM
Just FYI, there's no medical data I know of to support the layman (or is that laywoman?) idea of "clitoral desensitization" from masturbation, unless injury occurred during that masturbation that severed nerve endings.
It's incredibly common for children to masturbate, and again, unless they sustain actual injuries doing so, nothing to support that childhood masturbation impacts genital sensitivity. So, if you're looking for a doctor who specailizes in this, you're not going to find one; same goes for treatments for something that isn't actually a real thing. But if you want a doctor to talk to about this, starting with an OB/GYN is probably your best bet or, since this likely isn't a physical issue, a sex therapist. Inability to reach orgasm (though it doesn't sound like you usually have an inability) is far more often psychological than physical, especially when someone has no known health conditions that impact sexuality. As well, orgasm is about much, much more than your genitals or your clitoris: in fact, it can occur without any interaction with those parts of the body at all. (And yes, like Cian said, removing any of the labia means removing some of the nerve endings that are inside the portions removed, so that seems incredibly counter to what you want here.) [ 09-28-2012, 11:28 AM: Message edited by: Heather ]
Member # 3
posted 09-28-2012 10:38 AM
In the meantime, by the way, chances are awfully good that the level of frustration you've been baking is a big part of what's going on here. Same probably goes for not sharing with your boyfriend what DOES work for you and bringing that -- in this case, it sounds like toys -- into your sex life together.
If you can dial down the frustration AND incorporate some of what works in your solo sex life into your partnered sex life, chances are awfully good you'll not only reach orgasm more quickly, but feel a lot more satisfied overall.
Member # 3
posted 09-28-2012 11:14 AM
Also, one more thing, just in case you don't know.
Bonafide sexual or medical conditions? When we put them into search engines, most often what will come up at the very top of those searches are pages from medical sites or credible sexuality sites. When most of what we get when we do a search are credible sites debunking something, and only scam sites, or those where things are answered by people without education or training? It's a good way to know something is bollocks. None of this is to say the changes in your sexual experiences aren't real, nor your frustration around orgasm. It's just to say that it's most likely not because of anything being wrong with the nerve endings in your clitoris, nor with having masturbated as a child, as most children do.
Member # 97532
posted 10-01-2012 03:26 PM
Thank you all for your help!
Member # 3
posted 10-01-2012 03:45 PM
Do you want to talk more about this moving forward, now, like about how to incorporate toys into sex with a partner, or how to talk about any of this with a partner?