T O P I C R E V I E W
orose37
Member # 69019
posted 06-26-2011 06:33 AM
I keep hearing that during oral a girl should always swallow. Guys and girls keep saying that its best to swallow or that they do even if they don't like it because it makes their partners happy...whats the issue with swallowing? Why do guys want their girlfriend (Or boyfriend) to swallow? I hate doing it (and will no longer do it) because it tastes HORRID. What are your opinions on this subject?
The Confused One
Member # 48587
posted 06-26-2011 07:46 AM
I think for a lot of people, it's associated to dominance. The girls who say that they should do it probably think of it as kinky. I dunno, never experiencing swallowing semen, I wouldn't exactly know, but having tasted something similar, I'd say I'd not like it either XD Still, a friend once told me that it's an acquired taste, and I believe him. Afterall, he's WAY more experienced o.O And it DOES make sense. So maybe I might take a liking to actually swallowing, or not, I dunno. But you know, if you don't want to swallow, you can always firmly tell your partner no. We always have a choice. If I didn't like swallowing and my bf insists on it, I'd purposely spit it out for the sake of 'disobeying' him >:3
Heather
Member # 3
posted 06-26-2011 09:55 AM
Just to be sure it's clear, there should never be any rules in sex like this. In other words, it's always okay for people to tell sexual partners what is and isn't okay with them, but requiring any partner or gender to do things sexually -- regardless of how they feel about it -- isn't okay. If and when someone you might be sexual with suggests you should do something based on your gender, they're giving you a really good cue about their level of (as in, lack of) maturity when it comes to sex, and sending a pretty clear message they're probably not a great choice of sexual partner. There is no "best" with this. There's just what some people are and aren't okay with, and what some people like and don't like. It seems clear you don't like it, so that's all you need to know. You don't like it, so you get to not do it. As well, partners being happy should be about ALL partners, and if ever someone feels that they can enjoy something regardless of whether or not their partner does, that's another red flag of someone who is probably bad news. If and when people on the other end of that equation don't get that trying to make a partner happy by doing anything that makes them unhappy isn't sound, they may need more time before being sexual with other people to develop a better understanding about healthy relationships or to become more assertive. (Just a reminder, too: fellatio presents risks of contracting sexually transmitted infections, so oral sex without a condom, period, can be unsafe.) [ 06-26-2011, 10:46 AM: Message edited by: Heather ]
orose37
Member # 69019
posted 06-26-2011 04:46 PM
quote: Originally posted by The Confused One: I think for a lot of people, it's associated to dominance. The girls who say that they should do it probably think of it as kinky. I dunno, never experiencing swallowing semen, I wouldn't exactly know, but having tasted something similar, I'd say I'd not like it either XD Still, a friend once told me that it's an acquired taste, and I believe him. Afterall, he's WAY more experienced o.O And it DOES make sense. So maybe I might take a liking to actually swallowing, or not, I dunno. But you know, if you don't want to swallow, you can always firmly tell your partner no. We always have a choice. If I didn't like swallowing and my bf insists on it, I'd purposely spit it out for the sake of 'disobeying' him >:3 I think it is XD It sounds like wine or beer (the acquired taste). I'll firmly tell him no next time (though I think I won't be doing such things for a while).
Heather
Member # 3
posted 06-26-2011 05:30 PM
You also always have the option of communicating to a partner that you just don't like something, period, and don't want to be asked for it again. You can add that if you ever change your mind, you'll let them know.
orose37
Member # 69019
posted 06-26-2011 05:58 PM
quote: Originally posted by Heather: You also always have the option of communicating to a partner that you just don't like something, period, and don't want to be asked for it again. You can add that if you ever change your mind, you'll let them know. Thank you very much! I'm sorry for asking so many questions its just that I don't have anyone I can talk to about such issues.
Heather
Member # 3
posted 06-26-2011 06:00 PM
No need at all for apologies! We're glad to be here for you. (Also: if this is the guy you asked about before you really aren't feeling sexual desire for, period, but feel you just can't say no to, we should talk more about how to make clear you don't want to be sexual with him period, rather than you getting stuck in him having any sexual expectations of you or doing anything sexual you don't very much want to do.)
Roxannnee
Member # 69692
posted 06-27-2011 12:49 AM
I know what you mean, I hate the taste and the way it makes my stomach feel for the next day. It's pretty nasty, but I always do it anyway. It's about what you are comfortable with, though, and if you don't wanna swallow, don't do it! It's completely your choice.
orose37
Member # 69019
posted 06-27-2011 01:33 AM
quote: Originally posted by Heather: No need at all for apologies! We're glad to be here for you. (Also: if this is the guy you asked about before you really aren't feeling sexual desire for, period, but feel you just can't say no to, we should talk more about how to make clear you don't want to be sexual with him period, rather than you getting stuck in him having any sexual expectations of you or doing anything sexual you don't very much want to do.) I have desires its just...I for some reason only have them when Im alone in my room. I don't feel comfortable engaging in them with him. I'm not sure why I don't feel comfortable and why I feel no sexual attraction to him...I just don't.
Heather
Member # 3
posted 06-27-2011 07:08 AM
I meant sexual desires for/to be with him, specifically. Can I ask why you expect to feel sexual attraction for this person? I mean, we often won't have a why when we don't feel attraction or sexual desire, and it's not like it's something we're going to feel just because someone is nice.
patrickvienna
Member # 29269
posted 06-27-2011 09:16 AM
Just a little nag - I definitely want to reinforce that what anyone does is their own choice, and if someone doesn't want to swallow or doesn't like the taste of semen, they're absolutely entitled to the way they feel about that. There should never be any rules about swallowing or not, or any sexual activity, other than that everyone involved needs to be consenting and happy with what's happening. The idea of someone "insisting" that their partner swallow their semen grosses me out, big time, because that insistence isn't a respectful behavior in any way. However, I'm hearing a lot of language here which is sexually shaming. Scarleteen is a safe space for people of all genders, with different genitals and sexual fluids. When people are saying very strongly that semen "tastes HORRID" or that they "hate the taste," that's language which is likely to make our users who produce semen uncomfortable. A better way of phrasing this would be to say something subjective and non-emotive like "I don't like the taste." I know we're all learning here, and I imagine that when you were making these comments, orose and Roxanne, you didn't mean to cause offense, or not as much as I feel you did. But I want to be real with you: I read through all this yesterday, and the reason I waited until today to reply is that I had to cool down from how annoyed and upset I was to read parts of what's been written here. It's not okay to sexually shame any of our users in this way. Something to bear in mind, okay?
Heather
Member # 3
posted 06-27-2011 09:25 AM
Great reminder, patrickvienna. I want to also add that phrases like "that's nasty" about any part of people's bodies or sexualities are also statements we ask users to please keep to themselves. Thanks. It might also help with things like this to recognize that sometimes people feel that the only way they are really allowed to entitled to not do something sexually is if they have a very strong objection; if something is awful to them, or they can get others to agree that they think it's awful. The good news for everyone is that we all get to nix ANYTHING sexual, even if our feelings about not doing it are NOT super-strong, even if we don't mind something so much, or even like it sometimes, but just don't want to do it, even if we don't know why we don't want to do something (or don't know why a partner doesn't).
blush
Member # 69019
posted 06-28-2011 10:00 PM
quote: Originally posted by patrickvienna: Just a little nag - I definitely want to reinforce that what anyone does is their own choice, and if someone doesn't want to swallow or doesn't like the taste of semen, they're absolutely entitled to the way they feel about that. There should never be any rules about swallowing or not, or any sexual activity, other than that everyone involved needs to be consenting and happy with what's happening. The idea of someone "insisting" that their partner swallow their semen grosses me out, big time, because that insistence isn't a respectful behavior in any way. However, I'm hearing a lot of language here which is sexually shaming. Scarleteen is a safe space for people of all genders, with different genitals and sexual fluids. When people are saying very strongly that semen "tastes HORRID" or that they "hate the taste," that's language which is likely to make our users who produce semen uncomfortable. A better way of phrasing this would be to say something subjective and non-emotive like "I don't like the taste." I know we're all learning here, and I imagine that when you were making these comments, orose and Roxanne, you didn't mean to cause offense, or not as much as I feel you did. But I want to be real with you: I read through all this yesterday, and the reason I waited until today to reply is that I had to cool down from how annoyed and upset I was to read parts of what's been written here. It's not okay to sexually shame any of our users in this way. Something to bear in mind, okay? I am so so so sorry! I meant to mean it tasted bad to me . I completely understand that some women like the taste but I was curious why my boyfriend (and others around me) found this such a big issue. I didn't think before I wrote and looking back on it your completely correct when you say that some guys might become self conscious over this. I am so very sorry if this was the case. I am also sorry to have offended not only male users but you! I will be much more careful how I word my questions and any answers from now on!
patrickvienna
Member # 29269
posted 06-29-2011 08:36 AM
That's fine! Those words "to me" are the important ones.