T O P I C R E V I E W
Evan Smith
Member # 54451
posted 05-05-2011 06:11 PM
Okay, so Im 17 and a virgin, and Im friends with a girl whos 18 and had many many sexual partners. Usually she has sex with older guys or really experienced guys, but Ive got to know her and she says she really likes me and im sweet and will have sex with me if i want. Now the thing that worries me, is not that wont perform or anything, I worry that she will look down on me. She will look at me as some loser who cannot get laid except with her, she can get any guy she wants, I am a pathetic nerd who is lucky to have her.
Stephanie_1
Member # 36725
posted 05-05-2011 08:33 PM
You know, one thing to consider is when you're so uncomfortable with sex (or the idea of sex) with someone before it happens, it may not turn out to be the best experience. Remembering too though that everyone's different, and readiness happens for different people at different times. But it's really not best to compare ourselves to others in terms of who is better based on experiences.
Heather
Member # 3
posted 05-15-2011 05:30 PM
Also? If and when you suspect someone is offering to have sex with you out of pity or charity, you always have the option of taking the high road and not agreeing to do that. In other words, if you worry that you're in that situation, and someone will think less of you for taking them up on that, you can solve that easily by thinking more of yourself and them by nixing sex in that kind of context, and making clear that you're only interested in being sexual with people who very much want to be sexual with you, and out of a sexual desire to do so, not out of charity.
Evan Smith
Member # 54451
posted 05-16-2011 05:04 PM
i dont think its out of pity she doig it, i think she likes me. but i worry she may think im a bit of a loser
Heather
Member # 3
posted 05-16-2011 05:26 PM
If she thought that, do you think she'd feel sexual desire for you?
Evan Smith
Member # 54451
posted 05-16-2011 06:43 PM
i think the 2 can go together, i think she can fancy me and at the same time think im perculiar for being a virgin
Heather
Member # 3
posted 05-16-2011 06:47 PM
I don't know about you, but to me, someone thinking (if they do) someone is unusual doesn't automatically mean they think someone is a loser. As well, it may be that it's YOU who thinks that about you, not this person or someone else. Just because you feel that way about you doesn't mean someone else does.
Evan Smith
Member # 54451
posted 05-16-2011 06:57 PM
well i think she does think that. maybe loser was a strong word, but since sh and all her friends have had multiple sexual partners and have been having sex since they were much younger than i am now, i stands to reason she would find it strange i havent had sex yet and thre are very few reasons to explain why i havent, other than that i am a loser.
Heather
Member # 3
posted 05-16-2011 07:15 PM
You know, I don't think that stands to reason as automatically as you think. You have been saying a lot here about how *you* personally think having sex or not proves things about you to you and others, and about how it validates people. The thing is, not everyone thinks like that, and I'd say it's even more common for people who have been having sex NOT to think that way because quite a lot of them know from experience that having sex, all by itself, rarely does any of those things. Best bet? If you want to know what she thinks of you and your sexual history, she's the person to ask, rather than making assumptions which are probably mostly based on what you think, not what she does.
Britster
Member # 48970
posted 05-16-2011 09:02 PM
Considering all the threads you've been posting, I think it's more likely that you are the one who feels like a loser for being a virgin, not her. I think it would be healthier for you to face those feelings of worthlessness instead of seeking validation from other people. Having sex is not going to fix those problems.
nighteyesv
Member # 27731
posted 05-28-2011 08:12 PM
It sounds to me like she does honestly want to sleep with you out of desire and not pity. Just because you haven't had sex doesn't make you a loser nor is it likely to make her view you as strange. If you've done any browsing of the site you'll have seen there are plenty of people who were substantially older before there first time. Sex isn't meant as a way to validate yourself and make yourself feel cool it's a shared experience where two or more people give and recieve pleasure simply for the sake of giving and recieving pleasure. It's meant to be fun not some goal on a list to be crossed off after you've achieved it.