T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 45445
posted 01-02-2011 04:03 AM
I had sex last night for the first time and now there's some pain and discomfort when I was the washroom. Is this... okay? Normal?
It's really worrying me. I was really drunk and don't remember it happening. I don't know if we used protection or my reaction or anything. I didn't know the guy. I don't know if I should go to the walk in clinic or my doctor to get an exam and STI testing. There's weird bruises on my legs and arms. I don't know if I was actually awake and alert when it happened or if I wasn't. I feel really confused. Any help will be greatly appreciated.
Member # 35643
posted 01-02-2011 04:36 AM
WildRice, I'm so sorry you had that experience. Sometimes it can be uncomfortable to use the washroom after sex, especially if the person was not aroused, sex was rough or lube was not used. But it's more worrying that you can't remember what happened and that you have bruises. It is possible that you were assaulted or raped. It is also possible that you were given a date rape drug.
Do you have someone like a friend, family member or partner you can talk to about this? Someone who will support you and perhaps come to the doctor with you? It is important to be seen by your doctor or at the walk-in clinic as soon as possible. They will talk to you about what happened, examine any injuries you might have and test for STIs. They will also give you emergency contraception. This needs to be taken within 72 hours of sex to have maximum effect. If you haven't yet bathed and changed clothes since all this happened, I'd suggest postponing that until you are seen at the clinic. Sometimes, evidence such as hair samples can be collected from those. I know this is a lot to process, and again I'm sorry this happened to you. If you were really drunk, you would not have been able to consent to sex. What happened to you is not your fault. I'll also leave you the contact for RAINN, which has a 24/7 National Sexual Assault online hotline- http://apps.rainn.org/ohl-bridge/ They provide immediate crisis help from a trained volunteer using instant messaging. Alternatively, you can reach your local rape crisis center directly by calling the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE.
Member # 25425
posted 01-02-2011 04:39 AM
If you were so drunk that you blacked out and cannot remember what happened, then you were too drunk to give consent. This means that whoever you were with had sex with you without your consent: and that's not sex, it's sexual assault.
So, it's no wonder that you're feeling confused and worried, and it's okay to feel that way. If you have bruises and are in pain, I would recommend that you go to a clinic to be checked out, just in case. Feeling a little sore after sex isn't normally a big deal, but since you don't know what happened, it's better to be safe. Since you don't know whether protection was used, you'll also want to consider obtaining EC to decrease a possible pregnancy risk. I would also recommend that you schedule an appointment for a full STI screen. I know that's a lot to take care of and think about, and I know that it can seem pretty overwhelming. Do you have a close friend or relative that you can talk to about this, and who can maybe accompany you and support you through all this? And you are also more than welcome to talk to any feelings you may have around this right here. We'll be happy to help.
Member # 45445
posted 01-02-2011 11:38 PM
Thank you both very much. I was able to get EC but didn't know what clinic to go to. They all seem to be closed cause of the long weekend. I always thought I would know what to do if this happened to me but I just feel confused.
I feel really weird about calling it assault. I ended up talking with the guy for a bit. He said he didn't know I was that drunk. I feel like I brought it upon myself. But I also feel really humiliated and embarrassed about whatever I did or said. My body feels like I didn't want to go through with whatever happened. My hips or groin area are sore like I was tensing or holding them.
Member # 25425
posted 01-03-2011 12:59 AM
I'm glad to hear that you've been able to get EC. Since you ended up taking it to soon, there's a pretty good chance that it'll help preventing a pregnancy. So, that's one worry you can leave aside for now.
Most places should be back to their regular business hour today, so why don't you take another stab at getting a clinic appointment? You know, I don't think anyone really knows what to do when something like this happens. This is why we're here to help. So please don't feel bad about it, okay? If you were so drunk that you ended up blacking out, then it's extremely likely that you were visibly drunk when you were with this guy, and it's extremely unlikely that you were able to give clear consent. But regardless of whether or not he noticed (though he'd have to have been either very oblivious, or very drunk himself, not to), this still does fit the legal definition of rape: someone who is unconscious or heavily intoxicated is not able to give consent. Please do not feel embarrassed. You chose to get drunk, and that isn't always a good idea. But you did NOT ask this guy to take advantage of you. That's on him, and only on him. Have you been able to talk to a friend to get some support? If you haven't yet, I'd suggest you do that. There's no reason you should have to deal with this on your own.