T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 20094
posted 04-15-2009 08:38 PM
So. A couple of weeks ago, I was having a very long, rambling conversation with my partner, and the topic of sex came up (as it does fairly frequently in my household). Specifically, the topic of what sex
is, exactly. At one point, he mentions that in his mind, intercourse is "real" sex, and everything else, while enjoyable, doesn't really qualify. Um.....what? If that's the case, I guess we're a lot less sexually active than I thought. And it got me thinking. We get a lot of messages from a lot of different places about sex and what that is. I'm willing to bet that the first thing that pops into your head when you think of sex is different than the first thing that occurs to me. So what's your personal definition of sex? Are there certain activities that feel more like sex to you than others? Has that changed over time for you? Where do you think your ideas about what sex is came from? How do you think those ideas have influenced your sexual relationships, whether it be positively or negatively? (If you haven't already read it, our article touches on this a bit as well.) Yield for Pleasure [ 04-15-2009, 08:42 PM: Message edited by: Karybu ]
Member # 38998
posted 04-15-2009 09:11 PM
Most of my friends and I do consider intercourse to be "sex" and other activites (manual stimulation and oral sex) to not really be "sex" persay. For us this is simply a terminology issue more than anything else, not a way of saying other activites are somehow inferior or poor substitutes. It's just that "sex" is faster to say than "vaginal intercourse" and other activities have other fairly concise terms available.
For me, this hasn't had much of an impact on my relationships nor has it particularly changed over time. I think my notions and those of my friends primarily come from culture and how our peers use terms. The only possible negative impact is that I feel more drawn to vaginal intercourse than other activities while in relationships, because it's what most guys I know consider to be "sex." However, I think this is probably more due to it's what they prefer (judging from what they say and from their desire for it over other activities) than terminology.
Member # 43943
posted 09-01-2009 08:31 AM
For me, we kind of had an "argument" about what constitutes sex. Our first sexual activities together involved him touching my breasts and both of us feeling each other's genitals through clothing - for him that was heavy petting, not-quite mutual masturbation, but not sex. It wasn't until he actually fingered me with vaginal entry that he considered it sex, with the qualifier that it was manual sex. I'm not really sure about what my definitions are, but I would have classed all of those incidents as sex. And I know most of my peers would consider only vaginal (or maybe anal as well) penetration by a penis to be sex. I'm not sure whether there's a hierarchy associated with this, but it's interesting to see how even something like "sex" can be so loaded in a non-medical setting.
Member # 39705
posted 09-01-2009 12:12 PM
I think its sex if there's the word sex in the actual term. Oral sex, manual sex, anal sex, vaginal sex. Sex is sex, yo, and it annoys me so very much to see girls saying they're not sexually active, when they've had a penis in every hole in their body BUT their vagina.
I'll never forget a friend I had in high school. She said she couldn't get any STI's because she only had oral sex, and everyone KNOWS you only get those from vaginal sex, right? Back on topic, I think there are of course different 'levels' of sex, but in the end, it's all sex. Same risks, same basic behaviors, same basic body parts.
Member # 39222
posted 09-01-2009 04:49 PM
I have to say when I was younger and first becoming sexually active, I subscribed to the notion that I hadn't had 'sex' until something more substantial than fingers went into the vagina (considering I was dating another girl at the time, a penis wasn't likely going to fulfill the requirement). But as I've grown I've realized that I no longer understand why a penis (or perhaps toy) in a girl's vagina is suddenly sex and nothing else is.
I agree, if it's got 'sex' after the word, that's a good indication that sex has occurred/ is occuring (at least as far as I'm concerned). I'd also argue that when you're deliberately trying to get someone aroused (and they are wanting you to get them aroused) that you're in the ball park of sex. There are probably plenty of other examples than just this, but I would argue that certain role playing or more BDSM type activities that may not involve traditional sexual contact/release fall under the definition as well.
Member # 41699
posted 09-01-2009 05:19 PM
Funnily enough, despite some of our society's ideas about there being the hierarchy in sex, I don't really think of sex in terms of heirarchy. Oral sex and vaginal sex and manual sex and anal sex are all sex -- I mean, as others have said, they're even called SEX. It really is sex. I've never considered vaginal sex to be "the one true sex" or somehow more "real" than the others.
However, I only told my mother "we've started having sex" once we started having vaginal sex, but that was really just because the reason I told her was so I could have access to hormonal birth control. Which isn't really an issue for oral sex or manual sex (the way we were going about it), hence I didn't tell her when we started that. Actually, manual sex I do think of as the lesser of the sexes (ahaha, "lesser of the sexes", like the "battle" between men and women, haha.. okay no :c ) in terms of risks involved -- but not in terms of emotion and being "sex". In other words, it's a bit less risky than oral and particularly vaginal, so I treat it a bit more casually, but it's still SEX!