T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 40028
posted 08-27-2008 07:09 PM
I come to this forum in search of help. I have browsed the Scarleteen pages for some time now to educate myself on sexual matters. I also gave the link to my girlfriend who has been looking around too. I'll cut to the chase Tonight my girlfriend and I attempted to have sex for the first time. The trouble was that I could not seem to be able to penetrate her vagina at all, it was almost as if there wasn't an opening. I have researched Scarleteen of course, and one article suggested vaginismus was the cause of the tightness and difficulty in penetrating. But rather than jumping to that conclusion I thought I'd ask here, to find if there are any other reasons as to why this would be happening. Here are the details: She is a virgin, I am not She was very wet at the time I was using a condom, although it was not lubricated, it was pretty dry, and we weren't using lube The setting wasn't very comfortable for us both because her parents were in the next room, so she was a bit nervous She complained later of a slight burning/stinging sensation while I was trying to enter I can find her entrance with my finger and insert it into her vagina a little, but it doesn't get very far in at all, and again she complains of burning/stinging. My finger is always dry, but she is always very wet Thank you all for reading. And thank you in advance for your replies. Hope you are all well today
Member # 39785
posted 08-27-2008 08:02 PM
Welcome to Scarleteen! This could be because of a variety of factors. First, are you both up to date on your annual sexual health exams? It's important to get a full STI check-up. Perhaps it would be a good idea for both of you to go to get a check-up, just to be safe. Remember, just because you haven't had sexual intercourse before, doesn't mean that you don't have a chance of having an STI.
Since it is the first time for both of you, there may be nervousness and anxiety, which is prefectly normal, but this could be making the situation more difficult. One of the most important factors is that you are both comfortable and relaxed, which may allow for easier penetration. Also, even though the vagina secretes its own lubrication, you may need more. There are many brands out there, like KY Jelly, at nearby stores that supply condoms. Have you gotten a chance to read this article? It has information that could be useful for you and your girlfriend: From OW! to WOW! Demystifying Painful Intercourse [ 08-27-2008, 08:03 PM: Message edited by: Blue Koi ]
Member # 40028
posted 08-27-2008 08:14 PM
Hi Blue Koi
Thank you for your timely response Both of us have indeed read that article you linked to. Next time I think we will try spending more time on foreplay. I gauged her state of arousal by how wet she was. Are wetness and arousal equivalent? IE, does being wet ensure that she is fully aroused and her vagina is as loosened up as arousal will allow? Or is being wet just a precursor to being fully aroused? I'm not sure. I have some Durex lubricant which I will be using next time, hopefully we will have more success! And I forgot to mention, I am 20 and the lady in question is 18. Thank you for your post!
Member # 17924
posted 08-28-2008 01:38 PM
Wetness is certainly a sign or arousal, however, when it comes to truly comfortable intercourse, your partner's nerves and anxieties are probably going to play a bigger part. If she's relaxed, her vaginal muscles will follow suit, and she won't be contracting them subconciously/in preparation for what she thinks will be painful when you attempt penetration.
So, next time, find a safer environment that isn't the next room over from her parents, where all those outside distractions can be shut out. And too? Before attempting ANY sort of penetrative activity like intercourse, it's a really, really good idea to try something like manual sex ("fingering") beforehand. Unlike men, women take some time, and often need more stimulation, to become fully aroused and make sex comfortable. Jumping right into it without any sort of warm-up is pretty isn't going to make for comfortable and enjoyable sex. If a finger isn't comfortable for her, than there's no way a penis is going to be. [ 08-28-2008, 01:39 PM: Message edited by: JamsessionVT ]