T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 24611
posted 02-03-2008 06:03 PM
I know that everyone's body responds differently to sexual arrousal, so there's certainly no "right" amount of time to take to climax. That said, my obsessive self has been wondering lately if I take longer than normal to orgasm, and whether that might affect partnered-sex activities negatively. My ex-boyfriend, who had slept with other girls, told me during the deed that "you take really long to climax"--which I'm sure didn't help matters. But really he didn't have much knowledge of female anatomy or sexual response--I taught him about the clitoris, and was the first to explain to him the negatives of faking orgasms. Obviously, the source was pretty ignorant. And I believe he felt that he needed to prove himself as a lover by getting me to orgasm, so he made the whole process about himself and got frustrated. That said, I have noticed that it takes a while for me to orgasm, sometimes 20 minutes, sometimes an hour. But I almost always need to use a vibrator. I'm on antidepressants, so I'm always aware that they might make me longer to climax. Anyway, I guess my question is: is this normal? And when I have other sexual partners, will this get in the way? I guess I'd just need to find an understanding lover who didn't feel threatened by lack of rapid-fire orgasms! Thanks, Juniata
Member # 3
posted 02-03-2008 06:13 PM
Sounds very normal to me, especially given the antidepressants. But it taking women around 20 minutes who are NOT on antidepressants is totally normal.
Let's also face it: a LOT of women fake it with male partners, so men are often not in the best position to determine what's normal for women and orgasm based on previous, or even current, partners. And if your partner didn't know where anyone's clitoris was before this, it's pretty likely his previous partner were not reaching orgasm often, if at all. [ 02-03-2008, 06:23 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]
Member # 24611
posted 02-03-2008 06:37 PM
Thanks! I'm glad to hear that.
I like to think that I was his first honest partner In any case, I gave him lots of food for thought. He hadn't even used a condom before I met him. And about faking orgasms: I never did, but I could certainly understand how women would feel pressured to do so. Especially when their partners want them to orgasm for the wrong reasons.
Member # 24611
posted 02-03-2008 06:46 PM
Eh, I didn't mean to sound sanctimonious there.
Member # 28076
posted 02-04-2008 02:04 AM
Another girl who can take a good while to orgasm partly due to medication weighing in here.
The fact that I seem to take a while to come (and certainly can't from intercourse alone) used to bother me (and still does, on occasion), but I've discovered that there are several things that make me feel a lot better about my sexual response. Part of what's helped me is realizing that I don't have to have an orgasm- sex hasn't "failed" if I- or my partner- don't have one, or many, or take our time, or come quickly. Of course, with this mindset, it helps if one has a partner who either shares it right off the bat or is at least willing to consider or understand it. In fact, sometimes, when the focus isn't on an end goal, sex can be a lot more creative, fun, and less stressful for both me and my partner than when we're worrying about our orgasms. That's not to say that I totally don't care if I have an orgasm during sex or not ever- of course I do. But getting past the mindset of good sex always means fast and multiple orgasms has really helped take a good deal of stress out of and put more fun into sex.
Member # 28780
posted 02-04-2008 09:20 AM
Ugh... This sounds like what's going on with my boyfriend right now. Whenever we do anything sexual he always says he'll go until he "MAKES me orgasm." And when I don't, which is almost never, I feel like i'm letting him down, which is a pretty unhealthy way to think. Like Coastal Nicole was saying, when do you don't think about orgasms as an end goal sex is a lot less stressful and more fun. I don't think you should feel guilty at all for taking your time with climaxing. Just communicate with your partner (and it sounds like you already are) about what feels good for you.
[ 02-04-2008, 09:22 AM: Message edited by: fallchild ]
Member # 24611
posted 02-08-2008 05:22 PM
Yeah, he's actually my ex, though not for that reason. And that was actually the only time we participated in sex, so I didn't get a chance to communicate my concerns with him (which is kinda sad.) But all of this info is very useful, and at least now I know that this is something to clarify with future partners--that orgasms don't indicate failure or success, and that sex should just be fun! Thank you