T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 31901
posted 05-10-2007 04:32 PM
I avoid becoming pregnant because I don't feel finantially ready yet, because children are expensive. I want a child, but just not yet. I want to have a good job first. If I was rich I would go ahead an have a child.
So what is everyone else's reason? I thought this would be an interesting topic.
Member # 25983
posted 05-10-2007 04:47 PM
I agree; this is a neat topic!
I avoid pregnancy because I need to better myself to provide a good example for my child. I want him/her to have a strong mother who was able to overcome hurdles, has a good job, and can provide for everything they need without question. I want to provide my child(ren) everything I was denied, and help them to become the independent thinkers that will face the world's problems. I want them to have a stable family, a stable life, a good education. I want to have the skills necessary to help them grow up right, as well as the skills to take care of myself. Even if I have to wait decades before that's possible, it's worth it if I'm prepared. Whether this is idealism rather than what will happen, I don't know, but I'm doing everything I can (two methods!) to make sure I don't screw it up. Planned Parenthood has an EXCELLENT page on parenting and every aspect of it; with your permission, Amanda, could I link to it and open up the guidelines contained there for further discussion? It goes into needs people sometimes don't think about, and I know for certain many people can't provide. Being a Parent
Member # 29769
posted 05-10-2007 05:57 PM
I avoid pregnancy because i don't feel children are for me, i dont have that maternal instinct, and am completely unable to connect with children.
Not to mention i feel at this age i am most definetly not ready to settle down, i dont see my current partner as being the person i would want to spend the rest of my life and share something like children with him, as much as we have alot of fun. Not to sound so incredibly selfish, but it wouldnt fit in with the current life i have planned, and my lifestyle right now. I havent ruled completely out the possibility of having children, but that will be at least 10 years away, although i dont ever see myself really needing to have a child myself, i'd prefer to adopt. Financially, i have no qualifications, so i couldn't support a child, and i wouldn't like to have to rely completely on my parents for support, although i feel they would be supportive if i did decide to have a child at this age. They are just a few of the reasons for me. As much for my sake as any childs i would really like to avoid becoming pregnant for a long time yet, and i use 2 methods of contraception.
Member # 31901
posted 05-10-2007 06:09 PM
Thanks for the link Miss Lauren. I'm glad you posted it.
Member # 568
posted 05-10-2007 11:45 PM
Meh, I'm selfish. I have no time or space for a kid. I'm a renter and as it is, I barely have time to take care of my pet fish. I'm vain and I'm looking out for #1. I dread what effects pregnancy would have on my body. I work this hard to stay fit, so I don't want it getting stretched out because of a pregnancy. I want to be able to enjoy a glass of wine with dinner. And eat sushi and feta cheese. you can't do those things if you're pregnant.
Being a parent means you are not your own biggest priority. I'm not ready for that kind of sacrifice.
Member # 25425
posted 05-11-2007 01:45 AM
Ditto what Gumdrop said. The thought of spending 18+ years having full responsibility for someone that's not me is not a pleasant one. I like to do things my way (within reason), and having to take other people into consideration is annoying.
An equally important reason for me for avoiding pregnancy is that I'm chronically ill and a pregnancy, even an accidental one ending in abortion, would seriously put my health at risk.
Member # 32631
posted 05-11-2007 01:53 AM
I avoid pregnancy for the simple fact that I'm young. I'm barely sixteen, and there's no WAY I'm responsible enough for a child. I don't really have sex very often, and when I do, we make sure we're as safe as possible.
It's that I can barely take care of myself, go to bed on time, wake up on time, get to school on time, do my homework, or eat regularly at times. If I can't do that, it would be impossible for me to make sure someone else who is totally dependant on me can do those things. Besides me being young, I also want to wait to have children until I have a steady job, am financially secure, and have a stable home life. I want to make sure I have a husband who loves me and is willing to do all that's possible to provide for our child. I DO eventually want kids though. I want a lot.
Member # 33665
posted 05-11-2007 04:46 AM
Well, I second (er, third) what Gumdrop said. I have a great body (yeah, I'll brag about it, so what?) and I want it to stay that way as long as possible. My mom was skinnier than me up until her 4th kid, so I have some pretty good genes. If I were to have kids, I'd have to be 30 and up because otherwise I'd be too young in my view. I want to enjoy life as much as possible and a kid would ruin that. (It'd be really hard to travel the world with a screaming infant.) Oh yeah, and I've been to a Walmart before and seen all the screaming toddlers (*shudders*). Also, I've had some friends drop out of high school and get pregnant or drop out because they were pregnant. Most of them are with complete jerks and/or living in dumps. Not where I picture myself. Although, I do know a couple of girls that go to the same college as me and they have kids, so there are some strong girls that still push on. Oh, and I don't want to have to wipe someone else's butt, or worry about my kids getting raped, or getting drunk or using drugs or dying from an overdose. OK! So I'd also be a really insane mom that would worry about her kids so much that they would barely be allowed to go outside!
Those are my reasons. I have tons more, but that's a start.
Member # 27966
posted 05-11-2007 01:09 PM
I actually really love kids- I taught Sunday school, was a nanny, and still volunteer occasionally with kids' camps and stuff. For me, it's because it's simply not time yet. I'd like to travel, like orca, without having to tote around a screaming kid. I'd like to have my career more established and be more secure financially before having kids, though, because I wouldn't want to have one unless I was able to give it the best opportunities I could.
Member # 30315
posted 05-11-2007 03:28 PM
I avoid pregnancy because I'm definitely too young - just a freshman in college! - and I've put my education and career first in my life. I have very strong plans for what I want to do, and having a kid at this point would flip everything topsy-turvy. I'm not ready for that. Also, September put it really well; I seriously do not want to have to have complete responsibility for another human being for the next 18 years. Too many things I want to get done for myself!
I'm not sure if I even want kids in the future. I don't have a very strong maternal instinct. But we'll cross that bridge when we come to it - I might change my mind! For now, though, absolutely not.
Member # 29292
posted 05-11-2007 05:49 PM
I avoid pregnancy cause it's something I am not ready for at all and I'm not even sure I want kids to begin with.
I also have to invest lots of time in med school right now and I like doing some ''volunteering'' in my free time and have some other time for myself, that I think I just wouldn't have time to take care of children on top of that. And, I have so much ''growing'' still to do as a person. Also, I want to be in a stable relationship before I have kids, if I happen to want to have some, and I just haven't found one yet right now. It's not that I don't like kids, I do love them. I've been babysitting for about 8 years now (although I've now stopped) and I've worked with kids a lot in summer jobs and all, but I just am not ready to handle a pregnancy now and all that comes with it, nor am I sure that's really something I'm interested in. [ 05-11-2007, 05:54 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]
Member # 3
posted 05-11-2007 07:04 PM
Just in case a different perspective may be of use or interest, at this point, one of the primary reasons I avoid becoming pregnant is that at 37, I honestly feel I'm simply too old to be pregnant and give birth, and since I don't want to do those things, I don't want to become pregnant.
I'm well aware that other women don't feel that way about pregnancy and age, and also well aware that women my age DO have healthy pregnancies, but I also know it's a lot easier in many respects for younger women than it is for women my age: easier to become pregnant, remain pregnant, have easier pregnancies, give birth more easily, and have more energy for little kids. And for me, my body didn't care that much for the experience of being pregnant even for a little while when I was younger, so I can't imagine it'd be better now. (Per body IMAGE? No issues there: LIFE stretches out your body, and of all the women I know, unless you're talking about the body shortly after pregnancy, I have yet to see a healthy pregnancy "ruin" a woman's body or do "damage" any greater than the damage years of daily livin' causes.) Ultimately, too, the older I get the more I come to the conclusion that for a myriad of reasons (ecological, cultural, social, practical), I'd rather foster, adopt, or simply help friends with their existing kids. There are a LOT of kids in the world already, I've loved plenty of them to death, and I know that for me, I don't need a biological bond to have an emotional one and overall, I think I'd just feel better about adopting/fostering than about making more. But even now, at my age, at this time in my life, I'm not there yet, either. I work myself to the bone and still don't have time or money for all the things I want to do, feel I need to do, and parenting requires carving out a TON of time and patience, of really making room for a whole other life in your life besides yours, and I don't feel able or willing to do that right now: I may not ever, and if so, that's totally okay with me. Nice topic, Amanda!
Member # 13245
posted 05-12-2007 04:10 PM
I'm with Heather on the adopting/fostering VS having my own. In my opinion, there are too many people in crappy situations. I wonder if anyone has figured out what the cost is to raise a kid from conception to 18? I'd take that money (if I had it..) and put it to good use helping others. I don't like kids, don't want my own kids, and don't really want anyone else's kids either. My boyfriend of 3 years said once that he never imagined himself NOT having kids, but didn't really want kids either. Me, I havn't wanted kids since I was six, and I hope for the sake of the earth that that never changes. I'm not fond of my uterus either, though, and would gladly be rid of it as well.
Member # 27855
posted 05-15-2007 06:43 PM
Well, besides the obvious (age 16), I avoid pregnancy because I want to make sure my child grows up in a secure environment. I want to be mother someday, but I want a steady career and finances first. A spacious home, tight savings account, lots of time, etc. I don't want to be scrounging for money when my kid needs me. Also, not that children need two parents, I would like the father to be there, for my security mostly. So definitely a stable guy as well.
Member # 23917
posted 05-16-2007 12:43 AM
My maternal instincts are certainly not lacking. :) I love children. Adore them with all my heart, in fact. I think there's something so amazing about seeing this little being and knowing they're the future of the world. I absolutely want to do my part to help all children be ready for that future. However, I don't know that I'd be fully equipped for parenthood. I'm a touch on the neurotic side, and there are certain things that I need in my life so that I can function well. For instance, I become highly stressed and irritable when I can't have a good hour or so of alone time every day. My mind is overstimulated pretty easily, and while I can deal with social interaction and stressful situations just fine for a while, I absolutely need off time, and rather a lot of it, to be able to cope. Because of this, I don't think I'd handle parenthood very well.
It does make my heart hurt a little bit to think that I may never raise a child, and at some point in my life I would like very much to adopt. But I know that it would be incredibly selfish of me to bring a child into my life unless I was completely emotionally ready. And I have a ways to go before I achieve that emotional readiness. I'd need to be in a steady financial situation, and in a job that didn't take up too much of my time, so that I could have the down time that I need. And there are other nessacary intellectual/emotional factors as well. But a lot of this isn't really relevant to my life right now, because it doesn't even fit into my goals and dreams to have a child (whether by pregnancy or adoption) for another good fifteen years. In the meantime, it absolutely fits into said goals and dreams to have a career in education. Like nearly anyone else, as a kid I had a billion different dream careers, but somehow it always came back to teaching. So it looks to me like that's where I'm headed, though there's still loads of time for that to change. I'm not sure exactly what I'd like to teach (maybe English, maybe music, maybe sex ed, maybe kindergarten, maybe a combination of all of the above or something else altogether), but whatever the subject, I think teaching and caring for other people's children goes a long way towards fulfilling my maternal longing. :)
Member # 29525
posted 05-20-2007 12:45 AM
I think my reason may be laughed at by some, but here goes...
I'm actually afraid to. I'm 18 and regardless of the fact that I'm too young, I'm not financially ready, I'm a virgin, and I want to persue a career instead my main reason for not having a child is that I'd be paranoid! I feel smuthered by my mom sometimes whenever she uses a 'no sleeping overnight' rule or a 'that doesnt look good, you're going to the see doctor' order. Those kinds of things really bother me because I see them as nothing, but I know that if it were MY kid I'd probably be terrified that it was going to suffocate the first time it had a stuffy nose. Or the first time the kid was late walking home from school I'd assume it was abducted. Or I'd be such a controlling mother...my kid would never get to go to parties or do half the things I do for fun. I'd be so scared that something would happen to my child.
Member # 22137
posted 05-20-2007 12:43 PM
i avoid pregnancy because i'm simply not ready, financially or emotionally i suppose. i love kids, i love looking after kids and i definitely want three or four of my own. people say i'm already a mother without kids, but even when i looked after my ex's cousins kids i was a chronic worrier about them, and i know that if theyre my own i'd be insane.
i also get seriously ill with depression, and i'm leaving home hopefully in four months for uni, as is my partner so its just not right for us. i think i need to get myself in a good financial and emotional place first, before we contemplate throwing babies into the equation.
Member # 33665
posted 05-29-2007 12:04 AM
I have a new one to add to this.
My cousin, his wife, and their 1 year old are visiting right now. All day I've been running around making sure the kid doesn't get hurt or in trouble. About 2 hours into it, I felt sick to my stomach and was breathing pretty hard (anxiety disorder stuff). I'm not even the mother of this kid and I'm going crazy trying to keep an eye on it! So, I avoid pregnancy/kids because I don't want to go to an early grave from watching over them, or end up a nervous wreck that barely leaves the house or lets her kids leave the house.
Member # 19692
posted 05-29-2007 12:12 PM
I avoid pregnancy because I'm just not ready. I have no job, no money, my healthcare isn't THAT great, and I'm getting married within the next two years. I can honestly wait that long or longer to have kids.
I'm not as healthy as I'd like to be. I'm not permanently living with my fiance yet. I haven't even fully announced to my family that we're planning to get married. Hints have been dropped, so when I DO tell them, it's not going to be some huge bombshell to everyone. I have such a hard time relating to children, most likely because I was an only child and grew up surrounded by adults telling me I'm too old for this and that. (My mother had the audacity to insist I'm too old to watch cartoons, when my own father is known to watch the Smurfs on a regular basis!) Cliff is actually in the process of undoing that, and I'm kind of enjoying it. I still feel silly watching kids' movies sometimes, but I'm getting over it.
Member # 34070
posted 06-01-2007 09:11 PM
first of all, im 15 and a highschool freshman. i love kids so much, and i really wouldnt mind raising one, but im not ready. trust me, when i have a good man, steady income, and place of my own, im having at least 3
Member # 11352
posted 06-01-2007 09:42 PM
I avoid pregnancy because we do not have our house yet, and not yet financially stable. Even we're now married and have been for a year now, we're waiting a little bit longer (not too much longer though... the house will come within a few months). I adore kids, and love seeing friends and family who have them and spend time with those little ones as much I can for as long I can remember. There is one particular time that I felt I had baby magic was back in 2003, when my cousin Jill had little Emily-Anne and I held her in my amrs for hours and she fell asleep not too long after she came into my arms. She was so amazing, so well-behaved and peaceful. Of course, I've come to several little ones who aren't as great as Emily-Anne and I understand the reality of that not all kids can be as well-behaved. I'm prepared for that. My body has a growing want feeling to experience pregnancy but I'm the one that's pulling all the stops for the time being while being still sexually active on birth control with my husband.