T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 31768
posted 12-08-2006 05:37 PM
i feel like such a freak!! when having sex with my boyfriend i really cant feel no pleasure, its really frustrating because it makes him feel useless.
am i the only one who has been through this?? i really dont want to go through life not feeling anything during sex!! plz help...
Member # 3
posted 12-08-2006 05:44 PM
By sex, what do you mean? Just intercourse or all sexual activities?
Member # 31422
posted 12-08-2006 09:37 PM
There are a few explanations to your issue. This is not an exhaustive list, but may get you pointed in the right direction. So, let's begin. First, if sexual activity is new to you, or your boyfriend is a new partner, it may be a matter of nerves. If you aren't relaxed, and are tense about having sex, then the enjoyment may not get off the ground. Maybe you're worried about impressing him, or worried that you won't feel any pleasure. Nothing is a bigger wet blanket to sexual enjoyment than worry and tension. Thus, this leads me to the next suggestion: Talking and being open with your partner. Open lines of communication with your partner can do wonders for your sexual enjoyment. If you are both on the same page about sexual desires and responses, then you will be better able to relax and enjoy the experience. However, if you are going to talk to your partner about sex, you will have to have some topics to talk about...which leads me to the next thought... Have you explored your own sexual responses through masturbation? Solo sex is a great place to start if you want the most enjoyment out of partnered sex. Discovering what feels good to you will open up doors for you and your partner. Remember, your partner didn't get an instruction manual on you and your sexual hot spots. You have to talk about it, or if you two are comfortable with it; show your partner what you like. In any event, this can make partnered sex more enjoyable. Finally, remember that sex is about more than your genitals. Sure, the clitoris, labia, mons, and the walls of the vagina are pleasurable areas, but there are other erogenous zones on your body that can increase sexual pleasure. For example, the nape of the neck, the ear lobes, behind the knee, the breasts, and a host of other pleasurable parts around your body. Oh, and let's not forget the mind. If you truly surrender yourself to sexual enjoyment, your mind can be the best "sex organ" you'll ever meet. Now, I have said a lot in a short period of time. Take from this post what you find to be helpful. You are travelling down a road that many men and women have travelled before. You will find what works for you. Just keep an open mind and open lines of communication: the rest always has a way of falling into place. Good Luck!
Member # 30348
posted 01-06-2007 12:50 PM
Actually, believe it or not, I posted something almost identical to your own question. I too don't seem to feel the same physical pleasure my boyfriend does during sexual intercourse.
The response I got from one of the Scarleteen members was basically that there's nothing wrong with us. Actually, if you polled every woman on this planet, a great number of them would respond that they don't exactly get a 100% WOW experience from sex. I agree with SmileyGuy1974. If you and your guy are new to all this it could be nerves or just simply you're inexperienced. Personally, I feel you and your man should figure out what works best for you two and go from there. If you get a better response from oral sex, then make time for you to get that optimum level of pleasure. If he cares for you, I'm sure he won't mind to spend a little more time and effort for you. This is the response that I got from a Scarleteen member on my question. Hopefully, it'll help you. ******* Nope, you're not doing anything wrong. Some women do find that a shift in position provides them with enough clitoral stimulation during intercourse, but some women find that's not enough. Different bodies work differently! So direct stimulation from your fingers (or his) may be more effective (and it may take a bit of shifting around for that to work out). Or you may find that trying to combine intercourse and other stimulation at the same time just doesn't work for you. Honestly, despite what your grandmother says, not feeling ecstatic during intercourse isn't going to harm your relationships. It simply means you need to shift your expectations, so that maybe you can have intercourse just for the "warm sensation" and emotional satisfaction, but look to other sexual activities to provide you with the most physical pleasure. You don't always have to get exactly the same amount of pleasure from the same activity at the same time. It's okay to mix activities which are more pleasurable for him and ones which are more pleasurable for you (and hopefully both of you can enjoy the emotional connection and the pleasure of your partner even when it's not doing so much for you directly).
Member # 31858
posted 01-09-2007 11:26 PM
I've had this problem, and changing positions can help. I find when I'm top is better. You are in control and I believe you ave more clitoral stimulation.
Member # 32223
posted 01-14-2007 04:43 AM
Edited - Not cool, bud. If you've got something useful, or in this case appropriate, to say, go right ahead, but save the sarcasm and attitude, mkay? [ 01-14-2007, 09:50 AM: Message edited by: JamsessionVT ]
Member # 25425
posted 01-14-2007 06:04 AM
Breasthelp - That response was unnecessary and uncalled for. Penis size has very very little to do with how pleasurable vaginal sex is for a woman. In the future, please refrain from posting derogatory remarks such as that one.
Member # 32460
posted 01-28-2007 07:31 AM
hey..i dont get pleasure while having sexual intecourse..sometime all i feel is pain. like his hitting something inside of me that makes me scream in pain sometimes. but normally i just dont feel much or anything, yes i can be nervous but im over the nervousnes now. i just dunt know whats going on
...i love my boyfriend and he feels he cant pleasure anymore but he can but when it comes to intecourse i get nothing and then the pain sinks in. it maybe becuase iv been really stressed and ill latly i dont know ?? i cant see why i cant stay focused durnign sex either..my mind wanders and i get upset. when i dunt feeling anything even when i feel pain..i still carry on cause i want to make my boyfriend happy and give him pleasure instead of making him feel useless i guess..but he stops me and just cuddles me to sleep....i get really upset about this. i dunt know what it is thats wrong with me.the first few times i felt alot..but now..9 moths down the line ..we've only had sex 3 times..the others were experimenting like we all do ....but now im getting worried ..should i see a doctor?? sould i stop the sex for a long while and wait for a very loveign and wait for the "moment" the get more feeling ??..thing is is it suposed to hurt?? in curtain postisions it really uhrts..its a very powerfull stinging pain ..is that normal ???
Member # 17924
posted 01-28-2007 10:19 AM
You know, the vast majority of women don't get a lot of pleasure from intercourse alone. The vaginal canal has vew nerve endings. So there is nothing abnormal about you.
Honestly, though, if you are in PAIN during intercourse, why are you still doing it? Pain is your body's way of telling you something is wrong. Have you seen a GYN since you started having sex? If not, you should, and mention these things to them. [ 01-28-2007, 10:20 AM: Message edited by: JamsessionVT ]
Member # 32585
posted 02-06-2007 02:40 AM
hey, iv been having sex for 5 months now and ive come to really dislike it because i just have absolute no pleasure what so ever. its so frustrating and its slightly affecting my relationship with my boyfriend. But when we do have sex i feel so comfortable and i cant realy try other position coz it feels really uncomfortable like he is poking somewhere he should. can anyone help me or do i really need medical help
Member # 17924
posted 02-06-2007 04:56 PM
Did you read the previous posts? If not, take a look back. *Most* women aren't going to get a ton of pleasure from just intercourse. There needs to be some other stimulation there.
So, next time you and your partner are thinking about having sex, try having him (or you yourself) stimulation other areas on your body. If certain positions are uncomfortable, stick with the ones that aren't.