T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 26390
posted 12-04-2005 02:41 AM
Hello...long one, bear with me. I'm 16, I have been with my boyfriend for a year and 7 months. We love each other deeply, as friends as well as lovers. We have recently had many disscusions about making love...we don't really even consider ourselves to be virgins anymore, seeing as we've done other sexual acts, but no penetration for now. Today we bought our first package of condoms. I read the "checklist" on this site and I have it pretty much all checked off. HOWEVER, I have some questions: 1) I don't have lube. Is it necessary?
2)I'm curious about giving oral sex, though the idea isn't particularly thrilling to me. Basically, because I've heard many women don't enjoy it. My boyfriend is uncomfortable with this because he says he's worried I'll hate it. But I want to make him feel good in this way! Is there any way to calm him down about this? I'm worried that he'll be so preoccupied about eyaculating in my mouth that he won't enjoy the moment. 3)I had never masturbated before my boyfriend first fingered me. Now that I know "how it's done", to say so that way, I've begun to do it more often. But the past couple of times my boyfriend has fingered me, it even hurts! He was touching me where it was uncomfortable, but even when I pointed that out to him, I still don't feel aroused. Is it because he's touching me differently than I masturbate, or because I'm already tense because he hurt me? I also feel that I'm a lot less wet when he reaches down to touch me. Do we need to spend more time kissing before this, or is it because I'm getting used to only being touched in a certain way? Sometimes I feel that he's touching me to strongly, but he says he's barely using the force from the tip of his finger. This didn't happen before! :S I think that if I was simply too sensitive it would have always been like this. Thanks a million for your time
Member # 139
posted 12-04-2005 01:11 PM
Bravo for reading our checklist. It's really quite helpful.
1) As per lubrication? You can never have enough. It helps ensure that the condom won't break by reducting friction. Lube is available at many grocery stores, and isn't that expensive. I use KY Liquid that I got at Albertson's, and I admit the sexual activity has been loads better since that purchase. Your natural lubrication, as well as synthetic, can get a bit dry after a while, and extra lube makes sure that there's plenty from start to finish.
2) Oral sex, like all acitivies, is subjective to the person giving and recieving. If it's not thrilling to you, then you don't have to do it. It's completely up to you. Of course, there's no harm in trying, as long as you protect yourself and your parter by using a condom. You can also buy flavored lubes for oral sex only, that might help if taste is an issue for you. Using the condoms also prevents the issue of ejaculating in your mouth.
3) It's possible he was directly stimulating the clitoris. It's highly sensitive. I know mine does NOT like direct touch, because it's too intense to the point of pain. You can never have too much foreplay, either. That's part of the fun! You can touch yourself in many different ways, and have only a few of them actually feel good. Experiment alone and with your partner, and find a happy medium that is pleasurable.
Member # 26390
posted 12-04-2005 03:20 PM
. One more question; you said that we needed to protect ourselves by using a condom during oral sex, but is it necessary if we have never had another partner before, and have no STDs? And yes, now that you say it, I think you're right; he was stimulating my clitoris directly, which was actually pretty painful. I looked at the part of the site about getting to know your body, but I don't have a mirror near my computer,so it was a bit hard to figure some things out. Possibly, since I don't like direct stimulation to the clitoris I'll preffer the g spot...but it'd help if I found it at all :S. Can anyone clarify?
Member # 1679
posted 12-04-2005 03:41 PM
Time for my favorite example: So let's say your grandma has oral herpes. And let's say that she is developing a sore, but she gives you a nice, grandmotherly kiss. Ta-da, you've got herpes! Now let's say that you preform unprotected oral sex on your partner...ta-da, they've got herpes too!
The point is that there are things that you can pick up through non-sexual contact. So you're really safest if you use condoms and get tested regularly.
Further, if your partner is worried about where any ejaculate is going to end up, utilizing a condom can help with that as well. Really, it's just a good idea.
Further, just because you don't like direct clitoral stimulation, that does not mean that the g-spot is going to work like magic for you. It may just mean that you need less intense clitoral stimulation. Maybe you need something between you and the stimulation or that stimulation of the area directly above the clitoris to help decrease the intensity.
Sarah Liz Scarleteen Sexpert