T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 20094
posted 12-14-2004 11:38 AM
Okay, so here's the deal. I have never had an orgasm. Ever. From anything. Even masturbation (I just don't bother doing it, because it doesn't feel like much of anything). I get fairly aroused when I'm having any kind of sex with my boyfriend, but I've never gotten even close to having an orgasm. And I'm starting to get just the slightest bit annoyed, because while I realize that orgasm isn't the be-all and end-all of sex, I'd kinda like to know what one feels like, just once, whether it's on my own or with a partner. So I guess my question is, is it a physical problem? Psychological? And what can I do about it?
Member # 8067
posted 12-14-2004 12:39 PM
quote: Even masturbation (I just don't bother doing it, because it doesn't feel like much of anything).
Well, it certainly isn't going to feel like much of anything if you don't ever do it, hm?
Seriously, masturbation is usually the best way to explore what works best for you, so I'd think twice before abandoning it altogether.
Don't turn it into a chore (one of the surest ways to make any activity no fun at all). But if and when you feel aroused and your boyfriend's not around, consider exploring.
Don't expect orgasms right away - it can take a long while for you to get to know your body, and for your body to figure out how to "ride" pleasurable feelings into an orgasm (it's like riding a bike - it takes practice
And of course monitoring yourself all the time and
trying to orgasm makes it pretty much impossible to do so.
It's like going to sleep. If you're lying there with your eyes shut thinking "Am I feeling sleepy? Did I start to fall asleep just then? What if I never fall asleep? My life will be ruined! I
have to make myself fall asleep right now!" - it isn't going to happen (and I speak as a lifelong insomniac).
Sleep happens by itself, when you've provided the right conditions but then allowed your mind to drift onto something else and relaxed enough to let go. Same with orgasms.
Member # 20094
posted 12-14-2004 04:21 PM
quote: But if and when you feel aroused and your boyfriend's not around, consider exploring.
Ok, obviously I'm not explaining myself very well. I have done that (since way before I had a boyfriend or was sexually active in any way), and just sort of stopped after I realized that really, what was the point? It feels alright, I guess, but nothing special. And it's just in the last few months that this whole issue has started to bother me, so even if trying too hard to have an orgasm is part of the problem, I'm not sure it's the whole problem.
Member # 3
posted 12-15-2004 10:32 AM
What's "fairly aroused"?
I ask, because the biggest problem here may be that at this point in your life/development/relationship, sex just isn't something you're all that interested in or excited by.
And if that's the case -- if you're not getting REALLY aroused -- not only is orgasm unlikely to happen, being sexually active with a partner right now may be a bad idea.
Certainly, it's something you can ask your OB/GYN or general doctor about: some medications, hormonal and other physical conditions can impact libido and arousal. But if you get a clean bill of health in that regard, the best answer may simply be to wait for sex until it IS more compelling to you.
Remember that while orgasm is a Very Nice Thing, if sex without it isn't JUST as satisfying, during the whole process, if orgasm makes or breaks it, it's generally a cue to step back and try and look at what's going on, what you want and don't want, what you're really interested in now.