T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 20545
posted 10-26-2004 02:36 AM
ok, im not sure if this is where im suppose to post this.... its my first time using this so.. sorry if its not lol.... ok while ive been goin out with my boyfriend for almost a month and everythin had been goin great, on the weekend we had some drinks.. ok fine we both got kinda drunk lol...and ended up sleepin together for the first time.. i wanted to make him wait longer but it seemed like a good idea at the time... nothing has changed in our relationship, its actually seems better.. but i keep telling myself i should have made him wait...i just cant help thinkin that i made a mistake....what do you think?
Member # 19894
posted 10-26-2004 07:20 AM
I think you should know that the only thinking that matters is your thinking on this matter.
No one can tell you how to feel about something like this. There are those that might tell you how you should feel, but they cannot be trusted to set your moral compass. In the long run you are the only person that can do that.
The person that will be best to talk to about this is the one you shared the moment with.
You should explore your ambivalence with youself to start, and talk about that with your partner later.
Member # 17855
posted 10-26-2004 04:22 PM
Not only the fact that you have already did this and you can't change back the hands of time, you have to deal with the decison you made. Hopeing you used protection to keep you safe from STD/STI and pregnacy.
Even with all this on the mind, you need to make up your mind if you want to continue to have sexual encounters with this partner or if you would feel better off waiting. Once you have decieded that one way or another you need to let you partner know as well. Because if you get drunk again, he may think it's o.k with you if you haven't told him other wise. Hopefully if he is a good guy he will understand your wishes and not make you do something you don't want to do yet when your under the infulence.
Hope that helps you some.
Member # 20554
posted 10-26-2004 04:50 PM
The reason you feel like you made a mistake is not because you should have made him wait a little longer, it is because you should have made him wait until he promised to be yours forever. Respect yourself. Please, be a lady. Ladies do not sleep with men who have not commited to them for life. They demand respect and they get respect. If you start acting like a lady, you will attract gentlemen! Men who look you in the eyes and never at your breasts, men who hold the doors for you and treat you like a princess. Have any of the guys you have been with treated you like a princess? Have they made sure you were happy and comfortable at every moment? These men protect you and lay down their lives for you. They love you and listen to you and they are willing to die for you and to protect your purity. They do not steal your purity by using you for physical pleasure. BE A LADY and you will be a happy and fulfilled woman. Trust me. It works. My knight in shinning armor can make me tremble from head to foot by just gently touching his lips to mine. He doesn't touch any part of my body that belongs to my husband because we are not married yet. Thank God for gentleman! Hold out for yours!!
Member # 18568
posted 10-26-2004 05:22 PM
Frankly, the idea that any part of my body belongs "to my husband" is grossly offensive to me. It would be grossly offensive even if I was straight. There is no part of my body that does not belong to me, and I will never transfer "ownership" of any of it whether or not I decide to enter into a monagamous relationship with anyone. That sort of rhetoric is not empowering, it is damaging to young women. How can we ever take charge of our lives if we think that even our bodies are not entirely our own?
Amanda, as per your question (since it is your thread) I agree with the others that there is nothing "morally" wrong with what you've done. You need ot examine your feelings to decide if intercourse is something you want to hold off on or not in the future. Oh, and use protection!
[This message has been edited by spinnersis (edited 10-26-2004).]
[This message has been edited by spinnersis (edited 10-26-2004).]
Member # 8776
posted 10-26-2004 05:35 PM
Spinner: right on.
Amanda: I agree with everyone else that there's really no "should" in these matters--if you feel comfortable with your decisions, then go for it. (However, we really can't condone using alcohol here, especially for underage users. So I'd say skip that part, but otherwise, do as you see fit.)
Member # 20491
posted 10-26-2004 07:07 PM
Just wanted to say, what a small world. Im from East Prov, RI.
Anyways Amanda, everyone makes mistakes, so dont sweat it. Just make sure you use protection, cuz you want to stay safe and try to reduce the risk of pregnancy as much as you can!
Member # 15639
posted 10-26-2004 08:39 PM
i can't let this stand. I should, but Rosie Cotton 's comments were to far off there for me to leave it alone. My apologies for the thread hijack.
I'm male. And very, very straight. I treat the women I date with the respect *due an equal*, and not as a princess. These women are my friends, my partners, and my allies. To put them on a pedestal would not only dehuminize them, but also make our relationship a less equal one.
When I am dating a woman, no part of her "belongs" to me, or to some ficticious future husband. She is her own person, and that is basically a prerequisite for me dating a woman. Thsi idea that some part of her anatomy would belong to someone she hasn't met, or, perhaps worse, someone who just happens to fulfill a legal obligation.
Women are not princesses anymore than I am. Women are individuals with there own desires, and *all* individuals own there own bodies. To believe otherwise is to believe in slavery.
Member # 20613
posted 10-31-2004 04:59 PM
As long as you have not lost any self respect for yourself and he has not lost any respect for you for having sex so early, and if things seem better then things should be fine.
Member # 20801
posted 11-12-2004 01:28 PM
Rosie i think you are right on. I have made similar choices to you and i am very happy. If you respect yourself, so will everyone else. Its not that your GIVING your body to him...you are simply letting him have it. He's earned your trust, now he holds your heart.
Member # 3
posted 11-12-2004 01:39 PM
...and plenty of us (most people throughout history and across cultures, really) have made different choices, and are ALSO happy, whether we're gay, stright ot otherwise, whether's we're 16 or 50. And in the same vein, people have made similar choices to both you or to me, for instance, and have NOT been happy or satisfied.
Like most things, happiness or unhappiness can and does come with any number of different choices, and both can occur in any number of situations. Would that there WERE one easy, unilateral asnwer for everyone! Life would sure be simpler.
Moreover, Tiffany, per another post of yours, you're sexually active in plenty of ways.
(FYI? When at Scarleteen, please don't assume everyone here or on the planet is heterosexual, because that just ain't the case.)
[This message has been edited by Miz Scarlet (edited 11-12-2004).]