T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 568
posted 01-14-2003 01:45 AM
First Time Memoir If I Knew Now What I Knew Then... (losing your virginity, going back) http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum2/HTML/000731.html
Once upon a time, we had a thread where we discussed our first significant sexual experiences. The thread blew up and died a while ago. The new and thoroughly thought-provoking
First Time Memoir inspired me to start a new thread. That, and the other thread I started no longer really had a source to refer back to.
So, let's discuss our first time. Please do not be graphic (if it sounds "raunchy" you might do better to leave it out) and stay within ST Board Guidelines. Definitely include things like what your thought about your experiences and how you felt at the time (i.e., say smart and interesting things).
Okay, I'll start. I was 19 when I first had sexual intercourse (coitus). I was a sophomore in university and 5 weeks into a new relationship (he and I are still together). He had one previous sexual partner and was putting some pressure on me to have sex. Granted, I would have rather done without the pressure, I figured I was mature enough to handle anything should anything go wrong. I had decent health care and resources available to me through the university (Student Health Services knows darn well that college kids like to get laid). And if I happened to get pregnant, I had enough skills to get a decent job somewhere to support myself and a baby if need be.
One night, I missed a message from a friend inviting me to catch Guided by Voices and Matthew Sweet. Instead, my boyfriend came home with me and well, one thing led to another. I told him to get a condom off my desk (I used to keep them on my computer). But before we started, I had some second thoughts.
quote: "Wait! Do you love me?" I asked. "Of course I love you. I love everything about you," he replied. With that, it happened. It hurt just a little bit; I didn't bleed (very much anyway). It had been a good six months since he last had sex, so he was nervous and out of practice. The act took about 10 minutes, and I didn't climax. Instead, I lay there awake while cuddled me. I remember thinking, quote: "Wow. that was it. I had sex."
The experience was positive overall. Granted, I didn't feel like there were fireworks or bells ringing, and I still felt like myself -- nothing changed about me. Sucks for all the hype, though. I mean, I waited 19 years (that's one and half years over the US average for women) to give up my virginity and it was over in less time than an episode of Seinfeld. It was pretty good though. I felt very much in love. I made good choices for myself (maybe not the best, but good). And of course, it could have been worse. I could have picked the wrong person. I could have been played for a sucker. He could have bailed on me the next morning and taken change out of my laundry money jar for cab fare. None of those things happened, and he's stayed with me ever since.
------------------ According to the experts, I am some species of badass.
[This message has been edited by Gumdrop Girl (edited 01-14-2003).]
Member # 11352
posted 01-14-2003 12:10 PM
My first sexual experience... hmm.. great thread
It happened when i was still 17 on March 23, 2001. I had been dating Mark, who was my boyfriend at the time. We had been together for like a month when this happened. I saw my virginity as an emotional thing. So, in this case, i didn't lose it for Mark, or for anyone else in this matter. I lost it because i knew that i was ready emotionally, not just physically to cope with being sexually active, and with the consequences that comes with few moments of passion. I want to mention that Mark was also a virgin himself. I remember Mark telling me if i was a fan of protection, and i was. We used condoms. We did break up just days after we had sex. But i am proud to announce that i have no regrets of being active, or losing my virginity to Mark. The decision was for me and mine alone. Since then, i've had sex with 2 other guys (a good friend of mine, and my current boyfriend). It will be 2 yrs this year that i've been active. I will mention that my first time wasn't all fireworks either, but it was an interesting experience go through. Sex now with my current boyfriend of a yr and half is much more on a deeper emotional level or in other words making love because we're in love with eachother for being ourselves. I'm still learning new things when it comes to doing it, and it's a nice bonus to my relationship with my current boyfriend
Member # 5439
posted 01-14-2003 01:19 PM
Well my first time was about a yr ago.
It was 7 months into our relationship. He didnt pressure me at all. I wanted to do it and so did he, but we were a lil nervous. It was both of our first times, so we did not have a clue.
I wanted to do it, but was scared, so he told me "if you want to do it, you wont stop me if you dont feel comfortable you will stop me".
Needless to say I didnt stop him. Everything went right. It was perfect. He was shaking cuz he was so scared, but it was deff a time to remember.
Member # 10430
posted 01-15-2003 02:00 PM
I hope more people respond to this, cause its a great topic.
I wish I had waited a little been longer and hadn't rushed into being sexual (oral, manual), cause i had started only about 5 months into a relationship and looking back it was too soon. And I was 'bluntly' pressured into that, which i regret giving into. However! I didnt have sex until almost a year into the same relationship, and i had absolutely NO regrets. I was well informed, (I had found this site, it helped sooo much, THANKS GUYS!!!), I had thought about having sex for months and decided it was what i wanted, he didnt pressure me at all, in fact originally he didnt expect me to ever have sex (intercourse) with him, I had initially said that I wouldnt until marriage and he was ok with that. I was already on the pill and planned to use condoms. We had talked about how sex would affect our relationship and what would happen if there were consequences. So everything was well thought out, and I am happy with my choice. We were both each other's firsts. Our first time was really emotional and intimate, but still very painful for me. At one point he looked at my face which was kinda in this cringe, and i was biting my lip, he pulled himself out, and said: "I don't think i can do this to you." Anyways, I told him i would be fine, and i was, he didnt stop. I didnt climax, but he did. From then on, the sex has only been up hill, better and better every time. I am very happy with everything, and wouldn't have done a single thing different when it came to my first time.
Love is natural, and everything that goes with it. ;)
Member # 785
posted 01-16-2003 04:47 PM
My first time was at age 15. My boyfriend and I had been together 11 wonderful months. We had been discussing sex for a long time; my boyfriend asked me many times if I was sure about it, which I greatly appreciated and it made me love him even more. I got on birth control first and foremost to protect myself, and we bought condoms.
It happened on Dec 29, 2001 at my home. The first try we couldn't quite get things to "fit together" since neither of us had done this before. The second time we got everything right. It only hurt a bit, and I didn't bleed, but it didn't feel so great, mostly because we had no idea what we were doing technique-wise. But I must say it was the most wonderful experience of my life, because I was in love, I was ready, and I had a great person to experience it with. We're still together now, our three-year anniversary is on Feb 11.
Member # 8263
posted 01-16-2003 08:26 PM
Well my first time when I was 14. I had been d ating my boyfriend for about 4 months. It was wonderful my boyfriend made it so special with the candles, music, straw berries, choclates and other romantic things.
Your virginity is a special thing to me and I think that every girl she should make sure that it is special.
But I have been having sex for a year and I'm still with the same guy.
As a matter a fact we are engaged!
But that day I lost my virginity was special and now I love sex.
Member # 568
posted 05-31-2006 11:09 PM
i think we should give this a bump. and if anyone jacks this thread, i'll be swift to delete stuff. so be nice...
Member # 29303
posted 06-09-2006 10:07 PM
I am 22 now, I didn't have sex until I was 18. The first time was with a girl (I am a guy.) We did it on a School's Track at around midnight. It sucked, it was horrible and it was with a
not so nice girl, yes I did regret it with her. (Hey Trinijoy, while I understand that your first intercourse was lousy, it's not necessary to insult the other person. There are better ways to go about it. Thanks) [ 06-10-2006, 08:46 AM: Message edited by: JamsessionVT ]
Member # 29459
posted 06-19-2006 02:32 PM
Its good to hear most of your experiences were pleasent. I wish I could say the same about my first time. I lost my virginity when I was 15. I was with my boyfriend (at the time) for about 6 months. His parents were away on vacation and we raided the liquor cabinet. Then one thing led to another and we wound up having sex. Then exactly one week after, I catch him with someone else. Needless to say, I was heartbroken. A word of advice for anyone whos reading this: liquor and a empty house with your boyfriend do not mix!
Member # 29475
posted 06-20-2006 09:21 AM
im 16 and still a virgin and looking for guidince from only yall people here! should i wait to later in my life to lose my virginty. i know i am emotionally ready? i going to wait for the right person no mater what but what im askin is when i find that person should i wait till im older or should i have that experince when were both ready?
Member # 27855
posted 06-20-2006 11:37 AM
It's really up to you, redman. Some people are more comfortable waiting until later in life, some people just do it when it feels right. For me, I spent months of thinking about it. I was worried about the emotional consequences, b/c I was molested and raised Catholic, but yesterday we had everything we needed and it just felt right. I don't feel any different emotionally, no breakdown and no guilt. My boyfriend of 14 months and I are both 15. To some that seems young, but it felt right and it was a good experience b/c we both love eachother and knew how to be safe.
Member # 29475
posted 06-20-2006 12:20 PM
thanks im like you my relgion goes agianst and i dont want to do it and ya know feel all guilty. im gonna think bout it seriously to makes sure 100% that i wouldnt feel guilty.im not wrong on that am i?
Member # 29212
posted 06-20-2006 01:58 PM
I had just turned 17 a week prior to my first actual intercourse...it was six months into my first relationship, and it was the first time either of us had had sex. We'd done a little fingering and exploring beforehand, but no actual penetration...I don't remember the event, I think we went out to dinner, but afterwards we parked on this old abandoned road near my house and tried to do it in his car--which was kind of small, and cramped, and dark, and neither of us knew exactly what we were doing! It was over pretty fast--he climaxed, I didn't--and it didn't hurt or bleed at all for me (in fact, when we were done, he even asked me, "You're REALLY a virgin?").
I don't regret what I did with him; we were together for about three long years, although the last two were bumpy and we should have broken up long before we actually did (and it wasn't on a sour note)...but I learned a lot about myself by being with him, and I'm glad.
Member # 26300
posted 06-20-2006 02:25 PM
Hmmmm Love this thread, by the way.
For me, it was on April 3rd, 2005. I had been with my boyfriend for ten months. I was about 20 days shy of being 18, and he was 17. We of course had experimented with other things before, from groping to oral sex, etc. We were in my basement the night before, (where we normally would hang out and watch movies, things like that) and we were mostly nude just cuddling, kissing, and having "dry sex" (Well, as much as dry sex can be without clothes on, lol) So we were really physically involved at that point, his penis actually in between my vaginal lips but still no penetration whatsoever. (FYI I had been on the birth control pill for 6 months at this point) Anyway, so we were doing that when we got to talking: we began discussing if we classified what we were doing as sex or not, and what the word virginity truly means. (Of course, we have always discussed things such as this in the past, including pretty much every question that could pop into our heads like "what if it hurts" to "what if we make gross fart-like noises when we do it" lol... so talking about this wasn't a new thing) However it was different because we knew we were closer to sex than ever before. So we talked into the night for I think 5 hours or something like that, then he went to his house. The next night after work he came over again and around 10:00 we were just very lovey-dovey and fooling around the same way we were the night before. And then after about 20 minutes I suppose we just looked into each other's eyes, smiled, nodded, and proceded to have our first intercourse with each other. We only made love for a few minutes, simply because of the shock and settling in of it all. So after a few minutes we stopped and he finished via masterbation which of course I enjoyed. And then when that was over with we cuddled the rest of the night, (obviously) and just talked about what happened and asked each other questions about it like how it felt for the other, etc. And he eventually went home and we talked on the phone till the morning which was nice. It wasn't his first time as he had lost his virginity at 15 to another girl, (which proved to be very problematic for our relationship) but I believe that "losing your virginity" at least for us means giving yourself fully to another person you love and want to be with forever when you know that both you two as a couple and you yourself are fully ready/prepared emotionally, physically, spiritually and all that hooplah, so, I think that it was a first time for the both of us. So basically from then on we've had a fairly active sex life, (obviously still happily together at this point) not just having full on intercourse all the time, but including a variation of things such as simply fingering/groping or oral sex, etc. Just a note though, I think what personally made our first experience so enjoyable was awesome communication. Like I said before, we had discussed everything sexual with each other, as well as we just normally have amazing communication with one another. Which of course most definitely helps, so you can really know each other inside out and be able to recognize what the other wants, needs, likes, doesnt like, etc., but also just being able to talk about ANYTHING in the world is also simply wonderful. So that's my story. (My long, rambling story, but oh well!) Thanks for letting me share it! Strawberry
Member # 29515
posted 06-23-2006 03:06 AM
My first time was bittersweet. I had just turned 15, and was away at Jew camp. An extremely liberal Jew camp, I may add. I had been going to that summer camp for 4 years already and knew everyone pretty well.
That was the year of sexual awakening (among other things) for all of us, however, and one after another we began to pair up and "go off into the woods". Not wanting to be left out of the fun, I told my boy that I was ready to take it to that level. Mostly it was just because I was overwhelmingly curious, and it seemed like a good idea. Anyway, we were both virgins, and the sex was good and didn't hurt at all for either of us. So we did it some more. The camp was really good about supplying all the kinds of protection one could possible want (seriously- condoms, dental dams, rubber gloves, even lube), but the last time we did it, right before camp ended, the condom broke. The bitter part of the experience is that, during the time I was at camp, my family moved four hours south- putting me five hours away from my boyfriend. So, not only was I dealing with the stress of living in a new place and going to a new school, but I kept experiencing incredible pain whenever I peed and my stomach hurt all the time. Never having had a very comprehensive sex ed course, I didn't realize that it was a urinary tract infection- I thought I was pregnant. So I told my parents, because all my friends lived four hours away, and I didn't want to scare my boyfriend if it turned out it wasn't true. They freaked, threatened to sue the camp, and swore that I would never go back or talk to the boy again. And thus, I have alot of emotional baggage that accompanies my first time, but none of it actually had to do with the sex. Now that I'm 17, my parents are a lot less uptight about my sex life. I even talk about it with them from time to time, if I need advice. [ 06-23-2006, 12:03 PM: Message edited by: redstar76 ]
Member # 22137
posted 06-23-2006 08:30 AM
My first time was with my current bloke a year ago, 16th feb 2005 (and i know i'll always remember that date).
We were both a little scared as we had never had sex before and were only experienced in 'other stuff'. Basically it was better than i'd been told it would be. I didn't bleed at all and it didn't even hurt! I actually felt quite cheated that i'd have that experience taken from me but still fairly grateful that we could just get on with it. I didn't climax but it's true that it gets better! I had no doubts over whether he loved me or not. We'd already been together a year and a half and we'd decided to wait till we were both sixteen so that at least we weren't breaking the law. My parents still don't know but his family know and they seem ok with it. They've never actively told us off just told us to be careful.
Member # 29511
posted 06-23-2006 05:37 PM
I'm a 17 year old virgin in a serious long term relationship with my girlfriend who will be 16 next month. We have done (almost) everything that can be done sexually without penetration, and we have been talking about sex for probably well over a year now. We decided to wait until the end of this summer, as we'll be apart for a few months now, and we want to make sure that we can stay in love through that as a sort of final test before we go through with losing our virginity together (she's a virgin too; in fact neither of us have done anything with anyone else with the exception of kissing).
We actually once had a pretty intense argument over why we didn't want to have sex yet: I felt that no matter how mature she was (and she was mature) she was 14, and the societal implications of losing your virginity at that young an age might lead to stigmas or stereotypes that would be better to avoid. She was insulted by this, and I have to say convinced me totally that numbers have very little to do with when sex should happen. The individuals and the relationship between them are the variables that matter the most. Despite the fact that it hasn't actually happened yet, I already feel like all the communication has made it a lot less stressful than it would have been otherwise, and I would give everyone in my place the advice to be as open as possible with your partner in terms of what you want and why and when and which. A few of the previous posters to this thread have written about the power of communication like this in making the first time a really positive experience, and I only hope that the same will be true for me. I was just looking back at the beginning of this thread, and noticed that it asked for stories of our first "significant sexual experiences" and I'd just like to say that while I am a virgin, I have certainly had many fantastic, romantic, exciting, passionate, loving, and very significant sexual experiences. I think it was unintentional that this thread has somehow equated significant sexual experiences with only sexual intercourse, but if anyone gets that idea, I just want to say that in my opinion it doesn't have to be intercourse to be significant and sexual. [ 06-23-2006, 05:47 PM: Message edited by: kluekozyte ]
Member # 21757
posted 06-25-2006 06:04 PM
It wasn't too long ago when me and my current boyfriend lost our virginities to each other.
It was just last year in July, shortly after our graduation (he was 18, I was still 17). We had been making out, tried oral and manual sex for the 8 months we were together. We had also dicussed in depth when to have sex (which I asked Scarleteen for advice!). Despite having sex before (a quickie, unfortunately, fully clothed), we still considered ourselves virgins because we still never made love to each other. I was on the pill but we still used a condom our first time. It was a perfect day. Warm, sunny, and we had his house to ourselves for a full 6 hours. Slowly, taking our time for once, we made love for the first time. I remember actually crying towards the end and afterwards. It was such a wonderful sensation and we cuddled for a long time after with the sun shining in his window (yes this is actually true ). We made love three more times that day. From then on our sex life took off and I've never will regret anything I did (or will do) with him.
Member # 29041
posted 06-28-2006 12:49 AM
I lost my virginity on June 25, 2005 just three weeks before I was to turn 17. I'm still with the man whom I lost my virginity to. I think what made my first time special was the fact that my boyfriend and I had only been dating for a day. I had been in a two year long relationship a year earlier and had done NOTHING with the boy. I knew the man I was with now was different. They say when you're in love, you "just know". And I knew. We didn't wait to express our love physically to eachother. I don't think I gave in too soon, I'd do it all over again if I could.
Member # 17973
posted 06-28-2006 12:12 PM
Unfortunatly, my first time was an experience I would like to forgot. I lost my virginity on Oct 15 2004 to a stranger. I was 18 years old. I struggled with self-esteem issues since forever and during my first year in college, I did very dumb and risky things because I didn't love myself or respect myself. The first day I got to college, I met a guy. We talked every once in a blue moon for mere seconds only. Then three months later on , I ran into him again and he said he wanted to hang out with me. We went to his apartment and we had sex. It was the most disgusting moment in my life. After we finished, he gave a tissue to clean myself with and then he drove me back to my dorm. We rode back in silence. I stayed in my bed the whole weekend and cried my eyes out. I felt dirty and used. I wish that I could take it back..but I can't....I didn't even know his last name....
[ 06-28-2006, 12:18 PM: Message edited by: nina_brown04 ]
Member # 30057
posted 07-29-2006 08:34 AM
I've been a long time reader but never got around to registering until today.
I'm responding because I lost my virginity just a few hours ago, and none of these posts are really resonating with me. The thing about me is that I was very shy around the opposite sex for most of my life but once I became confident enough to start dating and all that, I realized I had barely any qualms about my sexuality. I was always able to communicate what I was game for, etc, but the main thing is that I've never really felt ashamed as long as I've known that both my partner and myself know what's going on. The guy I was with last night is a guy I've known for a little while, and we're kind of dating, and we'd fooled around before. We were fooling around in the car and he mentioned he had a condom if I felt like going further. I told him that I was a virgin and he asked if I was up for it - he's very considerate and I wasn't worried about offending him or anything like that. I was thinking it over and realized for the first time I didn't feel there was anything holding me back. He got me really aroused and I was relaxed. It did hurt briefly but it was kind of like slamming your hand in a door - it hurts like hell for a few seconds and then you forget about it. I mentioned that it was hurting, so we took a break. All in all it lasted about an hour and a half. I had a good time. He had a good time. I don't know any kinder, less offensive way to say that I'm not a very "uptight" person - maybe "not conservative" or something? He asked me, I thought it over, said yes, and so we had sex. I don't feel regret or shame and I doubt I will later either. I could have been more emotionally attached, and it was and wasn't how I expected my first time to happen, but it was altogether a pleasurable experience. I guess I was just moved to respond to this thread because while I'm happy most of your first experiences happened within a long term relationship, mine didn't and I'm really okay with it. I was with a nice guy, I wasn't nervous, he took his time and I had a good time.
Member # 24638
posted 07-29-2006 11:38 AM
Well, my first time was December 3 2005. Now i don't know how many guys remember there date that it happened but i sure as heck do. I had been wih her for about 2 months but we had been friends since i moved to Texas about 3 years ago She was the first person i met in texas because she was running in my yard. lol Anyway both our parents were home, all i knew was that i had my moms Xterra and condoms a friend had given me. The thing was though i didn't plan on having sex and neither did she, we went and parked out in front of a lake and layed the seats down so we could lay and look at the stars. We did this kinda romantic stuff because anytime we tried to cuddle together or something our parents would always break us up and say we were too close lol. Anyway we got "arroused" and started doing what we normally did (loads of foreplay until we both orgasm) this time it was different though. I was so scared when we started as i was a virgin and she wasn't. I didn't know what to expect except what i had heard on scarleteen lol and to top it all off i was shaking. I was a pretty sorry excuse for a man there for a second but then she touched the back of my neck and said "it's ok" Thats when it went from having sex to making love. I'm still with her today August 8th will be 11 months.
Member # 29918
posted 07-30-2006 04:00 PM
I hope some people can find my story a bit useful. I think my first time is becoming a more rare occurance ^^ but it was when both my boyfriend and I were 22 years old.
Both of us were virgins...the major factor that played in this was how we were both raised (his family is very conservative and christian and mine is stern asian traditionalist). While growing up, both of us were told time and time again that sex before marriage was a wrong (and extremely bad) thing. My boyfriend and I knew each other for a long time but when we started going out we fell in love and after much reflection, both of us decided to lose our virginities to each other. Granted, we've been doing other things involving foreplay but we never had vaginal intercourse. Neither one of us was pressured by the other, we made sure that our decision was mutual. I'm one of those many MANY people that say if you're going to lose your virginity to someone, definitely choose a partner you can trust and that can be patient. I have many girlfriends that told me horror stories about their first time and how painful it was for them (yikes). My boyfriend's size is larger than most so that made things a bit difficult for us. It hurt when only the tip was in even when I was properly lubricated and in the mood. The process of losing my virginity took literally a week. Each time he went in a little deeper and deeper until I got accustomed to his size. He was very loving and patient and I'm forever grateful for him for that. And when he was in all the way (*a heavenly chorus sings*), it didn't hurt at all. My OBGYN suggested the reason why I didn't feel my hymen tear was because we did it so gradually that I stretched it out enough so I didn't feel the "cherry popping" pain. But anyway, it was a wonderful and romantic experience for both of us. I'm really glad I was able to experience it with him, rather than losing it in the past to my ex-boyfriends who pressured me to "put out". Hooray for non-sleezy men! ^^
Member # 23133
posted 07-31-2006 08:33 PM
I was seventeen when my current *and still* boyfriend and I lost our virginities together. It was rather bittersweet, but maybe it was because it occured on April Fool's Day.
He made me feel quite specail the day it occured. We had planned the occasion for about a month. My family was out at a business meeting, leaving me alone in the house for 3 days. He took his time, didn't want me to get hurt and was ever so careful throughout the night. Unfortunately, the next day a (former) "best friend" told him that I loved another man. He told me it had all been April Fool's Joke and we stopped talking. Fortunately, we had so much in common- friends, intersts, classes, work, etc- that we eventually began to try to rebuild our friendship. Oncunraveling the lies told to us, we were inseperable. We've been together ever since,about 10 months now, and everytime with him is just as special as the frist. (and he feels the same way!) :-)
Member # 39124
posted 07-09-2008 02:49 AM
Why did this thread die? Oh, how I love this site! I just did the big "p in v" a few hours ago and would really like to thank everyone at scarleteen for all the wonderful articles and advice that made it all possible! I was told to be underwhelmed, but really, like I said to him afterward, I feel quite "whelmed". It was just such a wonderful, wonderful experience, definitely because of the communication. Thank you so much, I could just cry thinking about the great service you're doing so many people and how revolutionary your site and forum really are.
Zen Chocolate Milk
Member # 38401
posted 07-09-2008 11:26 PM
Um, mine was just a few weeks ago. June 27th.
It was nice, sort of quick and sneaky though, because we were at my boyfriend's house and his parents were upstairs asleep. It was sort of spontaneous, because he's been really hesitant about sex. I've been asking for about 3 months (we've been together for about 9 now.) The circumstances just lined up, I suppose, because when I asked him he said sure. We tried it out for a few minutes, with a condom, and then we finished the ways we already know really well. It didn't hurt at all, I really enjoyed myself, actually. But my boyfriend is a little bit small, so the condom didn't fit him very well, and it was thick, and he didn't have as much fun. We were both were expecting something different. We weren't disappopinted, but we were both sort of like... oh? I was thinking about it the next day, and I realized I wasn't a virgin, and I was overwhelmingly unimpressed. I think walking through a doorway is more impactful for me. Things were pretty good for a while, until I started getting serious about protection. I went and got on birth control, and I went to the store and my boyfriend and I bought smaller condoms together. It all made him uncomfortable, and then he started to freak out about what people would think about him not being a virgin anymore. And all that sort of culminated in him awkwardly telling me he didn't like it, but when we talked it was clear that he really was just having insecurities. It kind of sucked, I cried for a day straight, because my boyfriend didn't really explain very well what was bothering him, and I thought it was me. We reconciled since then, and he told me he's glad we did it, he just wants a little more time before we sleep together again. So my first experience was bittersweet.
Member # 37353
posted 07-10-2008 02:07 AM
This is really corny: Valentines day this year!
My boyfriend and I had been dating close to about a year and a half at that point, and we'd been planning it for a while (getting condoms, me being on birth control for 3-4 months already). We'd been sexually active prior to that day, so I wasn't TOO nervous... Unfortunately, I had a panic attack right when we were getting the condoms out. I guess it must have been triggered because I had a bottled up fear of sex because of a past emotionally/sexually abusive relationship (3 years prior, and another story for another time). But it seriously went uphill from there. My boyfriend (and bestest friend in the world) hugged me tight and told me that we didn't have to do it, and that while yeah, he wanted sex, it wouldn't kill him if we didn't. So we didn't... for an hour or so. XD I started to feel a lot better because he was so supportive, and I suddenly felt that the situation was like diving off a cliff into water. You're terrified up to the event, but once you jump, it feels great! (Of course, you should always have protective gear ) I can definitely say that it DID feel great. We laughed a lot and that made it better. It felt amazing to know that I didn't have to be all serious about it. Hell, we didn't really know what we were doing! I think also what made it so fun was that it was more about experimenting (seriously, we decided we had to try EVERY position) than trying to create what the movies show us. We high-fived afterwards, and then laughed at how silly we are. Then I jumped around naked, because I was seriously on some kind of adrenaline/orgasm high. It was fantastic. We're still together now, and are still best friends. I think that's maybe what made it such a good experience: We're best friends. We know each other so well, and aren't afraid to voice any concerns/opinions/what have you. I definitely don't regret anything and know that I never will. OH! I would like to add, that if I could change anything about that day-... I wish we would have had some lube!
Member # 39304
posted 07-14-2008 12:36 AM
for me it was the fourth of july, 2008. so yeah...just recently. i'm 17 about to be 18 and he's 18 about to be 19 (our birthdays are right next to each other). but his parents were out of town and he was having a bonfire. I ended up staying the night at his house (unbeknownst to my parents >_>). but after everyone left we went to his room and started fooling around like we have before. and then he mentioned to me that he bought some condoms and said it was entirely up to me and he wouldn't love me any more or less whatever I say. so he let me mull it over for about 20 mins. I wanted to but I was thinking about whether it was a good time of the month for me. I knew I was going to start my period the next day. so I agreed to it.
it wasn't the most physically pleasent feeling in the world. some pain was involved but i've had cramps that hurt worse xP. he wasn't able to get that far before he climaxed. he pulled out a few times because he was afraid of hurting me. then we fell asleep. next morning we tried again and he got further. but after that I felt so emotionally close to him. we both gave our virginities to each other <3 and now I feel closer to him then anyone ^_^
Member # 37680
posted 07-14-2008 01:10 AM
I'm 17. My first time was with my boyfriend who I have been going out with on and off for three years. It wasn't planned out, we were just fooling around and then I asked him if he wanted to have sex. Of course, the answer was yes. We did, it hurt like hell and afterwards I cried. But not because it hurt or because I regretted it but just because of the overwhelming emotions I had after losing my virginity. All-in-all, it was a great experience and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.
Member # 35465
posted 07-15-2008 10:59 PM
My first time was with a guy I had been dating for about three months. I felt very comfortable with him and we had engaged in other oral acts, too. Well, it just so happened that it wasn't that great. He kept putting me in all these wierd positions because 'it looked like [I wasn't] enjoying' myself.' It was also a turn off that he took so long to find a condom and I wasn't as aroused as I was when we were foreplaying.
I don't regret it or anything, it just wasn't like I expected.
Member # 39052
posted 07-17-2008 06:41 PM
I like telling this story
We'd been dating a year and three months, and we had the whole thing planned out - we had a half-day of school and one of his friends had an empty house. We got in through the garage, all secret-agent style, and went to the guest room. It was the first time for both of us (he was 17, I was 18), so we took it really slow, and it was very, very nice. There was sun streaming through the windows and everything was quiet and dusty and warm. Afterwards, we cracked up together, because we weren't sure what to expect, and I just felt so amazingly light -- I jumped around naked, too, Bun Bun! Then we went to the beach and ran around, and then to the movies with his friends, who treated us like absolute GODS. It was awesome. I seriously could not have asked for a more positive experience, or a more amazing boy -- we're still together!
Member # 46452
posted 04-01-2010 03:20 AM
o man!!ugh...if only i had known my current boyfriend when i lost my virginity. =[...well when i first lost my virginity with my x...i thought he was going to stay with me and we were going to be happy. he would say cute things to me and always be there for me BEFORE i lost it to him, but when the day came(after a 1 month of dating)when i was going to lose it i felt nervous. he m,ade me feel like the day was going to be beautiful and magical. dont get me wrong, it was, but a week later he cheated on me! i felt crushed!!i hated him and felt terrible cuz of what he did. i thought i was never going to b with another guy again, but luckily i did<3...and we have been together since SEPTEMBER 16,2008...and we r in love. our sex life is good too...i was his official first=]]...if only i was too...but hey....things happen for a reason.
Member # 54626
posted 02-23-2011 01:07 PM
Last night...with my boyfriend of pretty much exactly three months. I'm 19; he's 20. We're about half a year apart.
Ugh. I'm still at that turmoil-of-emotions stage, not helped by the fact that I'd committed to abstaining from actual intercourse (in the very least) till marriage, but, hey, he didn't pressure me into it, I said yes. That and the pregnancy panic that's prolly inevitable with me , it was...nice. Not spectacular; I didn't think it would be. Lotsa lube. Could have used more. xP He kept asking if I was okay, and waited for me to adjust. At some point when he was all the way in he asked if I wanted to be on top, which, bless him, was actually a super idea because being on the bottom wasn't terribly comfortable. Felt more natural/comfortable too, plus then I could look down and see him. It wasn't magical. Post-coitus it was a little hard to grasp (I lost my virginity and actually had sex!). I asked him how it was...and he said it felt awesome, which did wonders for me, because I want to know that it feels good for him. I didn't expect to get anywhere close to orgasming (and I didn't), and I don't think he actually did either, but being like that, feeling him in me and his hands on my hips and our eyes locked was... Okay...that part was probably actually pretty magical. I don't know if I regret it yet... If I do, it'll be regret over doing it so soon. Not regret over doing it with him. [ 02-23-2011, 01:08 PM: Message edited by: Destinee Carols ]
Member # 56571
posted 02-23-2011 03:24 PM
I was 23 yrs. old when I lost my virginity. And I need to say, it wasn't the greatest experience. It was VERY painful and I eventually needed to tell him to stop, which he did.
Looking back on it, I realize I probably didn't enjoy it because I really wasn't in love with him. I did it for a few different reasons. We had been dating for a while (4 months) and he "seemed" nice enough (meaning he never pressured me). Also, I was 23, and all of my friends had done it and I figured there had to be something wrong with me since I hadn't done anything sexual yet. I mistakenly believed that 23 was "old" to still be a virgin. I should also admit I was just plain curious. I do sometimes wish I had waited, only because he wasn't the right person for.
Member # 56890
posted 02-23-2011 06:00 PM
I'm 14 and i had my first time at least two weeks ago.I think i'm too young to have sex, but it didn't hurt as your first time did.I mean it was shocking because I couldn't believe this has happening.I don't regret my age or the person i had sex with.I only regret where we decided to have sex(boys' restroom). I mean thats what i get becuase i told my boyfriend of 6 months that i wasn't a virgin.After we had sex the first time i confessed that i was a virgin and he said that he would have waited for a better place if i were honest.
Member # 3
posted 02-23-2011 06:35 PM
quote: I mean thats what i get becuase i told my boyfriend of 6 months that i wasn't a virgin. Whether or not someone has or has not had sexual experience should have no bearing on them feeling like they deserve to have sex anywhere they don't want to or anytime they don't want to.
One would hope that your boyfriend has enough respect for you that he'd be thoughtful about whatever places you wanted to have sex or not no matter what your sexual history was.
Member # 54584
posted 02-27-2011 06:11 PM
I was 19 the day of my first time. It was three days after Christmas, and we had spent the majority of the day together, including dinner. Up until this time we hadn't said the L word yet, and I was antsy as could be to tell him, but I was nervous about it.
I was driving him home, and we stopped on the way there just to make out. Well it got a little heavier than 'just making out.' And right before we began having intercourse, he looked me in the eyes, and told me that he loved me. He said that he had wanted to tell me the whole day, but the time wasn't right. Well, needless to say, I got really emotional at that point and told him I loved him as well, and told him that I too had been wanting to say it. My first time, was ok. It hurt a lot, and probably would have been better if we weren't in a car. But he was really gentle with me, and took it very slow. Neither of us had an orgasm, but by the end of our experience, it started feeling good for me, which was good. I don't regret my first time, even though we had only been dating a little over a month, and despite the fact that we've broken up now. What I do regret was not being prepared. I was mentally and emotionally prepared, but we didn't have condoms, and that was stupid. That and I could have used a little lube that day too. But hindsight is 20-20. Lets just say, the second and third times were much better. Lol.
Member # 57537
posted 03-01-2011 02:57 AM
Wow! Where was this when I had my first time? I was looking all over for a great place to read and share stories about your first time... anyway, here's mine
It was December 2010 and I was 21 (yup!) and I met an amazing guy that past summer. He was so gentle, patient, and his foreplay on me was so wonderfully, selflessly, centered on my pleasure. It was the most generous, giving, and genuine sexual experience. It was beyond "feeling good" physically, it was feeling good emotionally too. It was emotionally nourishing. He actually worked his way up to it for hours that day. I actually wanted him to kiss me earlier and I was too scared to initiate it because I wasn't sure if he'd want to go beyond friends. But it was amazing that we could read each other's minds and want the same thing at the same time. We made out and he stimulated me down there over my clothes, and I did the same to him. Then he moved to stimulation under my clothes and we sort of silently gave each other the "GO" signal to just fully undress and take it to the bedroom. He was prepared with condoms, and so casually put one on. Didn't make it awkward at all, and as a result, I always use condoms without a problem or a flinch. My first time hurt, for sure. We were in his bedroom on his bed with comfy cotton sheets. The sun was setting and the light was just right. I was in the usual position where I am on top and he's just lying down. I literally just sat there after I got his penis all the way inside me. I must have sat there for 2 minutes LOL but he was so patient and let me do whatever I needed to do to get comfortable. I didn't orgasm because I was so focused on not injuring myself. And after that I had to "recover" for a week but after that I wanted it again, and again, and again! LOL I was mentally (not intoxicated), emotionally (I was really attracted to him as a person, friend, and sexual partner), and physically prepared (we had condoms, a house to ourselves, and plenty of hours to get through it together). It was better than I could ever ask for!
Member # 50712
posted 03-18-2011 01:56 AM
God, my first time was awful.
I was 17 going on 18, my first year in college, first boyfriend that lasted more than 2 months. It was the third month of the relationship (being just a teen, I figured the 90 days rule was standard. LOL.), it was broad daylight, and his roommate was gone. This is going to horrify you all, but to be honest, I didn't even want it. Of course, being the horndog that particular guy was, he was insistent for *hours* (and I should have left, really) until I finally gave in just so he'd shut up. Yeah, it wasn't even romantic, it went something like this: "Do you even have condoms?" "No." "Oh, forget this.." "Wait, it's cool. I don't have AIDS or anything, promise." *resumes half-assed seduction* Lasted about ten minutes, didn't feel any pleasure, and he didn't even kiss me during. Or any kind of foreplay, for that matter. Yeah, I was an idiot. (I was on the pill, btw) Short story shorter, I wasn't wet at ALL and it hurt like hell. As in, three days afterward I was still very sore and felt cheap. I think I started to hate him after that, but stayed with him anyway I guess in an attempt to make the relationship worth what I felt was lost.
Member # 44405
posted 03-18-2011 09:32 AM
I was 21 when I had sex for the first time, and while it was all kinds of exciting, having waited that long I was a little apprehensive. Is it the right time, is it the right person, there's no going back after it's done (I had strongly associated my virginity as a permanent part of myself).
I remember thinking afterwards that it really wasn't all that and despite loving my partner very much and having truly wanted it, afterwards I kind of wanted to get some time for myself. However I didn't want my partner to think something was wrong so I just let her cuddle up and fall asleep while I lay awake feeling slightly uncomfortable in my skin. Nowadays I feel fine after sex, though, haha. I don't think I'd continue having it if it still made me feel weird. [ 03-18-2011, 09:37 AM: Message edited by: Cian ]
Member # 59372
posted 03-18-2011 10:39 PM
I am 23 years old and lost my virginity when I married my boyfriend of 5 years on March 5th, 2011. We had always fooled around but having a strong Catholic background, being absolutely terrified of getting pregnant, and wanting to make our wedding night special, we chose to wait for intercourse.
My husband had lost his virginity when he was a teenager, but hadn't been with anyone else so I think we were both quite nervous. He was so sweet and so afraid of hurting me. I was expecting pain from my hymen, but didn't experience any and instead was so tense that I felt extreme pain from my rectum and I had to make him stop after only a minute or so. We just cuddled after that and talked it out a little. I don't think he knew how terrified I was of this pain though. The thought of having sex again was just unbearable. So while I will never forget our first night as husband and wife, I was slightly terrified that I had possibly injured myself beyond repair. In fact, I wish I had had access to the internet (we were on a cruise) in order to pose my questions on this wonderful site to find out what was wrong with me. However, every night of our honeymoon turned out to be wonderful and beautiful and I never experienced the weird rectal pain again. This last week has been our first week living together now and it has been so much better (being in our own bed also makes me less tense apparently). Thanks to everyone who shared their first-time stories ^_^
Member # 46170
posted 03-19-2011 03:16 PM
I just wanted to say, in case you haven't heard it before, that what happened with your ex was absolutely not your fault. It's not your fault he decided to pressure you (which is coercion and manipulative behaviour) and it is absolutely not your fault that he chose to ignore your refusals. Giving into something because someone else won't let it go is not giving consent. You were not idiot because what happened was not your fault. It was his for not respecting your boundaries and becoming coercive when he didn't get the answer he wanted.
Member # 50712
posted 03-21-2011 01:41 AM
Thank you, skiesofgreen. For a long time I thought there was something wrong with me for not being cool with it and that I was a 'bad girlfriend'. It took about four years after he and I broke up for me to recognize that what was happening was not normal and not acceptable. (during the course of the 2 years we were together, he continuously begged and guilted me into having sex) I wish I had known about Scarleteen's existence back then
Member # 39439
posted 03-21-2011 10:50 PM
I was a foreign exchange student in Italy and about to turn 17 then I lost my virginity. I was 4 months into this relationship type thing with an Italian guy (who didn't understand a word of English) so we'd already had an awkward dictionary-translated sex talk at this point. He was really sweet when I told him I wanted to wait and after that never tried to push me into doing anything.
He even told me that the reason he liked me so much was because I DIDN'T want to. Anyways one night the Mummy was on TV, and I got really excited because it's one of my favorite movies (and we only had seven channels)! So I called him up immediately and asked if he would watch it with me. We decided to watch it in his bedroom and of course we snuggled and I suppose one thing led to another. I had to convince him for about five minutes that I was ready, and he was obviously really nervous because he'd never been with a virgin before I guess. I think about halfway through I looked over his shoulder and realized we forgot to turn the movie off. So I guess we did it to the soundtrack of people getting slaughtered by a 2,000-year-old mummy dubbed in Italian. So romantic! EDIT: I'll just mention that overall it was a very nice experience (soundtrack included). At first, it hurt A LOT and I was like, grimacing. But he talked me through it and got me to relax which made it a lot better. Even over a year later I'm so glad it was with him: sweet, caring, and funny. We stayed together until I went back to the States, and we still talk all the time. [ 03-21-2011, 10:58 PM: Message edited by: SuzyJacuzzi ]
Member # 59604
posted 03-27-2011 02:53 PM
I lost my virginity on 23rd January this year. I'd been with my boyfriend (who I'm still with) for three months by that point, which doesn't seem like long now but felt like aeons (in a good way) then. I was 16, he's 19. We were in his room making out when things got quite heated and I told him that I wanted to have sex. We'd already discussed it quite a lot (including condoms, possible consequences etc) and I'd told him that although I definitely wanted to lose my virginity to him I wasn't sure that I was mentally ready for it; when I did I knew in that moment that I was ready, and I have no regrets.
I won't lie, it hurt a lot. We didn't have "proper" sex that day; I could barely cope having him inside me, let alone with any movement thrown into the mix, so we just cuddled for most of it. I was a virgin, he wasn't, and he was very understanding, very slow and tender. I couldn't have wished for him to have done anything else or been anymore wonderful than he was, and so although it was quite underwhelming I count it as a positive experience. It was either a week or two weeks later when we had sex again, this time managing to have "proper" sex! It was incredible and I think of that more as the time I lost my virginity, simply because I felt so connected to him after that and so completely and utterly in love.
Member # 55292
posted 03-28-2011 03:22 AM
My first time was June 27, 2008. I was 15 and so was my boyfriend. It was the day before our 7 month mark.
We were comfortable discussing sex. We originally said we wanted to wait until we were 17, then we changed it to 16, but considering how sexual we already were, it was hard to wait. A month or so before I brought some condoms over and kept them in his room, just in case. The day of, we got to talking about it, and discussed it for about an hour beforehand. We were both ready, but nervous virgins that we were, had no idea what to expect. What we discussed were the reasons we should or shouldn't, and what to do in the case of an unexpected pregnancy (were we not virgins, we would have discussed STI's as well). The only reasons we could think of to not do it were the fear of getting caught or my parents/his grandparents finding out. We eventually decided to do it. I helped with the condom, and we decided to do it on the floor (his bed is really creaky). It wasn't horrible, but he got a little excited and pushed my legs up and that when I experienced the pain I had expected. I said "Ow," and he apologized and put my legs down and was done a few seconds later. It was extremely short, and afterwards we were surprised at how we felt the same. The next day we tried again and ended up having sex for an hour and 40 mins. (How we ever managed that I have no idea.) We maintained an active sex life after that. Once my mom found out she said she wished I would have waited, but got me on the pill. I'm still with him today, today (March 28, 2011) makes it 3 years and 4 months. Things are better than ever. He doesn't enjoy sex all that much, but he likes how I react, so we still have a good sex life. He has a lock on his bedroom door now, and we're the only ones with keys. His grandparents are old-fashioned and avoid the subject in every way they can, but I think they know (especially since his grandma walked in on us during the early stages of our sex life). Overall, I think I'm happy with the whole experience. I certainly don't regret who I lost it with. If anything, I wish we would have moved a little slower in our relationship to start with (especially since he was a virgin to everything beyond kissing and I had already been fingered by 4 people and had experienced oral with another girl.) But since we were where we were sexually at the time, it wasn't bad timing. So, yeah. No regrets at this point, but initially, moving slower might've been wise. Sorry this was so long, but it's something I don't often get a chance to talk about.