T O P I C R E V I E W
chibearsr#1
Member # 52770
posted 03-02-2011 06:37 PM
I am sorry to admit that I am coming back here again for help because that means I ignored my previous statements and did what I said I wouldn't do. I had unprotected sex again. My boyfriend and I made a pact not to do so again...in writing this time. We are sure it will not happen again. But the situation is very different now. We had sexual intercourse on February 27. He came earlier in the day from a blow job. But, that day was different. We decided to try anal. I loved it. But in addition to the lube, he was in my vagina for about 20 seconds to initially get wet (he entered me about half an hour after he came...but I'm pretty sure he wiped off after he came. And if not, 30 min would have killed most of the sperm.) He showered afterward. About two hours later, we were in my basement and had sex for about three minutes (we heard people upstairs and quickly decided not to continue our actions.) He didn't cum then. I cannot remember whether I gave him a blow job between the time we had anal and when we had sex. However, I distinctly remember him going upstairs to the bathroom for around five minutes before he came downstairs and had sex with me. I am positive of this because he told me, "I'll be back down in just a minute so you won't be waiting long." I am pretty sure he went to the bathroom. So with that explanation, I shouldn't have much reason to worry. I worried myself too much last time and ended up having a 35 day cycle start to start because of the stress. But in the past year, my cycle has ranged from 22 to 35 days...I just don't know how to approach my parents about birth control to help regulate it. They do not and will not know about my sexual activity. Now that I've written an essay of background information, I'll ask my question. Today when I got home from school, I went to the bathroom as usual, and I had a medium red discharge. It seemed as if the outside was white, but the large center area of it was between pink and red. Now I just have a very light tint on the toilet paper. He did not cum in me during anal so there is no chance that he dripped around my vaginal area. I have no idea why I have a very light pink discharge and I need to figure out what to do now while EC is still an option. For the future, we have the written pact...a promise to each other. I don't break promises to him. So that will suffice. What do you think the discharge is from? Thanks in advance.
Karybu
Member # 20094
posted 03-02-2011 06:46 PM
Spotting can be due to a bunch of things. It could be your period starting, some hormonal fluctuations, any number of things. Just to check though: are you up to date with your STI screenings and gyn exams? You've been having unprotected sex, which means a high risk of STIs, so getting that testing and exam taken care of would be the best place to start. As for your risk, I'm not totally clear from your post whether he ever ejaculated anywhere near your vulva or not? If not, then your risk is low and taking EC so late would not likely change anything. Either way though, it's up to you.
chibearsr#1
Member # 52770
posted 03-02-2011 06:59 PM
Well my last period was February 8-13, but the one before that was January 4-8. They were so far apart because I've been under a ton of stress and I lost my virginity, unprotected, so I stressed myself out even more. I am not sure how long my cycle should be because it has been so irregular. I made a chart of all of my periods from the last year and my cycles (start to start) have been 29, 31, 28, 29, 34, 28, 30, 22(ish), 26, 26, 26, 28, and 35. So I have no idea what day...I have about a week span I can sometimes narrow it down to. And no he did not cum near my vulva. He came from a blow job twice that day. He said he did not come from anal and I trust that because he can tell me a good 45 seconds before he does.
Karybu
Member # 20094
posted 03-02-2011 07:01 PM
Okay, so your risk is likely pretty darn low then. It could be your period showing up, because it does sound like you've had an irregular cycle for quite awhile, but what I said about the STI screenings and gyn exam still stands. If you need help finding somewhere to get that care, we can absolutely help you with that (or you can see if there are any entries in the Find-a-Doc database on the main site that would work for you).
chibearsr#1
Member # 52770
posted 03-02-2011 07:04 PM
And no I am not up to date. I will turn 18 over the summer so there are I lot of things I should do but cannot without parental consent. And parental consent requires letting them know about my activities. I lost my virginity a little over a month ago, my parents do not know about any of the sexual things that my boyfriend and I have done, and he is my first partner. However, I believe he is up to date on his tests. He does not have any STIs for sure. So really I am not sure that I can necessarily justify talking to my parents about screenings and exams without them being suspicious of my sexual activity and that is something I really don't feel comfortable letting them know about. This is my first boyfriend. It's all new to me.
chibearsr#1
Member # 52770
posted 03-02-2011 07:06 PM
That would mean that I've had a 22 day cycle though...and there was one month, September, in which I had two periods. But I did not document it well so I don't have any more information. That cycle seems really short though.
chibearsr#1
Member # 52770
posted 03-02-2011 07:12 PM
I know you are not my parents, but I want to pose this question to you. So given this information on my period irregularity (which I've never bothered to point out to them before), in combination with my extreme moodiness before and during my period and my acne breakouts then too, do you think I have reasonable justification for asking them to consider putting me on birth control? They are strong...I rarely ever win any conversations with them because they're right most of the time. I don't even get the chance. And my mom has suggested "Teen Vitamins" and all of these other natural supplements. But I don't want those because I know birth control has a higher success rate with the issues I face and because I am sexually active...but I can't tell them the second part. However, I will be going to college in a different state come August, and my birthday is towards the end of the summer. I'd like to have my birth control cycle regulated before I go. What do you think about me bringing up the subject, etc, as it stands now?
Heather
Member # 3
posted 03-02-2011 07:58 PM
As I mentioned to you the last time we talked, in Illinois, you do not need parental consent for sexual healthcare nor for contraception. In terms of what you're asking about contraception, here's the thing: that may or may not address what's been going on with you, in terms of any or all of those symptoms. It can help with those for some people, but not for others, and for some people, it may be the exact wrong medication for those things. So, my best suggestion is to seek out sexual healthcare on your own. You need it anyway, and if you want another method of contraception, you can get one whether or not it will impact any of these issues. I also strongly suggest you and your partner have a talk about why condoms haven't been used. I know you two have this signed agreement about not having sex for now, but I think this is an important issue to address regardless. I'd also check in to know for sure what his testing status, rather than just feeling like you have some idea, especially since you've now had the riskiest kind of sex there is without protection when it comes to your health. How do you feel about having these conversations with him? It sounds like they haven't happened: do you have any sense of why?
chibearsr#1
Member # 52770
posted 03-02-2011 08:43 PM
Well it has happened three times total. Twice without a condom, one with. When we didn't use one, it was because we didn't have one and didn't really think ahead. But we have legitimately signed that pact and will be making sure condoms are available at all times in the future. And actually, we talk about serious issues all the time. I am completely comfortable talking to him about them and he feels the same way. Honesty and communication are the only policies in our relationship. We both firmly believe that lies and stepping around the truth only cause further issues so we have adopted practices to help us avoid any uncertainity in our relationship.
Heather
Member # 3
posted 03-02-2011 08:45 PM
Fantastic. Do you want help finding somewhere to get sexual healthcare and where you can also talk about getting a method of contraception?
chibearsr#1
Member # 52770
posted 03-02-2011 08:50 PM
And I forgot to address the sexual healthcare issue. I have looked into it since we talked. Lately, I do not have time to finish my homework after all of my extracurricular activities, let alone drive two or more hours each way to a clinic that can administer birth control, etc., to me. And there may be some local places, but I cannot get away to go there. It is physically impossible for me to take advantage of the resources I have available to me. Talking here has helped me realize that if a condom is not near, I just need to abstain from intercourse. Problem solved. I'm sorry that it took me two times to figure that out. However, I would still like to know what you think of the discharge. I apologize now for the tmi, but I decided to see if it was still there so I put a kleenex on my finger and inserted it into me as if I were going to finger myself and the whole thing came out melon pink/red. So it's not just a little bit. But I cannot ever remember my period being that way. Maybe I haven't noticed it before. I'm not sure.
chibearsr#1
Member # 52770
posted 03-02-2011 08:53 PM
But yes, any information you can give me would help thank you.
Heather
Member # 3
posted 03-02-2011 08:57 PM
I have to assume you have some autonomy if you've been able to get to wherever you've had sex with your partner, right? So, if you could make that happen, can I ask why you couldn't do the same to take care of the things you need to around this? I can help you seek out places nearby to you. A;l I need to help with that is a zip code. Pinkish discharge can happen for a handful of reasons. It can happen because it's about a period, or just before or after. It can happen around ovulation sometimes. It can happen because of an infection. It can happen because of abrasion (like because of overzealous sex or lack of lubrication). If it's happening frequently, chances are it's about an infection or another health condition.
chibearsr#1
Member # 52770
posted 03-02-2011 09:10 PM
Yes I do. But I only get to see my boyfriend once every two weeks at the most...long-distance. I run around all day, every day. If I do not specifically schedule a day for him, he doesn't get one. The first time we had sex was at his house. The second was at mine. I've seen him four times this year, and we haven't been sexually active in that sense for very long. That's why I have not taken car of some of those issues. For a zip code, I'll give you a general area and say around 60060. I'm thinking maybe it's a really early period. It's only day 22 of my cycle but it's obvious my cycle isn't regular. We did not have overzealous sex Sunday, but when we did go harder in January, I was extremely wet. There was a lot of lubrication. This is the first time it happened.
Heather
Member # 3
posted 03-02-2011 09:21 PM
So, howsabout that next day you two schedule is a day where you both go to the clinic? Then you can both get tested and also both make a very real commitment to taking care of each other around sex. Oddly enough, I went to college right around where you are. Anyway, here's a listing of a big bunch of sites where you can get STI testing, from the CDC: http://www.hivtest.org/Results.aspx And here are the Planned Parenthood branches closest to you: http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-center/findCenter.asp If you're up to venturing into Chicago proper, I could make even more suggestions, including some clinicians I know personally. Just let me know.
chibearsr#1
Member # 52770
posted 03-02-2011 09:35 PM
Thank you. I looked....there aren't any centers by him. It is my turn to go out there next. The centers are closest to my house. But if we leave on a multiple hour venture, my parents are bound to ask questions. So if I get to see him in the next month, it won't really be possible. I think I am going to wait until I make my college decision (in a few weeks) to bring up tests to my mom. Many colleges require new vaccinations, etc., and I think it would be a perfect time to bring up getting those tests. After all, I will be 18 soon, and most places recommend seeing a gynecologist once a female turns 18 or becomes sexually active.
Heather
Member # 3
posted 03-02-2011 09:40 PM
You don't think he could maybe skip a turn so that you two could do this to take care of each other well? I'm not going to keep up with this, ultimately, because it's not my place to push around this. It simply seems to me that you're past-due on taking care of yourself well in this department, that the barriers you've said you're sure are barriers -- parental notification, lack of ever being able to go anywhere -- we've made clear more than once are not, and that this is something you want to seriously consider doing in the interest of your best self-care. I also think you two doing something like getting tested and getting this care together would help you both get a better handle on handling sex responsibly and really feeling what that entails. But that's just my feedback and my advice. I've done the best I can do to direct you to a substantial number of services to do that, and now it's just up to you if you pursue those or not, which is 100% your choice and your call.
chibearsr#1
Member # 52770
posted 03-04-2011 08:12 PM
I am not trying to sound as if I am ignoring what you are saying...I most certainly am not. I am just stressed at this point in my life and am having issues prioritizing because everything is important. At the moment, refraining from sexual activity is the easiest solution for me. But I do need to see a doctor. We run into the issues I don't want to discuss (I've been very vague about some of them) but I think I know how to handle them. So, I have one last question. I have my period now. For sure. My cycle was 22 days. The last one was 35. Is this cause for concern considering my past semi-irregularity?
Karybu
Member # 20094
posted 03-04-2011 08:57 PM
It isn't unusual for periods to be irregular for up to five years after you start menstruating, but if you've had your period for awhile and your cycles aren't settling into a pattern at all, it's worth asking about.