T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 107996
posted 07-18-2013 11:00 AM
im new so I don't know if this is the correct place to post thi but here it goes. Right in 17 now and I get really bad anxiety that I may be a pedo it all started when I was 16 (the anxiety) and I have had many sleepless nights over this. When I was 10/11 my little sister started asking me about sex and I didn't know any thing so I said go ask somebody that knows. After about 3 weeks my sister who was 6/7 at the time started getting more and more curious about it and started asking me to have sex withe her and I said yes we stripped and started rubbing against each other after a couple of times doing it i stopped becausei felt bad but I didn't know what about. After a couple of years I started getting bad memories of this experience and near cried I started to feel extreamly deppresed and have attempted suicide and when I turned 16 they got worse and one night I woke up in a sweat crying and went and told my mum a got to the side of her bed an burst out screaming crying and I told my mum everything and she was so angry she nearly threw me out the house and dissowned me. After a couple of days I spoke to my mum about it again and she said " I don't condone what you have done but it was a childhood mistake" she said " you were just experimenting but you have done it with the wrong person YOUR SISTER"after that I keep getting feeling that in a pedo for what I had done but my mum says in not I have never been aroused by kids under 13 but I have epathy for some of them I never want to cause harm to kids (metaly nor phisically) I keep telling my sister that it wasn't her fault and asked her if she has had bad dreams about it but she had forgot about what we had done so why can't I i have a good relationship with her no but I feel like I have failed her as a brother can sombody please help me
eckky [ 07-18-2013, 11:04 AM: Message edited by: Robin Lee ]
Member # 90293
posted 07-18-2013 11:08 AM
Hi Eckky and welcome to Scarleteen,
it's not at all unusual for children to experiment sexually. have you received help and counseling for the depression you've experienced? Depression and suicide attempts are not things we can help anyone with here at Scarleteen, so if you're not already receiving help for those things, you need to start by talking to a counselor or to your doctor or other healthcare provider.
Member # 90293
posted 07-18-2013 11:20 AM
just to make clear, there is a lot here that we really aren't able to or equipped to help you with.
What we are and aren't able to do is listed here. http://www.scarleteen.com/need_help_now_a_guide_to_scarleteens_direct_services I really hear how badly you're feeling, and how worried you are that you did harm, and very firmly think that this is something you need help with from a counselor or other healthcare professional.