T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 106528
posted 03-26-2013 01:29 PM
Hi, I have a question about orgasms...I'm a 19 year old lesbian, and I'm totally capable of coming through masturbation (usually by rubbing my clitoris on a pillow or whatever), but I've never managed to come with a partner...the thing is, I've read about the g-spot and stuff, but I've never gotten pleasure from being penetrated. I've had several different sexual partners who've fingered me without getting me off, and in fact, I've never even been able to entirely insert a tampon correctly, which I *think* is part of the whole "not liking penetration" thing.
I used to show symptoms of PCOS so doctors definitely examined my reproductive system and never, as far as I know, discovered anything anatomically wrong with me... So could it be that I just can't orgasm through penetration, and should just focus on other means? Is it even A Thing/possible to be totally incapable of coming in that way? Or am I just doing it "wrong" somehow? Thanks a ton in advance! This website is truly fantastic; I'm so glad it exists. (:
Member # 101745
posted 03-26-2013 05:21 PM
Hi suigeneris, and welcome to the message boards!
Here are few articles about orgasm and sexual response that might be helpful to read. I know that there's a lot of heterosexual language in there, but the key issue is one of penetration, not the gender of the involved partners, so I think they'll still be worth a read. =) The Great No-Orgasm-from-Intercourse Conundrum Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body Note the statistic from that first article, that at least 70% of women do not reach orgasm from penetration, whether that's from a penis, toy, or fingers. You may eventually find that you enjoy penetration, and maybe you never will - and you might enjoy it quite a bit but never find that you have an orgasm during penetration. And that's ok! But no, it's certainly not uncommon for women to enjoy penetration less than other sexual activities, or to have orgasms during penetration rarely or not at all. And while some people just love g-spot stimulation, it's not for everyone. If you find that fingering doesn't work for you, it's ok to ask partners not to do that. By all means, if you're interested in exploring that and happy to let them try, that's fine, but I want to remind you that if penetration of any sort just doesn't sound good to you right now, that's what matters - even if a partner really wants to do that to you, their wanting doesn't trump your desire not to do it. Have you ever shown a partner how you like to masturbate? That can be a great way to show someone a way to touch you that you already know you enjoy. Another thing you could try is to ask partners to keep their nails trimmed and/or use latex gloves and a lot of lube during manual sex. Also, I think that third article is a great place to spend some time; so much of orgasm and sexual pleasure comes from the circumstances of who we're with, how we're feeling, and other non-physical aspects of sex. It can be really easy to get caught up in a "I can't orgasm from X activity" space, but I think it can be helpful to step back from that mindset a bit. Also, while orgasms are great, it can be helpful to not let sex between partners come down entirely on whether or not people have them. (And finally, please remember to only post a topic in one place on the boards! Thanks!)