T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 101220
posted 03-02-2013 03:35 PM
Basically I was really dumb and I sent a guy some bad pictures of me online. He asked for one with my face in it, and I thought he was nice, so I sent one.
Now I think he posted it on some weird Russian website with my Tumblr URL because I've been getting messages from weird guys who can barely speak English asking for more pictures. I don't have any personal information/pictures on my blog but I'm still kinda scared. I've tried messaging the guy but he's either not online or he's ignoring me, so I'm not sure what to do. I'm not really worried about anyone finding me, but I would really like those pictures off of the internet. I don't understand why he would do this. He seemed really nice and smart and caring, and I've been nothing but nice to him too, so I don't know what I did to make him want to do this to me.
Member # 41699
posted 03-02-2013 03:59 PM
Hi EGB, I'm really sorry that you're going through this right now. Unfortunately we can never know what someone's motivations really are, especially when it's online and anonymous. I understand how unfair it is and how betrayed you might feel right now, that you were nothing but kind to this person and he exploited that. Some people are just bad people, and it's hard to know why. Especially for those of us who AREN'T bad people.
Unfortunately, the internet is a pretty cut-throat place and once something is up, it's up for good. Depending on your age and your local laws, you may be able to force the website with the pictures to take them down, but since the website isn't from your area, the laws won't apply to them, so that's really something you'd have to talk to a lawyer about. What do you feel you need from us right now? How can we best support you?
Member # 101220
posted 03-03-2013 09:24 PM
You don't think there's anything I can do to get the pictures down? If those pictures go very far I can't think of anything to do besides kill myself.
I don't think I could tell my parents about this, and I don't know what to say to the guy to get him to take them down. He messaged me back last night and said that he didn't like being accused of things and that he wasn't interested in talking to me anymore and that I was completely insignificant to him and that it didn't matter to him whether or not I existed. So I sort of took that as confirmation that he did it, haha.
Member # 90293
posted 03-03-2013 10:15 PM
What do you think would happen if you talked with your parents about this?
Member # 101220
posted 03-04-2013 05:49 AM
I don't know that anything would happen, I'm just not very close to my parents and I don't think I could bring myself to tell them about this. Plus, the guy and I were kind of in like a daddy/daughter dom/sub type thing and there was something about that in one of the pictures so if my dad ever saw it I dunno what I'd do. I'm a really good student and I never get in trouble so even if my parents were very understanding about it, I don't think they'd ever look at me the same way.
Jacob at Scarleteen
Member # 66249
posted 03-04-2013 07:24 AM
I'm so sad to hear someone has abused your trust in this way.
I'm thinking that, though it wouldn't get rid of the images, and as one possible long term remedy, you might think about taking down your blog, changing your email address and starting again somewhere else on the internet with a pseudonym. It's kind of like moving out of a neighbourhood where people have treated you like crap. If you can't change how you're being treated you can attempt to cut them off. And though those images are now out there, they're also a drop in the ocean of similar material. I'll be honest, there are images of me, people I'm close to, and plenty more people which are out there somewhere on the internet. It's very common for those of us who've grown into our sexuality during the internet age. Importantly you didn't do anything wrong, these people are mean and messed up. None of them are worth your well-being nor are they worth your life. You also deserve for more care than to be blamed or shamed for this by anyone you might ask for help and you have a right to be pissed off about it. I'm going to take your talk of suicide seriously and make clear that as scary as this is, it can be manageable and there are always more options even if it takes time to find them, but you need to give yourself that time. If you're still feeling that way it's so important that you call a helpline first... let me look for one in your area. There is some stuff here: http://www.suicidehotlines.com/newyork.html I'm not sure how you could take down the photos. But how would you feel about disassociating from them, cutting off your connections to it and moving on, putting this behind you? Some time away from the rest of the internet also sounds like it could be nice especially if you're being harassed by messages you don't want to be reading. Online bullying of this sort is sadly almost routine on some parts of the internet and difficult to deal with. Importantly it's a bigger problem we need to work on, so you're not alone. And also you can get through it, just like with most forms of bullying, gaining more independence and perspective as time goes on means that we can survive it and can come out stronger. Best wishes, do look after yourself. [ 03-04-2013, 10:57 AM: Message edited by: Jacob at Scarleteen ]
Member # 101745
posted 03-04-2013 06:06 PM
I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. This guy really betrayed your trust in a big way and has clearly demonstrated by his response to you that no matter if he was the one to post your pictures or not, he's a pretty nasty individual. =(
The good thing is that, as Jacob said above, there are so many photos online and there's so much turnover as new content is generated or uploaded that it's pretty likely that after this initial wave of interest and creepy messages dies down, you won't have to deal with more fallout from this. You say your blog doesn't have any personal info on it, so it's probably unlikely that someone will draw a clear connection between these pictures and your own blog; you could certainly change your tumblr name or email if you are extra worried. I had a few pictures taken from my personal blog and posted on a porn/fetish site when I was in college. The site owner did take the pictures down when I asked, but responded with a really nasty email and made my blog/webcam the site's "link of the week" in what I can only imagine was an act of revenge. I did get creepy guys pestering me for a while, but they eventually stopped bugging me and I just blocked everyone who tried to talk to me. I did lock down my personal blog for a while and only let friends read it, but eventually I was able to relax online a bit. It still makes me feel pretty gross and violated when I think about it, and I really am sorry you have been put in this situation.
Member # 3
posted 03-04-2013 06:54 PM
By the by, you can always email whoever owns the domain (the URL) those photos are on, make clear they are of you, you own them, and you did not give permission for anyone to post them, and ask for them to be removed.
To find the person to email about a domain, go to: http://www.networksolutions.com/whois/index.jsp, enter the domain name, and look for the email address in the info it gives you either for abuse or listed as the administrative email. If you're a minor, say that: if you're a minor and they know it, they will probably RACE to take them down, because they would be posting child pornography. Even if you're not a minor, the request alone may result in them removing the images, since posting images of someone without their permission, particularly sexual photos, can land people in legal hot water, even with consenting adults.