T O P I C R E V I E W
maria0104
Member # 97546
posted 11-10-2012 12:16 AM
Hello! I've struggled a lot here lately, so I've had several posts. Mainly over pregnancy risk questions. So, I took Heather's advice, and I am going to a gynecologist for the first time. I was just curious, is there anything you all could tell me about how it goes and stuff? I know the woman I'll be going to does not do pap tests til age 21. (unless you've had some serious issues down there) but I know she'll ask how "sexual" I've been, and I've done almost everything BUT direct genital to genital contact, what would be the best way to word it? Thanks
maria0104
Member # 97546
posted 11-10-2012 01:20 AM
Oh, I should've put that Heather may need to answer all this, idk. It does not matter to me. Just whoever can. Btw, I've been doing better with my anxiety, too. I usually just glance at my threads to reassure. I do have another concern... As I was just checking things out on here, I went to the sexual Health section, clicked on FAQs, and looks at dry sex. A lot of the volunteers had said "take an EC!" or stuff like that. Jw, why is that? It was ten years ago, so maybe there was more research or something? I just wondering why this was. I am curious, but yes reviewing my previous threads have helped a lot. I just thought "wait... Whaat?" about those lol
Robin Lee
Member # 90293
posted 11-10-2012 11:10 AM
HI Maria, Heather is off today, so I hope you don't mind if I answer your questions. You can explain your sexual experiences in whatever way you feel comfortable. For example, you could say that you've had oral and manual sex with your boyfriend, or you could say it the way you said it above, or something else. WE can go over that more specifically if you would like. If your doctor doesn't do PAP tests for people younger than 21, this will probably just be a conversational visit. As with going to any other doctor, they will probably take your vitals at the beginning of the appointment--weight, blood pressure, etc. Here's an article about Your First Gynecologist Visit As to the information you read regarding the need for E.C. after dry humping, no that is not current and isn't what we advise now.
maria0104
Member # 97546
posted 11-10-2012 11:15 AM
No I don't mind at all I really appreciate your answers. They definitely help. I will read that article after while, when I have more time. What you said about how to word my experiences is helpful too. And okay, I wasn't trying to be rude or anything, I was just concerned after reading things to keep my anxiety levels down. But thank you, I understand. I can calm that little part of me that was freaking out. Thanks again!
Robin Lee
Member # 90293
posted 11-10-2012 11:21 AM
You weren't being rude at all. WE want our information here to be as helpful to people as possible. In fact, if you could give me links to where you saw that advice, I'll take a look at them myself.
maria0104
Member # 97546
posted 11-10-2012 01:05 PM
I can't find the links now :/.... I promise they were on here though. They were under sexual health and the FAQs. And I trust it, I just have worry problems so I just looked around and it helps me tremendously, but that little bit scared me a little. I knew you all did not contradict yourselves, especially since so many volunteers told me the same thing (dry humping with one layer = NO need for EC pill) so I thought wait... What? But I mean I've had a period after that experience anyways. I just was curious.
Heather
Member # 3
posted 11-10-2012 01:15 PM
Hey, Maria. I'm just passing through today, but for sure, links over 10 years old which have not been currently updated should not be considered to have current information, be they here or anywhere else. We've recently tanked the old FAQs -- mostly made of old links -- for this reason. And I'm with Robin in talking to this new GYN: you can explain to them what your sexual activity has and hasn't involved just like you have here, but to get your needs met, I'd be sure and let them know that you have been struggling with consistent pregnancy anxiety around these activities.
maria0104
Member # 97546
posted 11-10-2012 01:20 PM
Alright. That makes sense. I mean a lot has been researched and discovered in the past ten years, so yeah. I will definitely talk to my gyno about these things, and thanks for telling me how to go about it. I'm just glad I get to go finally after talking to my mom!
Heather
Member # 3
posted 11-10-2012 01:22 PM
I'm so glad for you!
maria0104
Member # 97546
posted 11-10-2012 10:29 PM
I don't need to tell my gyno I need a pregnancy test, right? Since what all you've told me?
Robin Lee
Member # 90293
posted 11-11-2012 09:44 AM
You can share with her that you've been concerned, if you would like to, but there's no reason to take a pregnancy test at the doctor, especially if you've already taken one.
maria0104
Member # 97546
posted 11-11-2012 01:05 PM
Alright
Robin Lee
Member # 90293
posted 11-11-2012 01:34 PM
Good luck with your appointment. When is it?
maria0104
Member # 97546
posted 11-11-2012 01:58 PM
Well, I'm not sure. I'm going to the same place as my mom, and she was going to make me an appt the other day while she was on the phone, but they wouldn't allow her to do that bc of the privacy laws or whatever it's called. She talked to them on friday in the evening, and she gave them my number and they're supposed to call me. It'll probably be Monday or Tuesday before I hear from them. My appt will probably be soon after that. I'm glad to hear my first visit will be just a sit down and discuss for the most part lol
maria0104
Member # 97546
posted 11-14-2012 08:52 PM
Hey! I also wanted to add that I took some more advise and found a good, trustworthy friend to confide in. I told her, and I feel soooo relieved of course, she doesn't, she had unprotected sex and didn't take an EC, and now she's afraid. I've told her what you all say on here, but she is still scared. I would be too, though. But she had full on unprotected sex and genital contact while I had dry humping, no ejaculation, and one layer of clothes--- so I'm pretty sure I'm the one who never should've freaked out. Especially compared to her. Poor girl but yes, it did help me. And I think just having someone to talk to helped her as well. Thanks
Robin Lee
Member # 90293
posted 11-15-2012 06:44 AM
Go you for sharing with someone. Have you heard from the doctor's office yet in regards to making an appointment?
maria0104
Member # 97546
posted 11-15-2012 07:29 AM
They're taking forever! They did email the other day asking for my info so I suppose they're in the process.
Robin Lee
Member # 90293
posted 11-15-2012 08:05 AM
You can always call them yourself and check on the process.
maria0104
Member # 97546
posted 11-15-2012 08:10 AM
I believe I will have to! But I just wanted to let you know I took some more advice and it helped
Heather
Member # 3
posted 11-15-2012 11:26 AM
Maria: I was so glad to see you opened up to a friend, and it sounds like in this case, your friend wasn't as far from your own experiences as you thought! Sounds like the two of you each have someone to talk with about these issues now, and that's so great. Good for you for taking that step.
maria0104
Member # 97546
posted 11-16-2012 03:48 PM
HELP! I was talking to my bf today, and apparently he wasn't very honest with me. He told me he honestly couldn't remember if he came in his shorts that one time we dry humped he said he may have but didn't wanna say anything to cause more worry. I am hurt, but also scared to death again.. My belly has felt squirmy lately, but I though it was probably gas (past two, three days) I took a test the day before my period came, and got a negative. I also got a "period" with clots and filled up atleast 2-3 pads completely. Of course I changed frequently so I didn't conpletely fill up any more. My "period" was 4 or 4 1/2, but they are usually 6 or AT LEAST a good five days. What do I do?
Claire P.
Member # 96773
posted 11-16-2012 04:02 PM
I'd just like to cut in here to show you my ST blog post with a very short and clear explanation of dry-humping and pregnancy risk:http://www.scarleteen.com/blog/clairep/2012/10/25/dry_humping_freakout Can you take a look at it and then let us know what exactly you're scared of, based on the facts and how they relate to your particular situation?
Claire P.
Member # 96773
posted 11-16-2012 04:06 PM
Also, just so you know, it's not unusual for periods to change in duration and intensity without an identifiable "cause." Dry-humping not being a risk in itself aside, I don't see why you have quotes about the word period, since there is no obvious problem in what you are describing. [ 11-16-2012, 04:09 PM: Message edited by: Claire P. ]
maria0104
Member # 97546
posted 11-16-2012 04:15 PM
The reason I was worried is bc they all asked me in my previous posts "was there ejaculate?" And I thought that meant a preg risk if he did ejaculate. So I'm okay? I was fine til he told me today he was pretty sure he ejaculated. He was wearing shorts while I was naked like in your blog, but are you saying that there was NO risk? And okay about the period thing. Thanks so much for such a fast reply.
maria0104
Member # 97546
posted 11-16-2012 05:27 PM
.
Heather
Member # 3
posted 11-16-2012 05:45 PM
I fear it sounds like we're going back in circles again. Let's keep the forward movement happening, okay? We've already discussed, a lot, how pregnancy does and doesn't happen, and between the link Claire just gave you and previous conversations, I believe we have already also discussed how when people are dressed -- like your partner wearing shorts -- pregnancy isn't something that is going to happen. And also, again, you have had a menstrual period, you have had a negative pregnancy test, both after this incident. My best advice is to stop going over and over this previous stuff in your head again or in conversations with your partner unless it's to note what happened before in order to make clear you want to do things different again. Staying stuck on this is just going to have you staying stuck in an endless loop of anxiety. How about we make an agreement that from here on out, we no longer discuss any sexual activity that occurred for you in the past, period? And instead, if you want to keep talking, discuss your *feelings* now, or help you might need making choices now, or questions you have about sex, sexuality, sexual health or relationships based on this day forward and the future? I just think all that's happening if we keep talking about these past incidents is that we're helping you to stay stuck in anxiety, and that's the last thing we want to do. It's also totally nonproductive for you and us. Okay?
maria0104
Member # 97546
posted 11-16-2012 05:48 PM
Okay from here on out, no past. The reason I am currently experiencing fear is bc of events from the past. I thought that whether the guy ejaculated or not made a difference when there was only one layer. But that clears my fears up A LOT if I know if made no difference. I did like Claire's post though.
Heather
Member # 3
posted 11-16-2012 05:58 PM
Well, events of the past have triggered those fears, but they aren't all that has been triggering them, and the fear? That's present-tense. I also have the sense, as you and I have talked about before, that these fears and anxiety are about a lot more than these past events. (After all, some people will have been in the same situations, right, and not felt the way you do and also easily let the fears go with something like a period and negative pregnancy tests or all the information we've shared. So: not simply about what happened, if you catch my drift.) But let's try this agreement, and I appreciate your willingness to give it a shot.
maria0104
Member # 97546
posted 11-16-2012 09:47 PM
I catch your drift. I think you mean "Maria... Chill!!!" Lol. But I am sorry. I just got so afraid and wanted to make sure it didn't make a difference. Now I'm clear it did not and I shouldn't freak. Plus, I've had a period. And yeah I think the anxiety stems from what we discussed before So if a guy full on ejaculates through one layer and its right at your vagina it can't get you pregnant?
maria0104
Member # 97546
posted 11-16-2012 11:43 PM
Also, just curious is it even norm to dry hump with one layer? Do people do that often and still end up okay? And I've heard that Suzanne Somer's first baby was born that way... But idk. Apparently she wrote a book about it? I just kinda want to talk this out.
Jacob at Scarleteen
Member # 66249
posted 11-17-2012 05:06 AM
Hey Maria, I think we've already answered that second question, and to the first one, who are we to say what's the norm? I feel like you can already know this from reading what we've already said. As you acknowledged yourself your anxiety is the problem here. I would say that it might be useful for you to train yourself to recognise that in yourself, and when you find you're worrying with a new question to step back and say "This is the anxiety speaking"... especially for you, if it's a question about dry humping. It can be your bat-signal. You might even write it on a poster and stick it on your wall (or that might just be the quirky sort of thing I'd do) "Remember: If I'm worrying about dry humping it means I'm anxious" I know that won't make everything ok, and it doesn't mean you won't still feel like you need someone to talk to. That is totally ok... You can come here when you're feeling that way... you just don't need a question about dry humping to come tell us how you're feeling. Some of the help you might need could take a long time for even you to work out. But saying "I'm feeling anxious again, what can I do about this?" might be much better for you and us than another question about pregnancy or sti risks. As heather said above it could be better to speaking about your feelings. I have problems with anxiety myself, but for me the issue can be the opposite, I'll say I'm anxious and someone will ask me what I'm anxious about... the truth is that what I'm anxious about usually isn't the root of my anxiety and it's me who needs to work to move the conversation back to the anxiety itself as something that I need to deal with. I've done things like spoken to my doctor, my university, I have some on going support at uni and I'm on the waiting list now for some 1-on-1 therapy. "What can I do about anxiety?" is a bigger question but it is a question which can be answered, and when it is, it also takes time to make the steps outlined in those answers. So this is all within reach. [ 11-17-2012, 05:10 AM: Message edited by: Jacob at Scarleteen ]
maria0104
Member # 97546
posted 11-18-2012 12:57 AM
Okay. Well.. I'm having this anxiety, and I feel so terrified. I saw on planned parenthood where semen could soak through one layer, and create a pregnancy. So for starters, that freaked me out. Another thing, my bf and I are having trouble bc he and I are having "sexual relationship problems". He's sexually frustrated and is taking it out on me pretty hard. That also makes me think "if I were to be pregnant, it would be awful right now". So That's reason 2 for my anxiety. I just don't know what to do. This is the only site I've found that says it was impossible. Not that I don't trust you, it's just scary stuff when I'm going through so much relationship issues. I understand ppl need a "sexual outlet" but idk what to do :/
Robin Lee
Member # 90293
posted 11-18-2012 09:59 AM
HI Maria, First of all, remember that you had a negative pregnancy test. IN terms of whether anyone can get pregnant from a specific sexual activity, that's the most important thing to remember for yourself--that you've already tested and you're not pregnant. In terms of your relationship, I'm sorry you're going through these frustrations. You are not responsible for your boyfriend's sexual frustrations. IN any sexual relationship, the person who doesn't want a sexual activity is always the one who gets to decide what the sexual interaction will be, so you don't need to feel guilty about saying that you don't want certain sexual activities. It's your body and you're perfectly entitled to do so. So, what would help you most right now?
maria0104
Member # 97546
posted 11-18-2012 11:23 AM
Okay Robin. Well the first thing that would help is to know I took the test at the right time, bc I've been worried about that. I took it 29 days into my cycle, and it was about 18 days after the situation (at the least) was this enough time? Also, if my bf would calm down it would help out a great deal as well. I apologize that I keep coming back and coming back my belly has been kinda swollen (but i do have irritable bowel syndrome...) and its poking out so it scared me. Or I could just be gaining weight, idk. But I'd just like to know if you think that one test was sufficient and accurate, and taken at the right time? Do I need another? But yes I did have a period...
Robin Lee
Member # 90293
posted 11-18-2012 11:27 AM
If you had a period, and a negative pregnancy test (the timing was fine), you're really okay. Can you talk a little more about the stress between you and your boyfriend?
maria0104
Member # 97546
posted 11-18-2012 11:42 AM
We were discussing our sexual boundaries the other day, and I said "you know, I don't want to do that one thing [dry hump with one layer] it was really dangerous actually in my opinion" and he said "yeah I know. I'm glad you didn't get pregnant, bc I think I may have came, not sure, but I think I did, and wasn't gonna tell you unless your period didn't show." That just really bothered/scared me. And first of all I would WANT him to tell me. I mean you can get EC pills! He has apologized for keeping that from me, and he said it was for my own good due to my anxiety problems, which I suppose makes sense. But it bothers me at the same time. How do I know he'd be honest about something else? He's really sweet but he did this.... And to top that off he said "everything I've read said you can get pregnant like that" (after telling me while we were in that act "no Maria don't worry about it you can't get pregnant") so I just think what in the world am I supposed to be thinking right now???
Robin Lee
Member # 90293
posted 11-18-2012 01:35 PM
Nodding...you're getting conflicted messages from him, and I can understand how that would be confusing and make you worry about trusting him. Were you able to share your concern about the inconsistency in him telling you it was fine when he'd read that it wasn't fine? Was he supportive with your suggestion that you avoid that activity, or make sure you're both clothed if you do want to engage in dry humping? Have we talked before about you getting some help and support with this ongoing anxiety?
maria0104
Member # 97546
posted 11-18-2012 02:29 PM
Yes he was supportive, and agree about being clothed while dry humping. But the conflicting message is what made it so hard. I finally broke down one last time and bought another pregnancy test, and it was negative. I KNOW the results are accurate, and I'm okay this time the instructions said "any time of day this test can be taken" so I know it's right it was a little hard buying a test by myself, but seeing that result one last time was worth it.
Robin Lee
Member # 90293
posted 11-18-2012 02:45 PM
Yay...I'm glad it was worth it. So, what's going to help you from here? Do you feel like you would benefit from talking with your boyfriend again and telling him how you're feeling about him saying one thing to you and thinking another?
maria0104
Member # 97546
posted 11-18-2012 03:23 PM
Yes I am going to tell him. I guess nothing can help tons, i guess it just takes time to come out of a two month long pregnancy scare, ya know? But I appreciate the help you've given me talking through this. I should've just bought another test sooner, but today was the only chance I had to sneak away. Talking to you helped, but you're right when you say it's better when you hold a negative test in your hands. Having you to talk to made it easier to take the test, actually. Because the whole time I was thinking "we'll robin said.." "So it'll be okay." Also, my gyno called. My first appointment is in about two weeks. It's all set up So I know my test was negative today, and I do nothing else anymore that has a pregnancy risk, and I'm getting birth control pills the day I go to the gyno, which I'll take faithfully. Thanks for talking But... I may be back with questions later about birth control pills or if something comes up. I am really glad I can say this has came to a close. Y'all are the best:)