T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 98830
posted 11-03-2012 09:18 PM
I'm 15 years old and I haven't really masturbated yet. I mean, I've looked around down there with a hand mirror before and touched my vulva a bit, but never actually masturbated. I want to though, but I'm not exactly sure what I should do. When ever I've looked it up online, I've just found unhelpful tips like "just do what feels good", or weird things like ******* yourself with a hairbrush. And I'll admit, I'm afraid of sticking even a tampon in myself, let alone... Yeah. I know it's weird for a girl my age to be afraid of tampons, most my friends use them while I'm just sticking to pads, but just the thought of sticking something in me scares me. So I was wondering if there are any good ways to masturbate well without sticking my fingers or a hairbrush in there?
Member # 96773
posted 11-03-2012 10:04 PM
Hi JackieCardew, and welcome to Scarleteen!
That hand mirror method is a great first step to familiarize yourself with, well, yourself. That can seem like an uncomfortable and/or otherwise intimidating idea for others- I've talked with many girls in past conversations who are just as afraid of directly checking themselves out down there as they are of putting tampons in, etc. So, I'm wondering, what's different here, in your case? Are you able to talk a little more about why you find the idea of inserting something relatively nonthreatening into your vagina (excepting the hairbrush- I'm just talking tampons and your own fingers) scary? Do you feel comfortable with how much you know about subjects like reproduction, including specifics covering the various parts of different parts of genitalia and the reproductive organs? I'm thinking that is a potential reason putting something into your vagina is scary- because you may not know what that involves, what the object is coming into contact with, may or may not be having some kind of effect on... does any of this sound familiar or seem to make sense to you and your situation? And/or do you think it is something different, or at least, more deeply-rooted to something else? I am responding so much to this issue because it's really important to grow into a feeling of familiarity and safe understanding with your own body. I think this is particularly relevant in this kind of case, where you feel like you may be interested in sexual activity- even if a not-partnered sexual activity, as is solo masturbation. Feeling comfortable during these experiences can really make all the difference! Having said all that, however, I do not actually think your fear putting things into your vagina is necessarily something that is "holding you back" from a form of what may seem like some "real" experience of masturbation. Unless you’re at a legit site like Scarleteen, it’s usually the best idea not to take anything a random stranger on the internet says seriously. While a bunch of similar-sounding advice or feedback from other topics could actually be persuasive and turn out to be legit, that isn’t that true insofar as sexuality and issues of sexual health & education go- unfortunately, there are a lot of people out there who never had access to real information about sex stuff, and often, kids who don’t learn these things grow into adults ho often continue to carry around a bunch of misconceptions. SO: no need to listen to any of those “weird things” and while the hairbrush thing may be something some women do actually like and engage in as a form of masturbation, that does not actually have to have any kind of influence on how YOU can masturbate. So, while I can see why this answer would appear frustrating to you, I do think that actually "just do what feels good" is probably closest to the most sound, all-inclusive advice you're going to come across on the Internet. If, when trying to look stuff up, you did a bunch of general searches and stayed primarily on message boards and/or blogs that appeared in the results, a bunch of the ideas you may have come across could have been pretty representative of our mainstream society. Oftentimes in our society, there is a weird disconnect between how women actually feel in regards to their own arousal and the their preferred sexual activity or more specifically, the ways in which they like to be sexually stimulated-- and how society chooses to portray this, often to a pretty in-your-face extent that is visible in a range of stuff from movie sex scenes, to health classes with under-educated teachers. What I'm trying to say is: regardless of what you discover about your interests/preferences later on, it's important to realize at this pre-first-step that you don't need to feel tied to any expectations (obvious all over the TV, tabloids, even in how peers may discuss certain related topics) of how you should masturbate and/or through what certain sexual activities you may or may not prefer. Only around 30% of women at most experience vaginal orgasms (without additional stimulation), for example. So EVEN if these bloggers/posters somehow thought it was legit to leap right to suggestions re the insertion of a large and potentially-harmful household object, their underlying assumption that led to the idea (that it would "obviously" lead the hairbrush-user to a vaginal orgasm) was pretty ignorant itself! While you mentioned you touched your vulva while looking at yourself with the hand mirror- was this merely for, like, investigative purposes? Or were you feeling around at all in response to, or in hope of, some feeling of sexual arousal and physical response? Many women find that stimulating the clitoris in some way can at the least add positively to their overall experience. Again, the HOW here is really up to the individual woman- eg because many women may choose to include clitoral stimulation in their solo and/or partnered sexual activity, that doesn't mean they're all defining/interpreting "stimulation" in the same way. To go back to my first point in closing, I'd like to stress the primary need to make yourself feel comfortable. As you've experienced a specific vaginal-insertion fear, make sure, as you begin experimenting, that you aren't feeling anything related to that fear- and if you are, I'd suggest you take a break, and then take things slowly and carefully. The OTHER thing about making yourself feel comfy and safe first, is that masturbation is most often connected to experiencing arousal, and feeling unsafe could pretty understandably nix any hot feelings. Your question stuck to the technicalities of your situation, but generally (correct me if I'm wrong) an interest in trying masturbation is linked to a personal experience of being aroused in some way? And an interest in intensifying that experience, perhaps? My point is that certain touches can feel good in certain contexts, but not others. An enjoyable masturbation experience is not JUST comprised of actively engaging in one or more of your preferred methods of sexual stimulation. So while your interest in trying masturbation is understandable, be careful not to let that overcome your actual level of enjoyment. Last example (really!): even if you didn't have a fear of inserting objects into your vagina, that in itself would not be reason enough to believe that masturbating with a hairbrush would be automatically pleasurable to you. Arousal is what will make or break the experience, so don't force anything that seems dull or difficult or otherwise unfortunate. Make sure you're in the right head-space, whether it be through fantasizing or just deep-breathing or what have you. Andddd here's a great page from Heather giving some more detailed tips! http://www.scarleteen.com/article/body/how_do_you_masturbate [ 11-03-2012, 11:11 PM: Message edited by: Claire P. ]