T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 95707
posted 05-02-2012 12:20 PM
Thank you very much for this message board, it's been very helpful but I found myself still lacking the comprehensive reassurance for my particular situation..so that's why i'm here. I recently fooled around with my girlfriend who is 2 days away from her ovulation. (as we've tracked in various accurate ways for about 2 years now) And the "fooled around" part is what's got me in a stupid fluster. We were out on a date all day and had just arrived home to realize her house was empty. Naturally, the mood caught us but we've discussed it heavily and have decided not to have abstain from any risky sexual activity especially around her "danger days", so we didn't actually have sex. Instead, I started off using a toy on her till she was "finished", all the while keeping my pants on. Now, we made a rule called the "One Pants" rule. Basically, at any one time during our heated activity, either one of us MUST have our pants on. Never both naked, and I honestly think it's a very safe rule to stick by. Anyway, after I had finished using the toy on her, she put on her skirt first, then gave me oral sex. I finished in her mouth and she spat it out onto a nearby towel we had prepared, which I then threw to the other side of the room. Lying there, content, and completely spent, we chat for awhile and she tells me she wants to use the toy again, which I had concerns about to begin with because I had just comed and was worried parts of my body would somehow....through a rainbow miracle, leak onto the toy. Either way, I didn't want to disappoint her so I took another towel made of rough material and thoroughly cleaned both our hands with it, then cleaned the toy, then used it on her again. And that's the end of the story. Now..at one point of time, for just a few minutes, we both had our pants off as she was giving me oral sex whilst using the toy on herself. I finished on her breasts and cleaned it up super fast, then put my pants right back on. So just to be clear, here are the summarized facts: 1) We had no penetrative sexual interplay. 2) Our genitals never met. They were at least 2 feet away from each other at all times. 3) I did not insert any part of my body into her, not even my fingers. So..my worry is that..by some freak chance..like, when I got up to put on my pants that final time I FLUNG a huge dollop of sperm that somehow did a U-turn near her "hoo haa" and entered her at a velocity to rival that of an actual ejaculation. I know it sounds silly but I didn't get a good sexual education AT ALL, so my head is just full of myths and "what ifs" that keep me thinking that if I even so much as TOUCH her down there on a dangerous day, even without any intercourse or other sexual activity, I could get her pregnant. Heck..i'm here because I think that just because we did SOME sort of activity on a dangerous day, I should be worried. Even with all the safety precautions we take and our near-meticulous attention to detail, I worry because I have no idea. People tell me "all it takes is one!" And a sea of dread just washes over my face and i'm thinking.."oh god...so if I take my finger, touch myself then touch her (down there), it's A CHANCE she'll get pregnant". I know it's hard to tell me for certain that she won't get pregnant in that way I just described but..heck, I don't even know what logic brings people to a "there's ALWAYS a chance"... I get there's always a chance but..jeez, I have no idea whether I was reckless that day when we fooled around or if I have nothing to worry about.. Looking forward to all your helpful replies..i'll check back often! :3
Member # 90293
posted 05-02-2012 02:27 PM
Hi, and welcome to Scarleteen.
yes, it only takes one sperm to fertilize an egg, but it's a lot more complicated than that...and a lot simpler. Basically, that one sperm needs its semen, and all it's other sperm buddies to help it get to the egg. Pregnancy risks can happen in one of two ways: 1. When a bare penis and a bare vulva connect, either through rubbing, or vaginal intercourse, or anal intercourse. 2. When freshly ejaculated semen comes into contact with a bare vulva. For this to happen, someone would have to ejaculate onto or very near a bare vulva. The scenario you described with touching your penis then touching her vulva could really only be a risk if you intentionally took a big handful of semen and inserted it into her vagina. You would know if you did that! How does your girlfriend track her ovulation? While fertility is highest around ovulation, it doesn't mean that there are other days when fertilization can't occur. It might be more helpful to you and your girlfriend to moderately consider pregnancy risks all the time (which it sounds like you do) than to think of certain days as her "dangerous" days. The same precautions you use every other time will work just as well around ovulation. Does that make sense? I'm not sure what articles you've read on our site, but here's a little reading material to supplement what I'm saying here. BTw, I enjoyed reading about the way you and your girlfriend have worked together to come up with guidelines for safety. Yay you! As I said above, direct contact is necessary for pregnancy risks to occur, but if the "one pants rule" helps the two of you be mindful and keep track of things, go for it! I think that's half the battle: along with having the right information, coming up with ways to implement it. Misconception Mayhem: Separating Pregnancy and Pregnancy Risk Myths from Facts
Where DID I Come From? A Refresher Course in Human Reproduction
Member # 95707
posted 05-02-2012 06:34 PM
Thanks so much! That actually makes me feel much better. So, the scenario i'm describing to you..doesn't really fit the description of a "pregnancy risk", right?.. I mean, you're right, I most certainly would have known if I ejaculated into my hand and went to work on her. And just so we're clear though, even then, I didn't have any direct contact with her vulva with any part of my body in this instance i'm describing. Largely because of my silly little misinformed head :| Your answer about having to have an intentional, big handful of semen AT LEAST though is very comforting. Is that really true, and why's it so? And, does this mean my belief that a spot of suspicious pre-ejaculate on my finger would be enough to impregnate my girlfriend if I so much as touch her vulva with it, is a big misconception? I also read some more reassuring information on the first link you sent me: FACT: If after touching pre-ejaculate or ejaculate your hands were washed before touching your (females) or your female partner’s genitals then there’s no risk of pregnancy. If you wiped your hands off after touching ejaculate or pre-ejaculate then there was no risk or an exceptionally low risk of pregnancy. To have a viable pregnancy risk with manual sex, your hand would have to be literally dripping with semen. All in all..do you think I have much to worry about here?.. Every other message board on the subject seems to be stuffed with misinformation and I can't tell if I have good safe-sex practices in place or if i'm just as reckless and have an equal or greater chance of causing an accidental pregnancy as a guy who uses the withdrawal method as his only form of contraception.
Member # 95707
posted 05-02-2012 06:47 PM
P.S, we track her ovulation through using the traditional calendar methods, just basically counting out an approximate window with the average length of her regular cycles.
She has her period almost always at Day 30, and by Day 20 you'd already know it's coming because she has different discharges as she progresses towards the start of her next period. Kinda like checkpoints, if you will, so it helps us keep track of her period really well. Along the the calendar method, her cervical mucus also noticeably changes within the time-window we suspect she would be ovulating in. She also gets in the mood much quicker when she's near or on her ovulation day too so it's yet another reminder for me that though tempting, we have to have the self-control to not give in to risky sexual activity. Having said that though, during this time, we usually practice complete abstinence or mutual masturbation (not with any genital contact or anywhere near using one's genitals to stimulate the other). I know the methods aren't full proof but we've been tracking and charting her cycles for a little over 2 years now so I would think we have a pretty good idea on when her ovulation would be. (And even then, we never have unprotected sex.)
Member # 90293
posted 05-02-2012 08:18 PM
First of all, you might be surprised to learn that the method, when practiced properly, actually has a very high success rate for preventing pregnancy. Granted, other methods have a higher success rate and are easier to implement, but I just thought I'd mention it since you brought it up. Withdrawal To answer your question about why you'd actually have to intentionally put a whole handful of fresh ejaculate inside your girlfriend's vagina to run a pregnancy risk by touching her with your hand, I'm copying part of what I said in my post above: "Basically, that one sperm needs its semen, and all it's other sperm buddies to help it get to the egg." So, a little spot of pre-ejaculate, which may or may not have a few sperm in it, doesn't have the right conditions for the sperm to survive and do their work. Sperm are delicate little creatures and don't survive open air and transfer too terribly well. One way I like to think about it is that if the ejaculate has to make any stops between penis and vulva, such as on a hand, or a piece of lclothing, than the sperm is no longer viable. There's actually a really concise explanation of this in this article on hand-washing: The Simple And Underrated Art Of Washing Your Hands It sounds like you and your girlfriend are both very interested in tracking her cycle. Here's some more information on that:
Get With the Flow: All About FAM
Member # 95707
posted 05-03-2012 01:04 PM
Well, alright I guess that answers that I like that whole "if it has to make any stops between penis and vulva" thought. It's a quaint way to put it, I think i'll remember to refer to that. I guess sperm's really more fragile than we're led to believe, huh? I mean, it makes sense. So many couples try and try for sometimes up to a couple of years to conceive, all the while doing everything perfectly right, yet nothing happens. Guess i'm just a worrywart :S
Member # 90293
posted 05-03-2012 01:49 PM
OH, sperm is pretty darn powerful. It just doesn't have nearly the transfer or staying power that people give it credit for. If there's direct contact, though, including but not only vaginal intercourse, there can definitely be a pregnancy risk.