T O P I C R E V I E W
DoodlesOx
Member # 75163
posted 12-10-2011 01:00 PM
Okay, so I might of had another pregnancy risk. But before I freak out and suffer with my stupid anxiety, I'm just going to make sure first. Okay, so I know i've had another pregnancy risk on this, but me and my boyfriend have actually been extremely careful until now. We have bought condoms and although we dont have sex, we still use them when engaging in other sexual activities. But we didnt have any today but decided that we would still do stuff. I know that I broke up with him last week but I just couldnt handle it and I got back with him. Maybe it was a mistake but i've been very happy being back with him. But today, we were making out and I gave him a handjob, then he put back on his boxers but I still felt around again, and he was wet with his boxers on. We then dryhumped but I was wearing underwear, and tights, but these tights were knitted and had lots of little holes in them, that was the design. He still had his boxers on but his penis was pretty erect and it could of slipped out of his boxers. He says it didnt but I just want to know if there is any pregnancy risk? And if so, how big or small? I just want to know now, is there any reason for me to worry? If you say I dont need to worry, then I'll just forget about it. Im not going through what I did last time and keep worrying even though I know. My period is due in about four or five days. Thank you.
Heather
Member # 3
posted 12-10-2011 01:21 PM
You had a couple layers of clothing between you and he did not ejaculate while you were dry humping. You have not described something with a pregnancy risk.
DoodlesOx
Member # 75163
posted 12-10-2011 01:28 PM
Okay phew, thank you I really dont know what i'd do without this website!
DoodlesOx
Member # 75163
posted 12-12-2011 03:41 PM
Okay, I just have one more question. I only noticed that the underwear that I was wearing that day had a hole in them, probably about the size of a pea, it must of just been an old pair of underwear that I just threw on without realising. So, like...is there any way that his penis could have had contact with that part of my vagina? Could that make a possible pregnancy risk? Even asking that, I sound so stupid but I have just know I have to ask anyway. Its just...weird...I recounted the days till my period and its actually 28 days today. I ALWAYS usually get mine either on the 27th day or the 28th day but even so, I usually have cramps, and other pms symtoms leading up to my period but not this time. i dont feel like my period is coming at all. And that has never happened before so im just slightly worried about that, is that normal? Can that happen? To be honest, I dont think I could be pregnant, but I just have to clear every possible way. So its just my period that im worrying about :S
DoodlesOx
Member # 75163
posted 12-12-2011 03:48 PM
Also, if you could just answer this question too, just out of curiousity, even if his penis was out of his boxers some how, would I still be at risk even when wearing my tights and underwear? Keeping in my mind these were very thin tights that knitted together with loads of holes in them and that fact that I found a small hole in my underwear?
-Firefly-
Member # 26516
posted 12-14-2011 12:43 PM
Sorry your other questions were missed Doodles. Pregnancy from what you describe still sounds incredibly unlikely, especially since your boyfriend didn't ejaculate. I don't think you have anything to worry about. Sometimes our bodies do strange things, and periods can be late for various reasons. Would you like some information on reliable methods of birth control?
DoodlesOx
Member # 75163
posted 12-14-2011 01:29 PM
Oh thats okay Okay, well if you say so, then i'll stop worrying I actually did get my period now im not worrying now. Since, having your period rules out pregnancy completely yes? And yes, that would actually be extremely helpful!
-Firefly-
Member # 26516
posted 12-14-2011 01:35 PM
Yup, having a normal period rules out pregnancy. When you have a normal period, you shed the lining of your uterus. This is where a fertilized egg would implant, so if the lining is shed, no implantation. Here's a couple of articles that might be helpful for you. You can check them out in your own time and then come back for a chat if you have questions or if things are unclear:Birth Control Bingo! The Buddy System: Effectiveness Rates for Backing Up Your Birth Control With a Second Method Safe, Sound & Sexy: A Safer Sex How-To [ 12-14-2011, 01:36 PM: Message edited by: -Firefly- ]
DoodlesOx
Member # 75163
posted 12-14-2011 01:45 PM
Thank you for the articles, I shall take a look at them now but I just have one more (stupid) question thats lingering in my mind. I read, that it takes a week for an egg to implant. If that is correct, could the lining of my uterus shed for four days, then rebuild and then the egg attach to the uterus within the last three days left of the week? Or is that just a stupid assumption and I should just let it go.....?
-Firefly-
Member # 26516
posted 12-14-2011 02:03 PM
To be clear, I really don't think you have anything to worry about. To answer your question though (it's not stupid, don't worry), it is technically possible for sperm to survive up to 5 days in the vagina. If a woman happens to ovulate right after her period (which is generally NOT the case), then it is technically possible for the sperm to travel up to the egg in the fallopian tubes and to fertilize it. The fertilized egg would then travel down to the uterus and could implant. The thing with all of this though, is that there are A LOT of factors at play in pregnancy and the timing of things is really important. It's really unlikely for someone to become pregnant through dry sex when there isn't any direct genital to genital contact. The vast majority of people become pregnant through unprotected intercourse or ejaculation directly on the vulva/vagina. Sperm is fragile, and needs really specific conditions to make it all the way to the egg. This might help as well: Where DID I Come From? A Refresher Course in Human Reproduction If you would like the additional peace of mind, you can definitely take a pregnancy test about 14 days after your possible risk. We recommend waiting at least 14 days because pregnancy isn't instantaneous and the body needs time to build up the hormone that is detected in pregnancy tests. I hope this information helps and doesn't make you more stressed out. Like I said, I really don't think you have anything to worry about.
DoodlesOx
Member # 75163
posted 12-14-2011 02:29 PM
Okay thank you, thats always good to know. But considering even if in worse conditions, he didnt ejaculate, just to be clear, even if he was just wearing boxers, and I was wearing nothing (thats not the case, but for arguements sake), I still wouldnt be at risk because he didnt ejaculate and there wasnt direct genital to genital contact..... Oh another question, how high or low is the risk of pregnancy when having genital to genital contact, but no intercourse? Anyway, im sort of rambling here, basically, I dont have anything to worry about yes? I mean, the incident occured on saturday, therefore, its already been four days, and since I only started my period yesterday, I still have about two or three days left, so EVEN IF sperm managed to survive in my uterus for five days, it couldnt fertilise an egg because im still on my period and technically, it should die tomorrow...whilst still on my period. So there for I shouldnt be any risk of pregnancy. Am I correct in saying that? Sorry, I know im probaly being difficult :S
-Firefly-
Member # 26516
posted 12-14-2011 02:57 PM
There's no need to apologize, although I do have to ask: do you feel ready to be engaging in sexual activity? Sometimes when we're extremely worried about pregnancy in situation where it's really unlikely, our bodies are trying to tell us that maybe we're not quite ready. Have you seen this article before? Pregnancy Scared? If not, I highly recommend taking a look as well. It's there to help you assess whether there was a risk or not. How about you take a look and let us know if you have any more questions after?
DoodlesOx
Member # 75163
posted 12-14-2011 03:12 PM
Okay, Im just confused, considering how thin my tights were, and the conditions of my underwear, and the slight chance of his penis out of his boxers, do I or do I not count this as genital to genital contact? Because once thats clear in my head, then I can accept whatever my case.
-Firefly-
Member # 26516
posted 12-14-2011 03:20 PM
If this exact situation happened to me, personally, I wouldn't count it as genital to genital contact. At this point though, I think it's your call to make. Obviously, I wasn't there so I can't know exactly what your tights looked like, where the hole in your underwear was, or whether his penis was out of his boxers. Since your boyfriend was there though, have you talked to him at all about your worries? Is he supportive of you in this? It would suck to have to go through all this stress without in-person support. Unprotected genital to genital contact, with no ejaculation anywhere near the vulva or vagina, is about equivalent in risk as perfectly used withdrawal (which is 96% effective at preventing pregnancy). In your case, since there was likely no genital to genital contact, I would say your risk is just about non-existant. Does that clear things up? EDIT: for you consideration, I'll add this article about assessing your readiness for sexual activity: Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist [ 12-14-2011, 03:24 PM: Message edited by: -Firefly- ]
DoodlesOx
Member # 75163
posted 12-14-2011 04:15 PM
Yeah I suppose, I mean at first I didnt think anything of it, and even when I asked the question, I remained calm and forgot about it but it just keeps springing to mind now with the sudden possiblilies. Well...thinking about it, I'd say the hole was located at my anus, it wasnt directly over my vaginal opening anyway. And my boyfriend claims that when we were dryhumping, his penis was in his boxers the whole time. This situation was basically, we were dryhumping, I was wearing a skirt with tights, for most of the dryhumping, I wasnt DIRECTLY on his penis, but there were times. The tights were like those wool tights you buy at winter, except they werent the heaviest pair, they were light, and when I stretch out, you can see all the tiny little holes. My underwear was most likely cotton I presume, (I threw them out)...and the hole was about the size of a pea, and was located around my anal area. My boyfriend had cotton boxers on that im even almost sure that his penis remained in whilst dryhumping. He didnt ejaculate, there might of been some precum on his boxers, especially since, just before, I was about to give him a handjob, so im pretty sure there was precum in his boxers. And thats as much as I can describe my situation. I dont even know why im describing it again, I guess me rambling about it is making me feel better. And yes, hes extremely supportive about all of this, so it is always nice to have him. But hes been extremely busy this week with upcoming important exams, and I didnt want to stress him out. He doesnt believe that I could be pregnant, and I know I have an anxiety problem, and he usually gets really worried when I get into this state and I dont want to distract him this week. So I've decided to turn to this for comfort for now. But if you consider my risk of pregnancy to be non-existant then I need to get that into my head. Also, just to edit: Im sorry if it seems im ignoring what you're saying about if im ready for this sort of stuff yet or not, to be honest, I think you might be right and I just dont know how to respond to that. But its not the biggest deal to me either, because I know my boyfriend was understand completely, and hes very supportive of how I feel so its not a huge issue if im not ready or not because I can stop without having to fear about the outcomes. Thank you for the article by the way, I will read it and think about what I really want right now [ 12-14-2011, 04:22 PM: Message edited by: DoodlesOx ]
-Firefly-
Member # 26516
posted 12-15-2011 02:53 PM
How are you doing today Doodles? I'm glad to hear your boyfriend is supportive, and would respect your boundaries if you wanted to back up from sexual activity. Here's yet another article for you if you're interested: Whoa, There! How to Slow Down When You're Moving Too Fast
DoodlesOx
Member # 75163
posted 12-16-2011 11:50 AM
Im doing okay, I actually havent really thought about the situation today so im feeling okay I know that I should really just forget about it because if I did get pregnant from this situation, I would be very shocked! So I know that my risk is basically non-existant so I have nothing to worry about And thank you for the article
DoodlesOx
Member # 75163
posted 12-20-2011 11:12 AM
Okay, i've started worrying again :S I've experienced some pain my womb today, but it didnt feel like period cramps, it was a different time of pain. Could that mean anything relating to pregnancy? I know, it must be annoying that I keep askng the same question but you did say that my risk was basically non existant and I have nothing to worry about right? Just to be reassured I really dont want to worrying over the holidays and since my period isnt due till the middle of january, I dont want to worry that long :S Besides, I got my period so...I have nothing to worry about...And I wouldnt be experiencing symtoms now right?
Heather
Member # 3
posted 12-20-2011 11:17 AM
It seems pretty clear, though, that what we're saying isn't really helping you. So, how about this: since your period isn't enough to reassure you, and our explaining all of this hasn't been either, why don't you take a pregnancy test?
DoodlesOx
Member # 75163
posted 12-20-2011 11:39 AM
I dont know, I dont think i'd feel comfortable taking a pregnancy test if im being perfectly honest. You see, I took a pregnancy test the last time, and I never disposed of the box, just crammed it in a draw a few months back and forgot about since im not usually in that house. But my mother found it today and completely flipped, luckily, I managed to convince her that I was not pregnant and that I never exposed myself to a pregnancy risk. But as I was trying to convince her that I wasnt pregnant from that incident, I could help but worry in the back of my mind about my recent one. I feel so ashamed of myself. I feel like i've really disapointed my mother, god knows what she thiks now! I mean, she found a pregnancy test in her teenage daughters bedroom! And I havent got the money to buy a pregnancy test if im being perfectly honest... Oh but you see, my period would be enough to reassure me but its just the fact that sperm could survive for five days in the womb so im worried that although I got my period, I still could have fertilised an egg....
Heather
Member # 3
posted 12-20-2011 11:48 AM
So, sounds like we should probably also really talk, very honestly, about if you really feel ready to handle this, okay? And to do things you'll need to do sometimes -- like take a pregnancy test -- if you're going to be sexually active. Because what I'm hearing sounds like you're feeling pretty in over your head here, and really not equipped to deal with some of this. It also sounds like you're just not feeling good about any of this at all. Like I said, if nothing else is comforting you about this, a pregnancy test is the next place to go. I hear why you're not comfortable with it, but it seems like not-comfortable is where you're at now, too. And there's just only so much we can do for someone else like this. One thing to know, though, is that if the timing here involved intercourse before a period, then you had one, then pregnancy AFTER a period -- which is what would need to happen as there isn't an egg to fertilize yet during one? That's intensely unlikely. Again, part of that is that there's not likely yet an egg to fertilize, but even if there was, you're shedding the lining it needs to implant in.
DoodlesOx
Member # 75163
posted 12-20-2011 12:04 PM
Its all just very confusing if im being honest. When im there, in the moment, I want to engage in those sort of activities and I dont feel uncomfortable at all. But then, something like this happens and I find, that you're correct in saying that I just cant handle this. I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now and I genuinely WANT to be close to him in that way. But then again, im torn. I suppose when im away from him, I dont really feel that I should be doing those things. But it was never something big and I never really thought about it in depth. But im afraid that it will affect my relationship if I stop things like that. And I know I need to accept that I couldnt have become pregnant from this situation, the parania often comes in waves. Some days i'll think my self stupid and smile at my worries and then other days, I completely fret over them and convince myself that I must be pregnant from a very unlikely situation. And you're absolutely right. I hate to admit it, but im not going to argue. I really dont know how to handle it.
Heather
Member # 3
posted 12-20-2011 12:16 PM
I think it helps to think about readiness as sex feeling good, physically and emotionally, not just during, but before and after, too. So, if all three parts aren't there? Then it makes a lot of sense to have a rethink. Know what I mean? As well, feeling aroused and excited, as you know, is not exactly the best time to base our sexual decisions on, because when we feel like that, it can be really easy to go to a yes even if it's not our own best choice at the time. We can tend to forget all the downsides, or things that go on -- or can -- after, in that moment. You know now, and have for a while, that when it comes to the after, and some of the possible outcomes, this hasn't been feeling good for you. Too, if you feel like you have to engage in sex to keep your relationship, that's another big cue something isn't likely right here. In healthy relationships, and sexual relationships that are right for us, sex will always feel optional, never required. You know that's there are no points in being able to handle this and not, right? In other words, none of us are always going to be up to every sexual situation or relationship. Most of us, if not all of us, will have times in our lives where for various reasons, it's not something we want, or not something we can handle, or just not something we're up to at a given time, on the whole, or with certain parts of sexual life. Personally, where I DO think there are points or props is when we can be aware of our own core feelings, aware of our limitations, and then honor them and make sexual choices that also honor them and serve us best. Making the choice to do something we don't feel good about or we know isn't right for us suggests less emotional maturity and care of ourselves than making choices we know or suspect are most right and feel best all around. Know what I mean? In other words, it's okay not to be able to handle this sometimes: that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you or that you're deficient in some way. But when it feels like that, where we can err is by still doing things even when we know they're not right for us.