T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 51769
posted 08-31-2011 05:18 PM
i dont hate all my family, but the atmosphere in my house is so horrible i dont know if i can take it anymore. theres constant arguing, and everything is so dysfunctional and it has been all my life and it doesn't help my current situation of trying to get over my ex.
my dad is a bully, and he can be so nasty and insults us, calls us names. he just called my mum a stupid bitch. and last night, when my sister didnt understand something he said she had a thick skull and shouted at her, and accused her of trying to take the piss out of him? he's not all there mentally i don't think, but it's horrible to live with. H ewas beaten up and abused as a child (not sexually, just violently and psychological), so he was never treated well so maybe he just doesnt know how to be. we are never his priority, and ironicly, he spends his time bending over backwards to help his parents who beat him up so badly as a child. his mum is horrible and manipulative too. i hate living here. everyone is unhappy. my sisters unhappy, my mum is VERY unhappy, and so am i. My mum has a spinal injury and is in SO much pain, a lot of the time it brings her to tears. and yet i still witness my dad sitting on his armchair while my mum heaves a massive coal scuttle full of coal and put it in our aga. wheres the fairness in that? and my mum doesnt know any different. i sit there and watch ehr cry and cry when he comes home super late at night when shes made dinner for him hours before. i tell her to stop doing it, but she doesnt. she bends over backwards trying to please him and the thanks she gets is him calling her a stupid bitch and yelling so loud. i just hate it here, its not a happy place at all. i dont know what to do anymore. theres no reasoning with him either. he just yells and says everything he can to make otu everyone else is wrong and he is right. we tried family counselling once and even the counsellor implied he was a lost cause. he refused to accept any wrong doing and denied everything and refused to co operate. its time like these where i just want a chat and a cuddle with my ex, but i cant. also sucks because he hasnt spoken to me at all really, and i've also found out hes heavily on drugs, as in quite serious ones that you sniff. thats not the boy i knew, or fell in love with why has he changed like this? how can two people who were so in love just end like that? and then he just turns to drugs. everything is so messed up. i'm just sad.
Member # 3
posted 08-31-2011 06:33 PM
I'm really sorry to hear you've grown up with that, georgie, and that you still have to live in it. That certainly fills in a bit of the picture with me about some of the struggles you had leaving a relationship you were unhappy in.
Can I ask what your plan is to eventually be able to leave home? As I recall, you're of age where you can, legally. (Per your ex, I have no idea, save that with something like that. I always figure it probably started before you knew, since usually things like that don't just come out of nowhere, but just get more noticeable. But I certainly am glad that you got out of that before it was at this level, for your sake.)
Member # 51769
posted 08-31-2011 06:40 PM
well i plan to go to university in a year, and live in a flat nearer the university. but thats not for another year. and i dont have any way financially of moving out now. i'm going on holiday tomorrow with my sister, and staying in my aunts villa with her and her partner. which will be nice for us to get away, but even the excitment for that has been ruined by this massive argument tonight. the atmosphere in my house is always so tense.
i think it may have started before we broke up, and i think it might be partly why he started changing towards me. i kind of think hes in another land at the moment, from what people have told me. hes even pushing his own friends away, its sad and worrying. and i miss the old him and i find it hard to accept how people just change like that, even though i know its part of life sometimes. i just hope he comes out of it eventually.
Member # 3
posted 08-31-2011 06:49 PM
Do you have a job right now? I ask because, if you don't, and you have somewhere to go like an aunt's villa (nice!), might that be someone you could ask about moving there for the time being?
Member # 51769
posted 08-31-2011 06:56 PM
i have a part time job, i could try and get more hours but i still wouldnt be able to afford to move out. well her villa is a holiday home, she doesnt live there, its in spain. her actual home is a 3 hour drive from where i live, and would not be practical to live with her. that would mean i couldnt finish my college course, even though im undecided if im going back or not, the second year begins in a couple of weeks. and i would leave all my friends behind.
plus i would be terribly worried about my mum. i feel like shes having a breakdown. she keeps having random panic attacks, bursting into tears, shes in pain from her injury and my dad is just, well he doesnt treat her fairly. i look at her and just see a frail vulnerable woman. i also see alot of myself in her which i dont like, and i dont know what to do about it. i dont want to be weak and vulnerable to the point where im trodden over by other people and i dont want to be in relationships where im unaware that im being emotionally abused. and i think my mum has been emotionally abused by my dad for as long as i can remember. she does so much, and she doesnt get anything in return.
Member # 36725
posted 08-31-2011 07:15 PM
Given you have a part-time job, do you also have somewhere outside of work you may be able to go, a safe place that allows you to get away - even if for just a little bit? Also, do you have something you do when you are home (listening to music, painting, writing) as an outlet since moving out isn't what you feel is going to work for you right now?
Member # 3
posted 08-31-2011 07:19 PM
Is there anyone else in your family who knows about what has been going on, and who you think or know could be asked for help and would want to help?
Member # 3
posted 08-31-2011 07:25 PM
(FYI, I won't be here for much longer, and I'm sorry about that. I'd be happy to take more time to talk with you tonight, but I got stung by a wasp, and I'm allergic, so it not only hurts like heck, it makes my brain feel awfully fuzzy, so it's likely best I not delve into anything too deep or specific with someone until tomorrow, when I have two functioning brain cells to rub together.
Just wanted to let you know so you didn't feel blown off if I didn't resume the conversation tonight.)
Member # 89499
posted 11-28-2011 10:21 PM
Georgie, you aren't alone. Many of us have been raised in similar situations. I am attending a university now, and I can say that you are going to grow so much when you get away. It is awful to go back into that kind of environment during holiday breaks because people like your father are very controling, but when you are living in a dorm or apartment and doing your own thing, you discover that you can be free to express yourself, and in time, you will be able to break away and start your own life. I'm longing for this part of the transition myself, which I hope will come upon attaining financial independence. Take care, and hang in there. Don't be afraid to stick up for yourself.
Member # 20094
posted 11-28-2011 10:52 PM
(sonrisa1, this area of the boards is for staff and volunteer replies only. Please keep your replies to the other areas of the forums. Thanks.)