T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 72460
posted 07-21-2011 05:26 AM
I used to have a fetish in my early teen years. Now I'm 18, and I just don't even like thinking about it anymore, I just like thinking about normal stuff...
I tried not to hate myself when I was into the other stuff, but to be honest I never liked having a fetish. I was exposed to pornography at an early age... and since then I just wasn't into sex at all. I spent years living with fighting parents, and I used to smoke marijuana every day. A few girls wanted to go out with me, but I just didn't want them exposed to my life, cause it was hell. I didn't want anyone dragged down by it. After my dad left, the fighting stop and I started to clean up my act. I stopped smoking pot, and my fetish that used to be a coping mechanism just ended up not being needed after awhile... So perhaps it was induced by constant stress? I don't know... it's confusing, because I read that a fetish or kink is going to be part of you your entire life. I know for certain I'm not into it, because unlike before I'm into sex much more. So I guess they were wrong. It's weird part of me feels good I'm more normal now, but another part of me doesn't understand why I used to be into that stuff. I'm trying to let go of the guilt and be a better person, but it's hard to stop thinking about it. Sorry for this, it is kinda embarrassing to post even on the internet. I just needed to vent. Also, thanks to whoever created this site. I wish I'd have known about this place a few years ago.
Member # 3
posted 07-21-2011 08:48 AM
What people who study sex and sexuality know is that human sexuality is fluid.
Sure, sometimes something about a person's sexuality does stay the same for their whole life. But just as often, that same something shifts, changes, comes, goes, comes back again, who knows. The idea that everything about someone's sexuality -- including things like fetishes -- is static and must be never-changing throughout a lifetime stands counter to what we know about sexuality at this point. I'm not sure what you're talking about here, but what I also know is that fetishism -- sexual arousal a person derives from a particular object, group of objects or very specific situations -- isn't something I'd classify as abnormal, because it's not all that uncommon. Even if it was rare, the fact that it happens at all, and that we know sexuality can be about more than people, would incline me to move away from considering it abnormal. I'm not sure what you're thinking "the normal stuff" is, but chances are good that what's normal in sexuality is a bigger picture than you have in your mind: it usually is. Sometimes we can't clearly know or identify why we have a certain sexual interest, be that in a person, a sexual practice or activity, or anything else. Our sexual interests so often derive or grow from so many different places in our lives and psyches that it can be hard to really pin things down that way. Do you want to talk about why you feel guilty? (And you're welcome! )
Member # 72460
posted 07-22-2011 07:22 AM
I guess I can feel guilty because I find it hard to understand it. But from what you say I guess we can't always understand it, and I don't need to.
I guess what I mean by normal stuff for me is attraction to girls. Normal being a bad way of putting it, as you said what's normal is definitely a bigger picture then what I have in mind. It's kinda funny, I like to look at the bigger picture of other things, but I've found it hard when looking at sexuality without being biased by what I consider to be society's norm. Even though I know at heart that we all consider that differently. I think the main source of my guilt, comes from the fact I've never mentioned this to anyone. Just getting a response here really seems to help. Thanks for the quick reply. I think I'll stop worrying about this, and concentrate on doing positive things, sexuality shouldn't define your existence. [ 07-22-2011, 07:23 AM: Message edited by: JackT ]