T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 63602
posted 04-29-2011 02:51 AM
I'm 16, and confused. I've wondered for a while if I am a les. I've dated guys before but it just didn't work out, I tried to make it work but there was just no connection. I started having feelings for girls when I was in middle school. One of my friends boyfriend would always do something wrong to make her cry so I was always there to cheer her up and give her hugs. I really cared for her, like this one time when we had a track/field meet we were waiting for our event to start and so we layed on the field together and she layed her head on my stomach and that gave me my fist 'butterflies', but the thing was that she was talking to her boyfriend on the phone so that made me a little jealous, even after all that he'd done, she still "loved" him. Later she started touching my hand like she wanted to hold it, I don't know why but I really wanted to hold her hand too. Another time was when we had a swimming day, I didn't swim because I didn't feel like it and so as she finished swimming she sat next to me, I hugged her to give her warmth and we sat there for a while, the longer we sat the faster my heart pounded. I've never felt that way towards anybody. There were times that I wanted to ask her if she felt the same but I never could cause she was always with her boyfriend and I was too scarred. Another friend gave me a special back hug for the longest time ever, we would always write to each other how our day was or how much we missed each other, I still have those letters & I really liked her too. Another friend gave me a kiss on the cheek when no one was looking, that was the first kiss someone ever gave me. To be honest I'm that shy kid sitting next to you in class that you didn't even know existed. Even though three years pass, I'm still questioning if I should have confronted them about it.. I've lost all of my "first time's" to a girl.. My parents are very religious and I still feel uncomfortable looking at the word 'lesbian'. Am I overreacting?
Please give me your advice or tell me your experiences, I'm very open to hearing what you have to say.
Member # 43289
posted 04-29-2011 04:26 AM
From the sound of your post, it seems that you do have feelings for women, at least the women whom you've mentioned. Ultimately, we have little control over whom we fall for, only how we respond to our feelings.
As for whether or not you are a lesbian, none of these terms have one solid definition that universally applies. You can define yourself however you want to. If you feel uncomfortable using certain words, you don't have to. Also, sexuality is fluid and can change over time so you don't have to confine yourself to one label. I imagine it would be difficult to have those kinds of feelings while in an environment that does not seem particularly supportive. Just know that no matter who you have feelings for, you are perfectly normal and there is nothing wrong with you. As for whether or not you should have confronted the women you mentioned, it is completely up to you. Having feelings for friends can be tricky regardless of the sexual orientations and genders involved. Have you told your friends that you are questioning your orientation? Even if they don't share your feelings, they could be valuable allies.
Member # 50455
posted 04-29-2011 07:57 AM
Pantokrator, this area of the boards is for staff and volunteer posts only. We look forward to seeing you on the rest of the site.
Naee-Bear, the thing about sexual orientation is that it is fluid, and it can change over the course of our lives. We can't tell you if you are a lesbian or bisexual or anything else, and sometimes you may not be so sure yourself. What we can tell you is that whatever your sexual orientation is is totally normal. It's not any kind of bad or wrong or weird, so if you are worrying along those lines there's no need to. Do you want to give this article a read and then come back to continue this discussion if you like?
Q is for Questioning