T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 45445
posted 04-21-2011 02:04 AM
I wasn't sure where to post my question... it feels like a weird question.
Friends and family members I have talked to have had experiences where they drank too much, blacked out and ended up having sex with someone but don't remember it happening. They didn't seem bothered by it and would brush it off. Or so it seemed. I, of course, can't be in their minds all day... I was also watching The Colbert Report tonight and he even talked about a similar incident, using it as example for something, but acted like it wasn't something to be bothered by. I went through something similar but I didn't brush it off. Should have I? Did I make a mountain out of a mole hill and blow it out of proportion?
Member # 25425
posted 04-21-2011 02:21 AM
I think it might be easier to tackle this question if we separate the issues involved.
First, someone who is drunk is not able to give consent. So, in a scenario where one person is flat-out wasted and the other is sober, we're talking about sexual assault or rape. In a scenario where both people are really drunk, it gets trickier to sort out. So whatever else someone feels about it, it IS potentially a big deal in the sense that there are laws in place for situations like that, and that someone could potentially be charged with rape. The second issue is how someone "should" feel if they were involved in such a situation. And I put quotation marks around the word should, because when it comes to sex, there are no should's. How you feel is how you feel, and your feelings are valid, regardless of how someone else would have felt in a similar situation. So, even if you were to feel uncomfortable and violated by a situation that would not classify as sexual assault, it would still be valid for you to feel that way, it would still be important for you to acknowledge and respect those feelings. Does that answer your question?
Member # 45445
posted 04-21-2011 04:02 AM
Yes, it really does. Thank you.
I've been feeling/wondering if people are judging me cause I went to the police. I felt abnormal feeling violated by the incident like I should have been silent. And people would accept me more if I just remained silent. And I would have been a better person if I remained silent. Especially since the police said there wasn't enough evidence to say it was sexual assault. Even more since my political views and understanding of the police and legal system aren't supportive/don't agree with them.
Member # 25425
posted 04-21-2011 06:25 AM
How you experience a situation is how YOU experience a situation. No one can tell you how you should feel, and you don't have to apologize for or justify the way that you feel.
Also? There are plenty of people who feel violated and do not know how to acknowledge those feelings or do not feel able to speak out. So just because it seems like you are the only person who stepped up and sought out help doesn't mean that you actually are the only person. Have you had any support in all of this? Anyone who doesn't question your feelings or makes you feel bad for them?