T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 61437
posted 04-09-2011 03:03 AM
Basically, when me and my boyfriend were discussing current boundaries, he asked if there could be any hands under the shirt action, and I initially said no, and then when the subject came up again, I said it could be something he could look forward to after I came back from holiday.
Thing is, I'm a bit iffy. It's not one of those things I don't want to do because I'm not sexually ready yet (like other things that are completely out of the question until much later on in the relationship, because I'm not comfortable doing them in the near future.) I mean, I've had it done to me before, so that's not it. What the thing is is that between the last time I got felt up, and now, I've developed a rather prominent affliction of Pectus Carinatum (if you're not familiar with it, Google Images will give you a good idea). And I'm really, really self-conscious about it. It's not so visible, if I'm wearing a padded bra, which I always do, but it is very, very feelable. And I'm worried that either talking about it or him discovering it is going to completely and utterly ruin the mood, and maybe put him off me, and even if it doesn't put him off, I don't think he can enjoy it that much if I'm so uncomfortable and self-conscious throughout. I know that if I say that actually, even after my holiday, I still don't want to (at the time, I only called it a possibility, not a definite), he'd be fine with it, but I want to be able to do this both for him, and also because I really want to be able to enjoy it again, like I did before the PC became really prominent. What can I do about it? Do I just say he can -never- feel me up, because this is never going to go away, or do I just suck it up and go ahead anyway? I don't feel like either of us will be happy in either situation. (P.S RE: Google Images, mine looks more like the subtler cases than the enormously prominent ones. More a physical issue than a visible one.) Edit: And also it -is- much more visible when I'm not wearing a bra at all, so what can I do when I get to that stage of a relationship, as well? [ 04-09-2011, 03:46 AM: Message edited by: techie ]
Member # 25425
posted 04-09-2011 09:06 AM
My suggestion would be that you simply have a conversation about this with your partner. Ideally, this is a conversation to be had well in advance: before anything sexual happens, while you're both still fully dressed.
Take all the time that you need for this conversation. If you're not comfortable telling him all in one go, you can start out with something like "before we go further sexually, there's something I'd like to talk about with you, but I'm not quite ready yet to have that conversation", and then you can re-visit it when you do feel ready. A lot of us have at least one thing about our body that we don't feel 100% good about and would like to change if we could. But part of being ready for sex is being able to accept bodies (both ours and that of our partners) as they are, and to understand that "perfect" doesn't exist. So if you're afraid that you would be really uncomfortable with your own body, then maybe you need a little bit more time to work on that before you're ready to go further with your partner. Now as far as your partner goes, if he's a caring and respectful person, then he's not going to be put off by this. Someone who would be put off by this would not only be pretty disrespectful, but they'd also be showing that they're simply not ready yet to understand the realities of the human body. In short, they'd not be the kind of person that you'd want to be with, anyway. This article may help you start the conversation: Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner [ 04-09-2011, 09:07 AM: Message edited by: September ]