T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 43303
posted 08-02-2009 08:28 PM
I got myself into a bad situation on June 7th with a guy I knew casually as a friend of a friend. We were drinking and I spent the night at his place. I gave him oral without a condom. He did not cum but there was pre-cum. He fingered me. I am not on birth control. I have been absolutely worried sick about this incident and the possible ramifications, I think mainly because this was not someone I knew particularly well or am sure I can trust. I asked him if there was any chance he may have had pre-cum on his hand before or when he fingered me and he assured me no, there was not. I also asked if he had any STDs. He said no. I have participated in these activities before with guys I was in relationships with and was nowhere near this worried. I think the problem here is that I was not/am not in a relationship with this guy. It has been almost two months since this happened and I am worried about pregnancy and STDs. As far as pregnancy: I had a blood test June 17 which was negative, but I am concerned it was done too early (the nurse assures me it was not). I believe it was a quantitative test. I then had a normal period starting June 23 (actually a couple days sooner than I expected it, lasting about 6 days, red blood, normal flow). I took 4 HPTs (July 1, 9, 14, and 17). All were negative. I had another period starting July 22. Again, a couple days earlier than usual, 5-7 days, red blood, normal flow). After all of this, I am STILL worried -- that I could be the extremely rare girl who gets pregnant from fingering with pre-cum (again, not even sure if there was any or not, I am just worried there "could have been"), managed to have two incidents of bleeding indistinguishable from normal periods at at the expected times, and whose pregnancy was not detected by a blood test or by four HPTs. I am thin (5'6" 110 lbs), have regular periods (almost always between 28 and 32 days (the past two were 29 days) and have hardly ever skipped any), and I think my cycle is well established by now as I am 24. Based on these facts it seems unlikely I could be someone who never notices they are pregnant, since it would be noticeable if I missed a period or gained pretty much any weight. My breasts have been sore before both periods (they usually are), but it has gone away when the periods started. I have occasionally felt slightly nauseous, have had some headaches, heartburn, burping. Now, every time one of those things happens I am convincing myself it is a pregnancy symptom and it freaks me out, even though I've probably always had these things and did not think twice of it. I guess I might be self-inducing the slight nausea becaues I have been so worried. I think some of these might also be attributed to the fact that I get low blood sugar often. As for STDs: I have not had any symptoms except for a sore throat (my throat is sore, not that there are sores in/on my throat). I think this can be attributed to my allergies though, because I often have this. I did speak with several nurses at my OBGYN office and they did not think my risk was great, or that I should be worried unless I experience some symptoms, which I have not really. I am still considering getting tested for everything when I can (nurse said I should really wait for 6 months for the antibodies to build up). Regarding all of this: I have suspected for years that I have OCD or some sort of anxiety problem, but it has never been to the degree that I felt it was drastically interfering with my living a relatively normal life. I think that this situation was the breaking point, and I am now seriously considering seeking some counseling / therapy. Thanks in advance for your input and reassurance. It is greatly appreciated! Jen
Member # 17924
posted 08-02-2009 08:52 PM
You NEED to stop worrying about pregnancy here. You aren't pregnant. I'd bet money on it. A blood test (which should have been accurate, the nurses didn't BS you) and four negative HPT's are pretty definite. Scratch that, and let's go with just plain definite.
You've also had two normal periods. You can't be pregnant and have a period. Just doesn't happen. As for STD's, the best you can do is get yourself tested now, and get tested again in six months. But you're not going to do any good worrying yourself into the ground about it either, you know? I understand the worry that comes along with an impromptu sex session that you didn't really want to happen after-the-fact (especially for someone who doesn't want to be pregnant) but you've done MORE than enough to assure you aren't pregnant. Rest easy, OK?
Member # 43303
posted 08-03-2009 11:28 AM
Hi Abbie -
Thanks for your reply and your patience. Many people have already assured me I am not pregnant (nurse, several friends) and I felt like I just could not believe it. For some reason it almost seems more valid coming from you as an outside/unbiased person because I don't think you would just be saying this to make me feel better. It made me feel better to read your reply. I think a large part of my extreme reaction to this is the fact that I just quit my job and moved across the country for school. All of the change and instability is what has really made me overreact, I think. I just kept thinking things like "well, if i am pregnant then it would be better if i just know so I can stay at my job, defer my admission to school, etc." However, the time for that passed me by as I was still in the midst of worrying about all of this (just moved this weekend). Now that I am here I started worrying all over again, about the fact that I am excited for this and have been looking forward to it for months, and then I would think "well, what if I find out I am pregnant in a few months and I have to leave and am unemployed, etc." Well, anyway, thank you for your reassurance. I will do my best to enjoy being here and not to worry. I will also try to stop obsessively researching symptoms and reading (likely) unreliable accounts of undetectable freak pregnancies, etc online. I think you were also very right in you assessment of the situation (impromptu and didn't really want to happen). I had been attracted to this guy (I had met and talked to him before that night). I think part of this was just my naivety: I had figured I might stay the night, but I had done that before with other guys who I guess were just a little more in my league of what expectations they had (I tend to be a slow mover). So basically this night ended up being a lot more than I counted on. Though I suppose it was technically consensual, I definitely did feel somewhat pressured, violated and uncomfortable at the time, and I should have given those feelings more credit at the time than I did (I tried to just ignore them with the result of feeling guilty after). All things considered, I think this situation and the aftermath has made me seriously evaluate my feelings/readiness for anything like this, and it has been a good learning experience from that standpoint. I will definitely think about all of these things and feeligns before doing anything like this so casually again. As far as the STDs - part of me would rather just go with what the nurse told me, and wait six months, so that I can be sure the results I get then will be conclusive. Is there really a value to getting it done now? Some things could not show up, right? I guess the value would be that others could, and that way I could deal with those ones. I am currently without health insurance for a month as I wait for the student insurance to start. Should I wait to have these ordered by a doctor and done in a lab, or go to a clinic or something now? STDs are at least a legit concern, right (unlike pregnancy at this point), even though I have not had any symptoms and the guy says he is clean? (I realize that may not be reliable info, or that he may not even know). Thanks again for your advice!
Member # 37835
posted 08-03-2009 11:36 AM
If you're uninsured and a student, you can likely get low cost or free testing at a clinic such as planned parenthood (heck, it might even be cheaper that way than whatever copay you might have with insurance. One of my friends had that happen and was rather annoyed).
It could be that you're just redirecting all of your anxiety about life changes onto this one thing. I would also encourage you to seek out counseling as soon as it's available (I'm assuming your college/university will have something once you start), because this type of anxiety is something that should get checked out. It's always best to catch STIs as early as possible, which is why it might be a good idea to go ahead and get tested. And yes, they are a very real concern here. (And, we don't really like the word "clean" to describe those without STIs, because it implies that those with STIs are somehow dirty, which is a pretty negative implication).
Member # 43303
posted 08-03-2009 03:53 PM
That sounds good, thanks for your advice. I checked and the university offers testing and counseling. I suppose I can also call a clinic to compare prices.
Also, I'm sorry for my poor word choice. Thanks for pointing that out; you are absolutely right and I'm sorry for sounding insensitive, that was not my intention