T O P I C R E V I E W
So_Very_Nieve
Member # 37973
posted 01-17-2009 01:00 PM
Is there any way to have mono and not have to completely throw away your sex life for almost two years? I just started getting the symptoms of the sick part of it on Friday, but I kissed my boyfriend up until Sunday. And I found out I had mono yesterday. The doctors said it was "safe" to continue kissing him, because he already either has mono from me, or he's never going to get it from me. We were apart (thanks to a school break and living a 45-minute drive from each other and about 2 feet of snow and ice on the ground) for the greater part of the 4-6 weeks I've been carrying it, but we've also most likely (depending on how long I've had it before feeling sick) had sex at least once in that time as well. He's worried about getting it because the diseases he's had with names so far have all tried to kill him, however, were all a LOT more serious than mono (like pneumonia). Feeling icky and not being able to play contact sports I don't play anyways is one thing, but having to throw away the entire physical side of my boyfriend and my's relationship for god-knows-how-long (especially when our anniversary is in a couple weeks and his birthday is tomorrow, some birthday present, eh?) is another. Help?
Heather
Member # 3
posted 01-17-2009 01:07 PM
How come going without sex or kissing would "throw away your whole sex life for almost two years?" People get ill sometimes. Often, really. People have long times of low libido. People can't have sex for stretches of time for any number of reasons, or just don't want to. None of those normal life things, which are a normal part of all of our sex lives at one time or another, should even come close to tanking a relationship, no matter how craptastically they are times. So, next time you see him, you don't smooch or have sex (and likely, you will be able to do those things just fine in a week or two) because he's not comfortable with that yet. You can both still demonstrate joy in your anniversary or his birthday, show your affection any number of ways, or even have certain kinds of sex, anyway. For instance, you two could masturbate together, which is something a whole lot of couples enjoy when there are NO barriers to them having other kinds of sex. Point is, this should not be that big of a deal. And if this is mostly about his stress over this making problems in your relationship, perhaps you could gently remind him that when we get intimate with people, we're often going to get viruses. There is just no avoiding that sometimes, and that's one of the risks we choose to take in having that contact with others. If that's not cool with us, then we need to make a different choice. And mono is not likely to be anything that gets very serious for him, unless he is immunosuppressed. You can let him know you two can take time of smoochies for as long as he needs to feel comfortable, but I'd also advise just suggesting he calm down about this and not blow it out of proportion. [ 01-17-2009, 01:12 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]
So_Very_Nieve
Member # 37973
posted 01-17-2009 01:33 PM
I'm not really worried about the effect it'll have on our relationship. I know that we can go months without sex or even really seeing each other and having to rely on 15-minute phone calls every other day (which was basically our whole summer with the exception of the handful of times we managed to see each other). And we went all last term on very little sex because of the workload from one of his classes. And we can get creative. We have been for the last week. And I really haven't felt a dimished libido at all. I'm always horny, and if I'm not, my boyfriend is very good at making me in the mood. Though if I'm ever completely not, he's really respectful of me and how I feel. The only thing I know he has that might make mono worse is hydro cephilyus (sp?), which he's had since he was 3 (or at least, that's when he had the brain-fluid-draining machine put in) though I'm not sure what effect that would have (if any). He's been more calm than me about this (mostly because I really miss kissing him... and I don't know how long I'm contagious, though I do know my doctor said I can't go back to work [I work in food service] for a week).
Heather
Member # 3
posted 01-17-2009 01:48 PM
So, I'm not sure then I understand what you're so worried about in terms of not having sex ruining your relationship? Per if his hydrocephalus puts him at greater risks is something he can just call his doctor's office and ask about.
So_Very_Nieve
Member # 37973
posted 01-17-2009 01:54 PM
I'm not worried in terms of our relationship because my boyfriend is a very supportive guy and is always there for me when I need him. I just really miss sex.
Heather
Member # 3
posted 01-17-2009 02:13 PM
Okay. Your post made it sound like you were, very strongly. I take you mean that you miss intercourse, since you can have other kinds of sex? If so, that's understandable, and you can voice that to your partner so he knows when he feels comfortable with it again, that you're wanting it, too. In the meantime, I'd just stay creative and try and be supportive of your boyfriend's health concerns. If he's often been seriously ill, it's a pretty understandable fear on his part.
So_Very_Nieve
Member # 37973
posted 01-17-2009 07:26 PM
I re-read my post and I see what you mean. What I meant to say was: I read that you can give someone mono up to a year and a half after you've gotten over the "sick" part of it. My doctor said that if my boyfriend is going to get it from me, he probably already has it, or he's got some sort of immunity to it and won't end up getting it from me period. I'm hoping this doesn't mean that, for my boyfriend's safety the way he sees it, we don't get sex (or even kissing) for a looooong time. Which sounds kinda weird. So, will it be safe to kiss and have intercourse/oral (we use a condom for both even though I'm on birth control) again, and if so, how soon (my fever went away already, and I've had every classic symptom except the sore throat)? I don't know much about mono and I want to separate fact from fiction.
Heather
Member # 3
posted 01-17-2009 07:30 PM
A year and a half would, to my knowledge, be waaaaaaay outside the normal period of exposure-to-acquisition. WAY outside. can you show me where you read that? I'd agree with what your doctor told you about transmission of mono. If you first got it 4-6 weeks ago, and you're also feeling better, I'd personally consider it safe now for sexual contact with others.
So_Very_Nieve
Member # 37973
posted 01-17-2009 08:30 PM
http://kidshealth.org/teen/infections/common/mono_contagious.html Oh good. I don't want to get him sick.
Swimmergirl
Member # 95834
posted 05-18-2012 12:44 PM
Hi, i got told i have mono last wednesday.. by monday i was in hospital because i could not keep any fluids down without throwing them up. after 4 days on IV fluids i felt much much better so they discharged me. however i was told i cannot play sports or do much of anything because my spleen has swelled to 3x the normal size and my platelet count is a bit on the low side. i saw my doctor again yesterday who brought me back to hospital because my tonsils are much to large and i couldnt breathe very well. my biggest concern is that i was told i have the worst case of mono they have ever seen but i start university in august do you think i will be better by then?
Robin Lee
Member # 90293
posted 05-18-2012 01:34 PM
Hi Swimmergirl, Ugh! It sounds like you've had a really nasty time of it! I had mono myself as a teen and remember feeling pretty crummy from the exhaustion alone, and you've had a lot more to deal with. We here at Scarleteen aren't doctors or medical professionals, and even if we were it wouldn't be appropriate for us to give medical advice over the Internet. This is a really good question for your doctor, though. At your next check-up, you can talk to the doctor about this and ask what they expect for your recovery. '