T O P I C R E V I E W
aly71090
Member # 28751
posted 12-02-2006 02:16 PM
yesterday was the second time that my boyfriend and i tried to have sex and it didnt work. we used a lot of lube and i dont think that is the problem. i know that people say that your hymen can stretch from doing sports and things but i was never very active when i was younger and i think mine is still mostly intact. ive gotten a bit better than i used to be with penetration. i used to not even be able to insert a tampon. now i can do that or i can insert one finger or something slightly larger than a finger. the thing is, there doesnt seem to be any good position to have sex in. no matter what my intentions are, my vagina naturally tenses when something is being inserted into it. is that normal? also, is there any way i can try to stretch myself out a little more? i really think my hymen has something to do with this problem.
logic_grrl
Member # 8067
posted 12-02-2006 02:40 PM
Okay, first things first - were you very aroused before you tried penetration? Good for you for using lots of lube, but it's not the only thing you need . If you want, you can get a hand mirror and check out the state of your hymen yourself. But muscular tensing during penetration doesn't have anything to do with your hymen (which doesn't have any muscles in it, after all); it's typically the result of being nervous, unaroused or anticipating pain.
aly71090
Member # 28751
posted 12-02-2006 03:08 PM
well i was anticipating some pain. i read on this website that first intercourse shouldn't be painful but judging from my past history of trouble with anything ivolving penetration, i feel like i know my own body better than anyone else does and i know that i'm going to experience some discomfort. i hope it won't be bad but i just want to try to minimize it. and another problem i seem to have is that i can only stay sufficiently aroused for a little while and it goes away when i'm being penetrated. before anyone asks, i have never been molested in any way. i don't like that question. it always feels as though someone is looking for a way to make me feel abnormal
Heather
Member # 3
posted 12-02-2006 03:10 PM
There any reason why you NEED to be having intercourse/insertion right now? In other words, if you know that -- for whatever reason -- it isn't pleasurable for you, why not do other things instead? (And if you feel like you're sure it's a physical issue -- such as a hymen issue -- that's easy to find out: just see a gynecologist and ask about it.)
aly71090
Member # 28751
posted 12-02-2006 03:35 PM
i guess i don't need to be having intercourse right now. but i want to because i'm in love with my boyfriend and it feels like the right time. and even if i don't do it now, will it really get any easier later on? i don't see how putting this problem off it going to help.
logic_grrl
Member # 8067
posted 12-02-2006 04:01 PM
i want to because i'm in love with my boyfriend and it feels like the right time. The thing is, that's not necessarily the same thing as feeling like you want his penis in your vagina right now (to put it directly). Unless you actually physically want that, your body's going to balk, no matter what your mind's saying. And waiting until you do want it will make it a whole lot easier.
aly71090
Member # 28751
posted 12-02-2006 04:15 PM
but i don't like vaginal stimulation. period. i feel like maybe i'll grow to like it and i'm not used to it. everyone says that i shouldn't do something i don't want to do but i'm curious and i don't think i'll hate it. i don't want to be a virgin forever just because vaginal stimulation isn't my thing.
Heather
Member # 3
posted 12-02-2006 04:19 PM
quote: I don't want to be a virgin forever just because vaginal stimulation isn't my thing. I'm having a really hard time understanding what you're saying here. For instance, what if I said that I really hate driving, and I was in a city where I could have easy public transport to anywhere I wanted, but I don't want to NOT drive because I don't want to be a non-driver. Know what I mean? Is that a status issue? Because something doesn't feel good right now doesn't mean it won't forever. How is the REST of your sex life? How does say, mutual masturbation feel? Or oral sex? Or external vulvar/clitoral manual sex?
aly71090
Member # 28751
posted 12-02-2006 04:26 PM
everything else is fine. it's only penetration that bothers me. i don't know. maybe it is a bit of a status thing but i really want to do this and it just makes me angry that i can't. it literally feels like it's not possible. even when i am aroused there is no position to be in that lets me untense my muscles. my boyfriend is also bigger than average. it just doesn't even feel like there's an opening there even though i know there is because he can finger me fairly easily.
Heather
Member # 3
posted 12-02-2006 04:30 PM
Well, like I said, sounds like it'd be a good idea to go to a gynecologist and find out if this is or isn't a physical issue: once you know -- whatever the case is -- it's going to be a lot easier to figure out how to manage this. It is worth adding, though, that feeling stressed out and pissed off about it , no matter the why of this, is going to make it even less likely to be pleasant and comfortable than it would be if you were more chill about the whole thing.
aly71090
Member # 28751
posted 12-02-2006 04:42 PM
i don't know if it is a physical issue or not but i feel like i'm being punished for something. it's the same way i felt when i couldn't insert a tampon. i just feel like my body hates me. do other people have this problem? none of my friends ever felt like that or, for that matter, had the difficulty with sex that i have. i just feel like a freak. people have sex. it's natural. this makes me feel like i'm less of a person.
Heather
Member # 3
posted 12-02-2006 05:00 PM
Is there a problem with going to the gynecologist to find out? It just strikes me as counterproductive to get wrapped up in "your body hating you," before even investigating the possible issues. Does this happen to other people? Yes, absolutely, and for a whole lot of reasons, but nearly ALL of them are compounded when a person with that issue is making themselves nuts about it, especially for an activity that all by itself, generally isn't The Big Whoop, especially for women. You're not a freak, or less of a person (and umm, babe? There are loads of people whose sex lives don't ever even include intercourse who are just as much of people as anyone else, okay?). You're having a hiccup. But it is JUST intercourse and JUST sex. The world keeps rotating on its axis all the same, and intercourse really is NOT as make-it-or-break-it as you're setting it up to be. Yes, people have sex. But for most people with full, mutually pleasurable, well-rounded sex lives, it doesn't all hinge on vaginal intercourse. I don't say those things to dismiss or diminish your feelings, but at this point, if and when it ever does "work," you're setting yourself up, sounds like, for a pretty big disappointment, not to mention that all this anxiety and such about it is ONLY compicating whatever the issue is even more, and making the problem greater, not lesser.
SKB
Member # 31705
posted 12-03-2006 12:02 AM
My boyfriend and I have attempted to have sex 2 times and we cant do it because my hymen hasnt broken. I've heard that its suppose to break when you have sex and that it will probably break. Well my hymen feels like a wall that wont let him get through no matter how hard we try it will not break..and it hurts and ungoddly ammount. I also am not allowed to use tampons. Is this normal.